There were 737 spoof news snippets published in May 2011. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Sacramento California Has New Tourism Campaign
In order to capitalize on both their extensive sports activities and indiginous gay community, Sacramento released their new ad campaign "Sacramento - Where Men Are Men, And So Are Half The Women!"
written by Pariah, 07 May 2011
Al-Quida Takes Over FOX Television Network
In a very hostile takeover, Al-Quida has taken over the major network. Some classic programs to show will be "My Three Guns", "I Dream of Jihad" and the popular soap "Allah My Children"
written by Pariah, 08 May 2011
Nebraska To Quit Playing Football
After getting their asses kicked by real teams in the Big 12, Nebraska fled to a wimpy conference only to get pounded again. "We want our mommies!" many Cornholers were crying from the locker rooms.
written by Pariah, 07 May 2011
Fozzi Bear Sues Shakira For Stealing Lyrics
Fozzi Bear, mediocre comedian from the Muppet Show and pooper in the woods, is suing bodacious babe Shakira over her supposed use of his trademark line "Waka Waka" in her hit single of that name.
written by Pariah, 07 May 2011
A.A. Milne and Ang Lee Collaborate on Martial Arts Film
Crouching Tigger, Hidden Pooh will be released this summer in movie theaters worldwide. Yun-Fat Chow plays Pooh, Jackie Chan is Tigger and Jet Li plays Rabbit in this classic martial arts adventure.
written by Pariah, 08 May 2011
Woman Gives Birth On International Date Line
A woman on a flight from Seattle to Tokyo gave birth to twins. One was born just east of the date line, the second just west - Resulting in the second child's birth the day before the first child's.
written by Pariah, 10 May 2011
Lady Accuses Pillsbury Doughboy of Rape
The giggly little guy is no longer laughing now that fingers are pointing accusatorily rather than tickling. In addition to rape the lady also claims his erection gave her a yeast infection.
written by Pariah, 10 May 2011
World's Most Effective Diet Plan
Eat all you want of whatever you want, whenever you want it - and still lose weight! All you have to do is eat it while watching obese elderly women doing jumping jacks in the nude.
written by Pariah, 10 May 2011
New Sequel To the Men Are From Mars Series
For pre-pubescents who are just learning about sex and body differences comes a brand new pop-up book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Women Have Vaginas And Men Have A Penis."
written by Pariah, 10 May 2011
Fetus Impregnates Mom With His Own Twin
In the new record for pre-mature ejaculation, a zygote came and inadvertently impregnated his mother with a baby only days younger than himself. Authorities plan to try him as a minor once he's born.
written by Pariah, 10 May 2011
Pixar Against Drunks Masturbating In Public
Pixar, creaters of Toy Story has announced they're tired of drunks masterbating in public. To address this concern they are promoting their new slogan "Don't play with Woody when you have a Buzz."
written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Is Kate Middleton Really Laura Branigan?
They look stunningly alike and Laura's death was not long before William and Kate started dating. Could the singer's death be a cover, allowing for a royal to marry a common musician?
written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
GMO Corn Has Surprising Effect On Nebraskans
After many years of growing and eating Monsanto's genetically modified corn, many Nebraskan males are finding their penis turned into a corn cob and their testicles becoming popcorn balls.
written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Lady Gaga Has Wardrobe Malfunction
During a concert at a mall in Montana, Lady Gaga's outfit ripped open, leaving her naked in front of dozens of people. She noted "I din't get one wolf whistle and half the crowd went home sick."
written by Pariah, 11 May 2011
Millwall fan gets the hump.
I was having the football banter with a Millwall fan the other day.
He came out with the usual bollocks "no one likes us, we don't care".
I said "I like you".
That shut the cunt up!
written by Rebel Not Taken, 14 May 2011
Legal ban on twits.
A High Court judge has issued an injunction which bans twits from talking.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 14 May 2011
A hard act to follow!
