Blue-eyed ref shows Chelsea mucho Charity!
In last nights epic duel between Man U & Chelsea it was obvious the ref was looking deeply through his dark-blue eyes. He should have seen red once or twice, Luiz, Terry, but he chose Vidic instead!
written by Jaggedone, 02 March 2011
Gaddafi Burns His Hand
Gaddafi's rallying cry of 'Follow me or I will burn Libya' backfired this morning when the flame from his lighter shot up and gave him a nasty burn on his hand.
'It'll need dressing' said a Nurse.
written by Mr Goster, 02 March 2011
Irish/Italian/American - now there's a lethal combination.
Enough Is Enough Is Enough
I shan't go on no more...as Charlie once said to Camilla. Or was it Barbra Sreisand? Same difference really...
All to do with horses...
Probably not good if it's a viagra ad (Mind you - it beats splints)
News Based Snippets
Don't work. End of.
Brevity is the key to snippet writing,,,
Kristen Stewart's Nude Mound Of Venus (Mons Veneris) Now Available via Internet Download
Yeah - and you believed that?
SHAME ON YOU!
Artist Doesn't Want To Write About Damp Teen - Idols' Crotchy Bits
Avoid at all costs. Crotchy bits are okay, but it'll never get you a job with the BBC
How many one-liners is it possible to create in an hour?
About seven million, an expert opines. You just switch off and let your brain go a bit mad - providing you have one.
How do you do it?
I don't really know - but I'm considering viagra.
Making Snippets Funny - Part Five
Rip the shit out of Scousers. They won't like it much, but they're an accentically challenged minority - and boycotting the Sun didn't really damage Murdoch.
Making Snippets Funny - Part Four
Don't mention Obama, or US politics - nobody outside the US understands it. Unless it involves Cap'n Morse, the Rodriguez fella, or the snippet chappy - US politics and humour don't mix.
Making Snippets Funny - Part Three
Learn from a master. Like me. I only charge £27 for a consultation. Mug.
Making Snippets funny - Part Two
Don't twat on. Just say what you're saying. Keep it brief.
Making snippets funny - Part One
I'm not telling you that. Because I am a bastard,
Bear Grylls snippets...easy...
Sexually Explicit Snippets
Don't bother. Your wife will only mock you. Mercilessly.
Don't mention sport - unless you're fending the wife off with a chair. Like a lion tamer. You won't win.
Any subtlety will be lost. Forget it.
Snippets - When Writing Snippets - Be Brief
Snippets Are A Piece Of P*ss
Cat agrees as it messes up de kitchen.
Spoof Writer Admits To Once Being Vaguely Amusing
Then he met his wife. That was it - game over.
Politician says something really deep and heavy.
Nobody seems to reliably remember what.
Spoof Writer Says He Can Do Snippets Too!
Probably about somebody who did or said something. Seems undetermined at the moment.
Snippets, celeb shite, or socks?
Socks win. Hands down. (?)
Shuttlecock Claims He Could Write Snippets All Day, Every Day, If Necessary..
Long suffering wife, Anne tells him to shut the fuck up and come to bed.
CIA Links Assange With Martin Shuttlecock
"Don't be so fucking daft," says Shuttlecock's long suffering wife, Anne. "He hasn't got the brains."
Local man remembers punchline, but forgets joke...
"He's fucking hopeless!" says long suffering wife.
Local Man Forgets Joke Punchline
"I forgot it, simple as that," says Martin Shuttlecock. Long suffering wife, Anne, hits him with a stick.
This one's a killer, says Martin Shuttlecock...
Who was I supposed to be killing here?
Sex, Dogs, And Hindu Gods...
They've got nothing to do with one another, says local man, Martin Shuttlecock.
78 Snippets A Day - I Couldn't Match That!
Says idiot who probably could. But they'd all be shite,
Spoof Writer Can't Do Snippets
"I can't do snippets," he says. The lying Manc bastard!
Chelsea Fan Smarting Over Chelsea Victory
"I get it up the tradesman's whichever way you look at it. It's a bit easier with a Greek bloke though, when we've won. Or even two Greek blokes. Hang on....that's hurting....
Man Utd Fans Smarting Over Chelsea defeat
"It's a pain in the arse," one says. "But at least we're starting to understand how Chelsea fans feel - week in, week out."
It's as easy as rolling off a log...
Daft bastard confounds critics, stays on log, writes Spoof article. It was a shitty article, but there you go.
Hollywood producer emphatically denies paedophilia allegations...
"We been doing this stuff since Judy Garland in The Wizard Of Oz - what's the problem?
Rocky Balboa expresses disgust over Philadelphia paedophile ring...
Yo ADRIAN! HELP ME OUT HERE!
Paedophiles get angry!
Why the hell would we want to live in Philadelphia?
Philadelphians get angry
Being associated with Philly blunts is okay. but not paedophiles. That's just wrong.
Philadelphia becoming popular among paedophiles
Oops - that should have read 'Paedophilia'
Paedophilia becoming popular because of Rocky Balboa Again
Sorry - typo - should have read 'Philadelphia.'
Philadelphia Becoming Fashionable Again
City fathers blame Rocky Balboa and spreadable cheese.
Paedophilia becoming fashionable again
Nah, not really - that would just be sick!
Demi Lovato gets naked!
Great news if you're pre-pubescent and prepared to believe anything.
Leopardskin jackets are all the rage
Unless you're a leopard - in which case, why bother? It ain't worth dying over.
I say, I say, I say - my dog's got no nose...
He's deformed. Birth defect or something.
Bad Day At Black Rock Beckons
For bloke about to have a bad day at Black Rock.
Wayne Rooney To Star In Shrek 5!
Not really. That's the oldest joke in the 21st Century.
Hefner Hits Back at Sheen
Hugh Hefner has hit back at Charlie Sheen for calling him an amateur; "I taught Sheen all he knows. I pointed out to him many times that you put the thing into the girl's vagina and take it from there. Without me he would be nothin!"
written by Auntie Matter, 02 March 2011
Spoof writer has all the answers...
Problem is, he can't remember the questions.
Spoof Writer Has Ground Breaking Idea!
Then forgets what it was.