Ecological Disaster!
Hungary sludge flood called 'ecological disaster' as Blue Danube turns reddish brown. Other more colorful names given to sludge by locals.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
O'Donnell Apparently No Witch
First Christine O'Donnell TV ad: 'I'm not a witch, I'm you' Apparently she's a 63-year-old male with a white beard and mustache & a bad back.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
No Spoofer, He
Stewart jokes about Sanchez firing; ex-CNN host apologizes. However, most didn't realize it was a joke, much like his other comments.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Fries With That
No laps for warm laptops; skin damage is possible. "Does anyone else smell something like...fried penis?"
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Knew It All The Time
Don't worry, be happy" may be more than just a wishful mantra. A new study finds that happiness levels can change, suggesting happiness isn't predetermined by genes or personality but fine liquor!
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Just In Time For Election
Treasury cuts bailout price tag to $50 billion...down from $50 Gadzillion!
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Meanwhile You Bankrupted Our Children's Future
Bank bail-out supporters struggling for re-election. "Go ask all your banking buddies for their votes!" the usual reply.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Bomber Sentenced
Times Square bomber sentenced to life in prison, warns of more attacks. Prison personel warns him of the same.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Voter Apathy
42 percent of next months voters already regretting the way they will vote.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Terror Alert System Changes
Rather than colours, terror scale measured by politicans. Medium Crisis is Nick Clegg. Big Crisis Gordon Brown. Huge crisis John Prescott. Safe doesn't exist.
written by masterchev, 05 October 2010
Dutch "break-a-leg" footy star, De Jong, banned from entering Holland!
Dutch footy star Nigel de Jong has been banned from entering Holland, the reason is obvious, no-one should ever copy "Mon Dieu" Eric Cantona and attempt to Kung Fu kick, Eric was simply the best!
written by unknown
Innes Party Responds to Republican Slight
Responding to former witch Christine O'Donnell's controversial "I'm You" ad, a rep from the upstart Innes Party said, "I know you know what you know but you should know by now that you're not me."
written by Revisorius, 05 October 2010
Dame Helen Mirren a flop in latest Wii Fit promotion.
Public thought she was advertising incontinence pants.
written by Thibarine, 05 October 2010
Rogue trader Jerome Kerviel breaks down in court as he is ordered to repay the bank five billion euro.
It could take me weeks to earn that kind of money, sobbed the distraught Frenchman.
written by Thibarine, 05 October 2010
Local Man Gets Rid Of Bloodhound
Says every time it bites him it draws blood...
written by Skoob1999, 05 October 2010
Don't Ask Don't Tell
While unanimously agreeing on a $726 Billion Defense bill, members of the U.S. congress feverishly debated how many gay angels would fit on the head of a pin.
written by kslaught, 05 October 2010
Too Used To The Heat
No laps for warm laptops; skin damage is possible. Also, it can ruin your sex life as it makes it more difficult to get hot otherwise.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
New Car Ratings
'Stars on Cars' ratings system getting tougher as Consumer Guide change to 'hands with thumbs up' gesture.
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Dog Whisperer Knocks Obama
'Dog Whisperer' knocks Obama's handling of Bo. "He has never allowed the little one to eat the leftovers on his plate..a basic connection between man and dog."
written by Bureau, 05 October 2010
Monty gets munchies during Ryder Cup
He misheard team live radio transmission "Fisher chips"...
written by pinxit, 05 October 2010
Internet porn addicts issued with free "toaster" laptops to provide cheap winter heating for the elderly.
They can now get aroused and benefit pensioners at the same time, just like Wayne Rooney.
written by Thibarine, 05 October 2010
Consultancy Firms To Hire Thousands Despite Govt Cuts
Said Toilet & Douche spokesman; "Ha ha ha! Great, innit? We're getting money, you are not.."
Added KMGP insider: "Have a cigar, dude!"
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 05 October 2010
History will Repeat Itself
Iran's President Ahmadinejad called for US leaders to be "buried" (2010). USSR Premier Nikita Khrushchev said "we will bury you" (1956). The dustbin of history awaits the Iranian president!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World
California is considering allowing people smoking Marijuana to drive cars while under the influence. ACLU sues the state, asking the court that drunks & cell phone users are accorded the same rights!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
New Sex Study
The lead researchers, from Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion, said the study fills a void that has grown since the last comparable endeavor was published 16 years ago.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
Sometimes You can't Win
Man abandons using his laptop, because of the fear of incurring "toasted skin syndrome." He switched to a supercomputer and the printer fell on his foot!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
At the Rally
LONE RANGER: Reverend Al Sharpton spoke at a Washington DC rally, claiming we are the mainstream. TONTO: Reverend Al Sharpton still speaks with forked tongue from the left side of his mouth!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
It Really is in the Water
Federal government provides grant money to fund a study of transsexual fish living in the Potomac River. The White House and US Capitol drinking water comes from the Potomac River!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
Washington DC Nitwits Strike Again
The federal government mandated NYC change street signs from capital letters to lower case letters based on safety concerns. The $27 million could feed a lot of people during this recession.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
President Bush Didn't Do It
Pres. Obama said the US was facing an "untenable fiscal situation" & would have to get serious about tackling its federal deficit. Perhaps it has to do with Obama's $3 trillion deficit spending spree!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
Eligibility
Rahm Emanuel left the White House to run for Mayor of Chicago, but is he eligible? It is hard to believe Rahm didn't know about the residency requirement. Did President Obama ask him to leave?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
New Technology
A new US missile with a sense of smell is being used to target the Afghanistan Taliban. A strike eliminated 15 insurgents leaving three Afghani civilians unhurt, pushing the latter out of the way!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
New Technology Bombs
A new US missile with a sense of smell was used to target the Taliban in Pakistan. The missile requires an upgrade as it wasn't able to differentiate between the militants & Pakistani civilians!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 October 2010