Britain's Got Talent TV show on Saturday includes 'man of rubber' act who turns himself completely inside out while playing a harmonica!
written by Tommy Twinkle, 18 May 2011
Dwarf tossing at FA cup Final..
FA bigwigs will break with tradition at tomorrow's Cup Final.The National Anthem will be replaced by long throw specialist Rory Delap hurling Carlos Tevez from the touchline into a crowded goalmouth.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 13 May 2011
Blackburn manager celebrates!
Blackburn are desperate for points to avoid relegation,but now that their manager, Steve Kean,has been charged with drink driving they should have enough to qualify for Europe.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 17 May 2011
Al-Quida To Hold Bake Sale To Fund Terror
After losing their main sponsor, the terror organization has taken to selling home-made food to raise money. On street corners you can see them holding signs reading "Do Not Bum Us, Buy Our Hummus!"
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Cannibalistic Vegetarians On The Loose
A group of vegetarians broke into the London Hospital coma wing last night and ate most of the patients. One was caught and confessed that while they were eating people, they only ate the vegetables.
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Monopoly Money Counterfeiters Arrested
The crooks were caught printing fake monopoly money in an effort to put a hotel on Park Place. The court sentenced them to "go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200."
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Who's To Blame For The California Earthquakes?
It's not the people's fault. It's not the government's fault. It's the San Andreas Fault.
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Man Kills His Own Siamese Twin
Police don't know whether to charge for murder, suicide (or attempted). The insurance company is not sure whether to pay as a death or dismemberment, or to whom as the killer was the beneficiary.
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Welsh footballer named
The Sun can today reveal that the footballer involved in the superinjunction scandal is Ivor Bigun.
More as it comes in (no pun intended).
written by Rebel Not Taken, 23 May 2011
Pony Tale!
The reason for why a man could not buy a train ticket for his pony at Wrexham Station - The Pony Express does not stop at Wrexham Station!
written by Tommy Twinkle, 18 May 2011
Rooney's Secret Is Out
He used to be a female shot-putter!
written by unknown
Scientists disprove Deja Vu theory
Nobel Prize winning scientist Adrian Birdbrain has conclusively disproved the Deja Vu theory.
Yet again.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 21 May 2011
Dannii Accuses Kylie of Lying About Her
Dannii Minogue has turned on her sister Kylie. In the song "the Locomotion", Kylie claims her little baby sister can do it with ease. "I can't really. It's friggin difficult!", Dannii remarked.
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Bottles Of Juergens Extra Dry Body Lotion Tainted
Disgruntled male employees filled over 2000 bottles with their own semen. They were so chapped by the time they were done, that they considered renaming the product Jerkin Extra Dry.
written by Pariah, 12 May 2011
Victoria's Secret Is Out!
Becks wears one of her thongs every time he steps onto the pitch.
written by unknown
Attention all twits
#ifyoubelieveeverythingyoureadontwitteryouareafuckingtwat
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
Chelsea's name is on the cup again this year..
FA..which is what they have won!
written by Rebel Not Taken, 13 May 2011
Rooney going into politics
'Why not?' he asked. So true - if Arnie can get away with impersonating a politician for so long, surely a thick scouser has just as much chance.
written by unknown
QPR 2,500 to 1 to win premiership next season
QPR are 2500 to 1 to win the premiership next season.
To those of you who do not understand betting..
if you bet £10...you lose £10.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 12 May 2011
Alan Shearer waxwork dummy.
Madame Tussaud's waxwork dummy Alan Shearer came face to face with Match of the Day pundit and ex England footballer Alan Shearer today: "The likeness is incredible" claimed the waxwork dummy.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
The law is an ass.
The lord chief justice is called Lord Judge.
You couldn't make it up!
written by Rebel Not Taken, 22 May 2011
Iran eye opener!
A holiday maker just back from Tehran has left a positive review on the Trip Advisor website.."Did loads of acid and had a blinding time"
written by Rebel Not Taken, 15 May 2011
Congress Agrees on Deficit Reduction Plan
Entire nation will appear on 'Wheel of Fortune.'
written by Michael Balton, 06 May 2011
Silence is Coleden!
