Confused Woman Attacked by Sharks on Excursion at Sea
A woman with vision problems was attacked and eaten by a school of sharks on a sea excursion today when she mistakenly jumped into the water to play with what she thought was a pod of docile dolphins.
written by C. Lance the Freelance, 18 March 2011
Widow Has Bumper Crop in Garden Thanks to Dead Husband
A widow had her late husband cremated and then scattered his ashes in her garden because she couldn't afford a proper burial. Neighbors are impressed with how well her vegetables turned out this year.
written by C. Lance the Freelance, 18 March 2011
Japanese Inventor Makes Unsuccessful Bid to Flee Radiation Leak
A local inventor tried unsuccessfully to escape Japan's nuclear reactor leak by constructing a radiation-proof lead balloon to flee the country, but it failed to get off the ground due to the weight.
written by C. Lance the Freelance, 18 March 2011
US army to use death row convicts as "sniffer dogs".....
US army 5-star General Sherman "Grizzly" Redneck has suggested deploying death row convicts to "sniff out" IED's in Afghanistan. "Them motherfuckers is dogmeat anyways" said an aide.
written by attilathehungry, 18 March 2011
Fukushima Nuke Plant Owner Hires Former BP Chief Tony Hayward
At official hiring ceremony Fukushima owners praise Haywards crisis management experience as Hayward asks for life back and heads off to yacht race.
written by manbrad, 18 March 2011
Cambridgeshire grower in protest at EU sprout ruling.....
Jack Wright of Wisbech is to stage a "Brussels sprouts forever" hunger strike. "He's a good man and this has upset him something terrible" said his wife Pat. "I don't know what the world's coming to".
written by attilathehungry, 18 March 2011
It's the end for Brussels sprouts....
An EU directive states that sprouts may no longer be marketed as "Brussels sprouts" unless they have actually been grown in Brussels. All other sprouts will therefore be renamed "EU sprouts".
written by attilathehungry, 18 March 2011
Muammar Gaddafi Receives 'Despot of Despots' Award
Muammar Gaddafi today received the coveted Despot of Despots Trophy at the Arab Leagues' Authoritarian Dictators Awards. 'It's a huge accolade,' said the Colonel, 'given the overwhelming competition.'
written by Swan Morrison, 18 March 2011
Obama Libya Shocker!
U.S. will not send troops to oil-rich Muslim country.
written by manbrad, 18 March 2011
Democrats Offers Compromise To Restore NPR Funding
NPR will refer to Democrats as "lying, traitorous cowards" and President Obama as "foreign-born Muslim socialist." GOP says "No deal" unless racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia are added.
written by manbrad, 18 March 2011
UK naughty "Postman Pat" kills cat, what a rat!
A UK postman not named Pat but doing the same job killed a "pussy", Postman Pat loved his "pussy" and so do many other UK postmen, especially when hubby's not there!
written by unknown
Lady G. led astray by Erskin Quint
Yeah! He gave me a so called WINNING TITLE which hasn't even got me so much as a one thumb as a Snippet yet.
I know what I'll 'snippet' next!
written by unknown
Eden Controversy
The Garden of Eden was in Cornwall and it is 10 Million years old. Theologians are disputing this and some claim this Garden cannot be the true Eden as there is nothing about Cornwall in the Bible.
written by j.w., 18 March 2011
AV Camp Get Fillip
The launch of the Yes to AV (Automatic Vascetomy) Campaign has been given a major Boost. Nick Clegg will not attend as he is attending an Emergency Cabinet meeting so he can nod as Cameron speaks
written by j.w., 18 March 2011
Top Tip:
Remove clothing before showering... it will be easier to dry yourself afterwards.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 18 March 2011
Huntin' Seezun On Dems
Scott Walkers new bill opens up "Huntin' Seezun" on Democrats not sitting in house. Sarah Palin was seen in Madison sporting a .308 with an extended round clip, "What? It's leegul!"
written by Waskily Wabbit, 18 March 2011
Scott Walker : De-Heroized
Wisconsinites sign a petition to remove Scott Walkers hero status, claiming that since it did not go through its 24 hour debate cycle, it was an illegal action, promoting his other recall as Governor
written by Waskily Wabbit, 18 March 2011
Gaddafi Moping About In His Tent After No-Fly Zone Resolution
"Can't I fly even the paper planes? How am I to pass the time now my nurses are gone?"
written by Hawking's Chair, 18 March 2011
