Rastafarians Behind News Of The World Plot
Let Spiffle! cure you of that Nude Hartebeeste Fetish. "My life was spoiled by a morbid dread of a pork butcher with a widow's peak", says Leicester shoehorn collector Miles Tupperware, "but Spiffle! cured me!" Spiffle! - It's not Piffle!.
written by Erskin Quint, 11 July 2011
About 7 Trillion Insects Meet Their Death of British Roads Every Year
A survey says that an estimated 7 trillion insects meet their death on British roads every year. However, there are no insects in the corridors of power in Whitehall - they're just parasites.
written by IN SEINE, 11 July 2011
A Norwegian car salesman has given up his day job to help tourists find their way around the mountains and valleys of his native country. His new job title: "Fjord Escort".
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 11 July 2011
Joan Rivers Is Right Behind Heidi Montag In The Implant Department
Joan Rivers has had so much body and facial implant surgery done that whenever she sneezes it smells like just like plastic.
Harold Camping Had Better Not Mess With Texas
Governor Rick "The Stick" Perry says he won't put up with flim-flam artists and vows that if Harold "The End of The World" Camping dares to set foot in Texas he will have the quack shot in the foot.
Derek What's-His-Name By Any Other Last Name
New York Yankees super star Derek Jeter has just announced that he is planning on changing his name to the more politically correct Derek Peter.
Poor Gary Busey Just Does Not Seem To Get Any Respect
Dr. Phil was asked if he would like to interview Gary "Space Alien" Busey. Dr. Phil replied, "Interview him? Hell I don't wanna be on the same planet as that fruity flake."
Now That Is The High Priced Spread!
If the Kardashian sister's butts were laid end-to-end they would reach from El Lay to San Fransissyco.
Dick "The WMD Liar" Cheney Will Never Ever Change
Former Vice-President and resident White House arrogant SOB Dick Cheney has just released his latest book. It is entitled Yep America, I'm Still A Dick!
Wynonna Judd Has Never Met A Hostess Twinkie She Did Not Like
Wynonna Judd is such a big fan of eating that she has named her cat Bacon Girl and her dog Bacon Boy.
Elton John - The Guy Who Likes Gals (Kinda)
Elton John has agreed to appear on the reality show The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, but he is a disappointed that he will not get to appear as one of the housewives' girlfriends.
News Corporation share price plummets
An insider blamed the share price fall on a recent unexpected increase in mobile phone charges
Murdoch makes statement
At a press conference he said; "I'll fix this mess by hook or by crook". Probably not the best choice of words but it's nice to Gerald Ratner's speech writer back in work.
Met police face pension crisis
Officers concerned after their pension top scheme was closed last Sunday
For sale. Office paper shredder
Only one week old but well used and in need of slight attention. Any reasonable offer considered. Call Rebekah Brooks, landline only please.
Rebekah Brooks has withdrawn from a prize-giving event at Preston's Fulwood
According to the Head teachers voicemail
NHS staff lose faith in managers
They also lost an elderly man who walked off and a pregnant woman they had put in a broom cupboard
David Beckham spotted in Greggs the bakers
He said he got confused. He wanted to go and watch the Open Golf Championship in Sandwich
Met police accused of taking money from NoW for information
Speaking from her luxury yacht, PC Penny Grabber said; "That's an outrageous slur. I'm as straight as a banana"
Disabled boy in England not allowed to join Boy Scouts
A boy, born with only 2 fingers on his right hand,has been blocked from joining the Boys Scouts because he is unable to make the correct salute. The clever lad left giving a two fingured salute.
Wills and Kate back on British ground
Both said the first thing they were looking forward to was a 'decent cup of tea'.
Two headed Royal python undecided
The two headed Royal python is believed to be in two minds about being trained to predict World Cup game outcomes.
It cleans, it shines, it disinfects!
None of the above. It's the name of the Beckhams' new baby girl.
Posh and Becks have their lillte girl
Congrats to Victoria and David on the birth of their baby girl....but the name....Harper Seven! Sounds like the name of a gang wanted for major crimes, or a toilet bleach brand name. Poor child.
New Dandelion and Murdock Soda.
'Seems like a good idea when you buy it, but leaves an unpleasant taste in your mouth'
written by churchmouse, 11 July 2011
Mayan calendar predicted News of the World ending in 2012
Only one year out. That's not bad for an ancient civilization that didn't have access to a pocket calculator.
US suspends Pakistan military aid…......
by the ankles until he tells them where the rest of al-Qaeda are hiding out
Beckhams have baby girl
When David was asked if he was disappointed because she can't play for Man U. He said no, there's always West Ham
A Ministry of Defence Health Warning
"WARNING: Improvised Explosive Devices can kill. British soldiers cannot, if they catch you planting them!"
written by IN SEINE, 11 July 2011
Tom Cruise May Be Getting His Own Reality Show
Tom Cruise has been asked to host a brand new reality show called Okay So Who Wants To Jump On My Couch For Some Damn Good Prizes?
David "El Gordo" Crosby Knows His Mail
David Crosby said that he first realized that he had a weight problem when he started receiving junk mail that was addressed to Fat Occupant.
The Reason Why Larry King Will Not Be Dancing on 'Dancing With The Stars'
Larry King says that he would love to appear on Dancing With The Stars but can't because he does not dare leave his sex hormone-crazed wife at home alone.
Another Internet Site Bites The Dust
The Internet site called Sitting on My Facebook has been officially shut down due to the obvious reason.
Oprah Winfrey The Woman With More Relatives Than The Osmond Family
Oprah Winfrey saying that she already misses not being on television is planning on putting together a new reality show called, Hey Lissen Up - So Which of My Long Lost Relatives You Be Huh?
Sarah Palin Defends Mexico
Sarah Palin was recently asked about the San Andreas Fault. She thought about it for a second and then replied that people have to stop blaming Mexico for every little thing that happens in Arizona.
Brett "The Retired Viking" Favre Wants To Dance Real Bad
Brett Favre has expressed a desire to appear on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars but the shows producers are afraid that his tears could cause him or his partner to slip on the dance floor.
Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer Is At It Again
Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona is getting a bit carried away with her illegal alien situation. She has now decided to ban Leprechauns from entering the state.
Miss Oprah Winfrey Does Have Lot$ of Money
If all of Oprah Winfrey's money was laid end-to-end it would stretch around John Goodman's stomach a total of 9.8 trillion times.
Hertz Is Number One - Avis Is Number Two
In a move to capture the mood of the present times considering the exploits of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and John Edwards, Avis is changing their slogan from We Try Harder to We're Hard.
US suspends aid to Pakistani military
"Nanny, nanny, na, na!" taunted the Obama administration, dangling the aid just out of reach.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 11 July 2011