The US makers of X Factor are now saying Cheryl Cole CAN be one of their panel of judges. However, she will have to smile or frown her views about each act as this would be a non-speaking position.
written by Tommy Twinkle, 28 May 2011
Wet Spam desperate to recruit new manager
An old lady carrying shopping bags in Barking High St was asked by passing Wet Spam owner David Sullivan "can you manage love"?
She replied "do one you Toby, I don't want the job"
written by Rebel Not Taken, 18 May 2011
West Ham target Krays
West Ham have a short list of 2 for the vacant manager's job.
But,unfortunately, Reg and Ronnie Kray are both 'brown bread'.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 21 May 2011
IMF demands Greece pay tribute
"We want all your crack, booze, and especially all your good-looking women. We want them on the dock, dressed in maid uniforms and ready to ship out by noon.", according to the head.
written by Aspartame Boy, 23 May 2011
Rooney 'signs' for Middlesbrough
Poor Wayne thought he was extending his Man. U. contract. His mam wasn't there to read it for him so he will now be playing for The 'Boro. He is desperately trying to get out of this deal.
written by unknown
Celebrations in Manchester
There is a joyous and triumphant celebration party by Manchester City fans tonight in the city centre.
The FA Cup victory parade originally planned for today has been postponed till next week.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 23 May 2011
Ryan Giggs Anonymous
Manchester United star not involved in game against Blackpool.
written by Rebel Not Taken, 22 May 2011
Carlo Ancelotti given tin tac by Chelski
That has raised a few eyebrows!
written by Rebel Not Taken, 23 May 2011
Arnold's comment when asked about his 'broken marriage'
"I'll be baaack!"
written by unknown
Spoof Site struggling
The Spoof is suffering from a diminished number of readers. It is believed that this is because more FEMALE writers are needed. REAL women. Not 'fake' ones. Come on ladies....get writing.
written by unknown
Hens in Ontario are not 'laying' causing egg shortage
Hens can be seen picketing outside Grocery stores across Ontario today carrying tiny signs reading:NO MORE EGGS TILL WE GET SEX. WE NEED THE COCKS. (Using the word ROOSTERS would be less effective.
written by unknown
President Obama Is to Change His Name!
In a bid for authenticity, Barack Obama claims that there is an apostrophe missing from his name linking him to being of Irish descent. He would like to be known from now on as "Barack Hussein O'Bama.
written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2011
Holy Shit!
Surely this can ONLY come from he Pope himself.
written by unknown
Hamburger Helper Hand Gives Folks The Finger
Many people were upset at the gesture. According to the Hand, "My fingers are my hair and I just came in from the rain. Can I help it if my cowlick stood up?"
written by Pariah, 13 May 2011
Miramax To Release The Movie The Crying Game 2
The long awaited sequel is destined to hit theaters this Summer. The movie stars William and Kate and was filmed live in the royal honeymoon suite.
written by Pariah, 13 May 2011
Insurers Add Divorce Clause to Royal Auto Coverage
After the accident that killed Diana, the auto insurance company that covers the autos owned by Camilla and Kate have added a divorce clause that raises rates twenty fold if the royals divorce.
written by Pariah, 13 May 2011
Barney And Friends To Perform At Jurassic Park
After several people were eaten on the island, Barney the Dinosaur has stepped forward to try to make peace with the rampaging dinos. "I'll tell them I love you and I'm sure they'll love me too."
written by Pariah, 13 May 2011
Late Pope Beatified In Vatican City
"Thought he would have been on time for that!" Said an observer.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 04 May 2011
Administrators needed for The Spoof
Mark is looking for new Administrators to assist him on the Spoof. Requirements? Honesty, kindness, confidence in oneself as a writer, empathy (look it up in the dictionary).
