Doctors recommend power naps at work
Unless you're a Polish lorry driver or airline pilot. In which case staying awake seems like a better idea
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Essex car thief caught
Habitual car thief Wayne Burberry was chased today by five police cars and a helicopter. Total cost of the chase was over 100K. He was given an on the spot fine of £80 and asked not to do it again.
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
The Country Formerly Known As Cuba?
Weather experts are predicting that if the Mississippi River keeps on dumping tons of floodwaters into the Gulf of Mexico, Cuba could end up being the size of New York's Central Park.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
The Furniture Business Scams Will Not Be Taking Place This Year
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has asked that all of the state's furniture stores please cancel their annual Furniture Fire Sales.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
The Greenland Monster Is Ugly As Hell
Scientists in Greenland have discovered a horrible oceanic creature. They say that it stands 80 feet tall with horrible looking teeth and looks like a cross between Godzilla and Amy Winehouse.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Egypt Has Some Pretty Strong Thieves
The government of Egypt has reported that over the weekend someone stole one of the oldest pyramids in existence. They ask that it please be returned no questions asked.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Good news and bad news
Ex PM Margret Thatcher is in hospital. You make up the bad news
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Fat Cats
Fat cats seen prowling in a Bank have been advised to go on a diet or risk diabetes and premature death.
written by j.w., 26 June 2011
Naming & Shaming
The Governor of the Bank of England warned the Government against online naming of criminals. 'This move would lead to a breakdown of the economic structure of the country' he claimed.
written by j.w., 26 June 2011
World's worst inventor's award
First place goes to Earl Grey whose inventions include; soluble tea bags, water resistant soap, a luminous sundial and solar powered torch. Proud to be British
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Arizona's Al Qaeda Organization Is Definitely In Good Hands
The Al Qaeda organization has announced that their home office in Arizona has burned down. An Al Qaeda official stated that the group luckily has insurance with Allstate so they'll be in good hands.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Texas - The Gun Tottingest State In America
The state of Texas, which recently passed a law allowing guns on college campuses, is now working on a bill that would allow guns in churches.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Sad, Sad Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin has confessed that her Tea Bag Party is losing so much support that she may have to change the name to the Water Bottle Party.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
The Very, Very Lonely Newt Gingrich
Newt Gingrich has just written a book about the departure of his entire campaign staff. The book is titled, Hey, Where The Hell Did Everybody Vamoose Off To?
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Michele Bachmann Is Kicking "Snowflake" Palin's Butt
Michele Bachmann said she's the new GOP sweetheart and that Sarah "Jock Strap" Palin can turn her Nationwide Tour Bus around and head on back up to her frozen Alaska and start shooting animals.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
The Amazing Photo of Billy The Kid and His Lover
A photo of Billy The Kid was purchased at an auction for $2.3 million. The reason the photo is so expensive is because it is the only May-December photo of the "Kid" and Joan Rivers in existence.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Tracy Morgan Has Finally Cleared The Gay Air
Tracy Morgan is now blaming his homophobic rant on the fact that he had drunk too much cheap wine, eaten too many moon pies, and actually overdosed on chicken wings.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Sarah Palin Admits Michele Bachmann Is Prettier Than Her
GOP maven Sarah Palin admits that Michele Bachmann may be prettier than her but is quick to add that Bachmann can't shoot a reindeer from a helicopter like she can.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Grapes are bad for you (Official)
A recent study of ill people in hospital has shown that 90% eat grapes. You heard it here first
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Uri Geller confession
Mr Geller says "Yes I did bend spoons and keys but I never touched Cliff Richard, I swear, he was already bent"
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Terry Waite handcuffed to radiator
Terry Waite was handcuffed to a radiator for three years, given little food and mentally tortured on an almost daily basis. This is not Beirut but his old people's home in Manchester
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Ugly dog wins "World's Ugliest Dog" contest!