Also - selflesness.
written by unknown
Spoof Writers' Tongue Twister
Try saying this six times quickly:
If a Spoof Writer could Spoof Spoofs how many Spoofs could Spoof Writer Spoof if a Spoof Writer could Spoof Spoofs (without reading it that is).
written by unknown
Why do? #5
Why DO Canadians spell TYRE TIRE when they are supposed to use TRUE ENGLISH spellings? I just don't get it.
written by unknown
Atheist just cannot sin.
It is true. Atheists just cannot sin. Only religious folk believe in SIN. That doesn't mean atheists are all evil. They just have morals and comment sense.
written by unknown
The end of the world...
Every day IS the end of the world for some poor buggers when you think about it.
written by unknown
Heterosexual man takes out Super-Trouper Injunction after secret Abba Collection is discovered
A straight man has taken out a Super-Trouper Injunction after his secret stash of Abba CDs were uncovered by his wife. The man who cannot be named for Swedish reasons...
written by I think I'm funny..., 22 May 2011
Many Thousands of Lawyers to Be Made Redundant
Following the failure of the super injunction, many lawyers cannot find any work and will face years of hardship!
SAD!
written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2011
TV Nutritionist takes out Super-Noodle Injunction after secret stash of junk food snacks discovered
A well known TV Nutritionist has taken out a Super-Noodle Injunction after a secret hoard of junk food snacks were discovered under her bed, the Nutritionist who cannot be named for bagel reasons..
written by I think I'm funny..., 24 May 2011
Pippa's bum shaped cake to be centrepiece at QPR celebration
Pippa's the party planner for the QPR celebration 'do'. One request - a caked shaped like her bum so all the players 'get a piece'. See related story.
written by unknown
Is Eurovision Song Contest Around the Corner?
I'm just wondering if the Eurovision Song Contest is around the corner because there are lots of 'spoofs' written about it lately. We don't hear about it in Canada. Aren't WE the lucky ones?
written by unknown
Why do? #2
Why do Canadians/Americans say 'tomato' and we Brits say 'tomato'?
written by unknown
What is 'Teeth, tits and taps'?
Lady Godiva's very least favourite line when starring as 'Mavis' in an amateur production of "Steppin' Out".
written by unknown
Super Injunction
This breaking news has been censored due to a super injunction.
written by IainB, 09 May 2011
Lady Godiva's Ghost Writer search is over
Lady Godiva has found the perfect Ghost Writer, Sugar East. Sugar will be writing some of LG's stories whilst LG spends more time concentrating on getting her 'Private Dick Agency' up and running.
written by unknown
BB's Imogen Thomas To Launch Pop Career
Possible contract on cards after successfully doing gigs several times in Manchester.
written by Nick Hobbs, 23 May 2011
Berlusconi Trial Halted - TEMPORARILY
The trial of Silvio Berlusconi was halted today as half the Jury had fled from Rome because an earthquake had been predicted there since 1915. The trial will resume tomorrow if there's no earthquake!
written by IN SEINE, 11 May 2011
Celebrity Gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, Claims Talking to Plants Is Useless
So-called gardening expert, Alan Titchmarsh asserts that talking to plants is rubbish. Obviously, he cannot speak PLANTONESE
written by IN SEINE, 31 May 2011
Chelsea FC - Drogba
Well, Drogba can't be accused of getting his KNICKERS in a twist as a result of the signing of Torres, because a related story here at the Spoof has Drogba admitting he doesn't like wearing underwear.
written by unknown
Mrs Bin Laden Is Hopping Mad!
The wife of Osama Bin Laden is reported to be hopping mad because the Americans are claiming that she was killed in the raid, instead of being shot in the leg.
written by IN SEINE, 03 May 2011
Who The Hell Is Pippa Middleton
A study conducted in the USA shows Americans have no clue who Pippa Middleton is, The few folks who thought they knew who she was when asked to describe her, described Pippi Longstocking instead.
written by Pariah, 14 May 2011
Dead Or Alive To Advertise Rotisserie Machine
The 80's band will be using their most popular hit to sell these cooking devices. The commercials will play the song with mildly different lyrics of "You Spin Meat Right Round Baby Right Round."