A very ugly dog called Yolda has won the worlds most ugliest dog contest and also won a year long supply of doggy beauty cosmetics supplied by L'Ore-Alsation, hope they work, WOOF, WOOF!
written by unknown
Mel Gibson on wagon
Unfortunately it was a station wagon and he was pissed
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Wickford Hacker
Wickford hacker Ryan Cleary, 19 is accused by the CIA of being….@#£$%,,, I, I mean, he is innocent. He is a very nice lad and should be let off…….{+*&^$.....the world's number one hacker.
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Indian child labour laws outrage Red Cross
A Red Cross spokesman said he had seen children as young as six applying colouring to silk scarfs. "Clearly"; he said; "they are much too young to dye"
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
BNP to cut costs
BNP leader Nick Griffin said that transferring its call centre to India would save the party almost 75% of its annual running costs
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Oxford dictionary to change definition of Travellers
The word "Travellers" will now mean "Staying in the same place" This is following numerous complaints from the Basildon "Travellers" who have been on the same illegal site for more than ten years
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Wimbledon rejects new hi-tec square balls
Inventor Elmo Splint claimed the new shaped balls were easier to handle and stack. He went on to say; "The players never really gave them a chance, luddite bastards"
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Andy Murray breaks arm
Unfortunately it wasn't his but that of an over enthusiastic autograph hunter who mistook Mr Murray for someone famous
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Wimbledon centre court stolen
Officials arrived today to find the centre court missing. Police believe it was the same gang who stole The Grand National last year
written by Les Being, 26 June 2011
Political Correctness gone mad
The phrase 'Political Correctness Gone Mad' has been deemed politically incorrect. "We believe it should be Political Correctness gone below the average for mean mental capacity," said one PC advisor.
written by IainB, 26 June 2011
Maine Sure Gave In Too Easily
The state of Maine bowing to pressure from an atheist organization has agreed to remove the term Holy Mackerel from the state flag.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Wisconsin Has Some Very Influential Females
The state of Wisconsin has just banned Roger Miller's old 60s hit song King of The Road as being too sexist.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
"Gentlemen - Start Your Engines!"
The state of Indiana has voted that in an effort to save on gas next year's Indianapolis 500 is being changed to the Indianapolis 50.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Alaska Has A Rather Nice Neighborly Illegal Alien Solution
Sarah Palin was asked how they handle the illegal alien problem in Alaska. She replied that they give each illegal alien 10 pounds of salmon and fly them back to Russia.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 26 June 2011
Farmer Issues Clear Message To Detractors
Git over there wit' de combine harvesters.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
If Something Looks Too Good To Be True
A greedy bastard will fall for it every time.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Couple Celebrate Diamond Wedding
Him in Thailand, her in Turnham Green.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
21 Year Old Presented With Key Of The Door
Unaware that parents had moved house.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Magic Mushroom Loving Banker Arrested
For misappropriation of fungus.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
U2 Go To Tokyo
Where the streets have no name. Unless you're fluent in Japanese.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Unprecedented Number Of Rivers Dry Up And Disappear
Where have all the flowers gone?
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Lightbulb To Shine New Light On Police Case
Wait...that should have been Torch Shines New Light On...battery charger. Or something.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Firework Charged With Battery Then Let Off
Nope...there's a lightbulb in there somewhere...
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Firework Arrested For Assault On Battery
Nope...that's wrong too...
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Racketeer Says Business Is Booming
It usually does in Wimbledon fortnight.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Extortionist Takes The Piss
Complains he'd rather have taken the money.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
An Englishman An Irishman And A Scotsman
Played for Man Utd in the 68 European Cup Final - Charlton, Best and Crerand. True dat...no joke...
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Skoob Cracks Brilliant One-Liner Based On Film Title
That'll be the day...
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
Serial Offender Released From Jail
Vows not to play Monopoly again.
written by Skoob1999, 26 June 2011