written by Pariah, 14 May 2011
Why do? #1
Why do Canadians/Americans say such things as, "My dog went to the bathroom on your lawn," when they really mean, "My dog shit on your grass?"
written by unknown
Why do? #3
Why do Canadians/Americans avoid saying the word TOILET? Why do they consider it to be a 'dirty' word. Why?
written by unknown
Why do? #3
Why do Canadians/Americans avoid saying the word TOILET? Why do they consider it to be a 'dirty' word. Why?
written by unknown
I'm feeling sick about the unrest in he world
Spoof writers unite. Surely we can do something POSITIVE to benefit suffering people around the world. Any suggestions?
written by unknown
Abbotabad Villagers Claim That Film Is a Fake!
The villagers in Abbotabad where Bin Laden was supposed to have been killed last week claim the film is a fake. One of them said: "This is Abbotabad as it gets!"
written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2011
Spoofwriter Denies Revealing Super-Injunction Celebrities in Order to Gain 34,000 Thumbs up!
The spoof writer In Seine has today denied trying to reveal a number of celebrities who have taken out super-injunctions in order to gain 34,000 thumbs up. "You can but try!" he said.
written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2011
Mechaphile Meeting
A group of 500 Mechaphiliacs - people who love motor cars are to have a meeting - guess what they are going to call it? A RALLY!
written by IN SEINE, 20 May 2011
New EU Health Warning
The European Union have issued an emergency health warning: 'CUCUMBERS CAN KILL'
written by IN SEINE, 31 May 2011
The Real Reason Why Bin Laden Buried At Sea
Apparently, his last wish was for the Americans to dance on his grave.
written by IN SEINE, 02 May 2011
Four Flee Fire in Bournemouth Barber Shop Blaze
4 men managed to evacuate a barber's shop in Bournemouth today when a fire broke out. A fire service spokesman said that it was a close shave, but everyone got out by a whisker!
written by IN SEINE, 31 May 2011
The Last Time Osama Bin Laden Was Shot!
… Way back in 2001, the Al Qaeda commander received a shot of insulin for diabetes - from which he died at that time. From then on all the appearances have been made by lookalikes!
written by IN SEINE, 04 May 2011
Giuliani Teams with Trump
Former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and real estate mogul Donald Trump are developing a political puppet show together... "Trump and Rudy"
written by Michael Balton, 30 May 2011
Hardened Criminal
Reports just in say that several bottles of Avena syrup were found in Osama Bin Laden's hideout. A type of herbal Viagra, it was used to make him look like a hardened criminal - very frightening!
written by IN SEINE, 09 May 2011
Apocalypse Already Happening: People Are Frightened!
Harold Camping, the American who claims the end of the world is nigh could may be right. Already people have lost contact with Australia and New Zealand - they are scared. It could be atmospherics.
written by IN SEINE, 20 May 2011
So Farewell, Gil Scott-Heron
They are televising revolutions now, it seems.
Still a good song though. Thanks.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 28 May 2011
In Milton Keynes Today…
A fire crew was called on to rescue a snail that was 'stuck' up a brick wall. Fire Service Spokesman, Les Cargo said the snail was placed on top of the wall from where a Thrush scooped it for a meal.
written by IN SEINE, 28 May 2011
I'm Spartacus!
After Twitter disclosed 'Sparticus' as the user who divulged the name of the footballer who had placed a super injunction on not being named, so several million users confessed to being Spartacus!
written by IN SEINE, 23 May 2011
To Become an Annual Event
Having been pronounced dead in 2002, 2005, 2008 and today, it has been decided to make it an annual event!
written by IN SEINE, 02 May 2011
Good Catholics
It was good to see Robert Mugabe attending the beatification of Pope John Paul II, however, Tony Blair was not in the crowd. Perhaps he thought that he was not saintly enough!
written by IN SEINE, 04 May 2011
Exorcisms Warning
Exorcists must remind their customers, that they have to pay their bill, or their house will be repossessed.
written by IainB, 04 May 2011
