Forgets Washington, Lincoln
Reid: Greatest Living Americans Are Robert Byrd And Ted Kennedy.
US Exaggerating Terror Threat
Pakistan accuses White House of exaggerating Al Qaeda terror threat as explosions heard in the background.
Cut Social Security?
Dems feud over plan to fix deficit. Alice Rivlin's plan to fix the deficit would include cutting Social Security benefits and raising the retirement age. Obama wants to play golf & shoot some hoops.
USA Won't Recover Lost Jobs 'Until March 2020' At Current Pace. Never, if kept on the past two years of ass-dragging.
Free newspaper with your DVD next Sunday
TheSpoof.com has teamed up with amazing film producer George Clooney to give you a free exclusive copy of our Sunday paper TheSpoofserver for every copy of Syriana purchased tomorrow.
written by Jimbo Gunn, 09 October 2010
Historians Mad Enough To Kill
Archeologists admit that finding King Tut was a hoax. "We dug up an old grave in Montana and wrapped it in old used tape."
Few GPS Systems Sold There
GPS makers lament low sales, especially among the Amish communities.
Ca. Teaches Making Do!
California Teachers: Paying for School Supplies Themselves - and More! Budget cuts leave many to live on apples brought in by thoughtful students.
Tear Down The House?
FHA: Homes with Chinese drywall should be torn down. People who sold it to you tarred and feathered. But not with tar from China. It contains lead.
Bring Back Headlines
Large Hadron Collider: You keep if=gnoring me and you won't like what will happen.
All Gay Ships #2
Navy to test all gay ship crews. Would solve complaints of men and women serving daily on submarines.
US Navy to test having all-gay ships but there would be regular inspections for nuclear weapons not to be shined and recolored in paisley colors.
In a legal breakthrough Paramount has decided to sue itself.
written by merlin1212, 09 October 2010
GOP "Pledge to America" Plagiarized
A German publishing company is suing the GOP because they claim that sections of the "Pledge to America" were blatantly plagiarized from "Mein Kampf"
written by lev, 09 October 2010
Painful Arthritis (Oh Me!) Up In US!
20% in United States..Ow! have..ohhh arthritis - Cases hup! ...up 1 Million whooee...a year! Mmmm. Yep!
The campaign of California Democratic gubernatorial candidate Jerry Brown is apologizing to Republican Meg Whitman after an aide referred to her as a "whore". "He meant a floozie, of course."
We Can't Sleep, Floating Around Everywhere
A trio of spacefliers, including one American astronaut & two Russian cosmonauts that blasted off for the International Space Station aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft, send message they have bedbugs!
NKorea Celebrates New Leader
With succession set, North Korea throws a party. Launch a dozen rockets over Japan, South Korea into the ocean!
Italians Leaving Country
Arrivederci, Italia: Why Young Italians Are Leaving! "My ass has been pinched black & blue", claims one 21-year-old.
Can't Wait To See What It's About
Sarah Palin's new book, "Shall I Run?" out in January. Tells supporters, "I hope it's better that the last one."
Line Up Gentleman!
Attorneys from the Gulf region of the US win right to file first lawsuits against BP for oil spill. Other 500 will be drawn from lottery numbers.
Afghans War Weary
Wary Afghans mull possible Taliban peace talks. "At this rate, there won't be anyone left to rule over", say tired citizens.
Recipe Came From New Guinea
U.S. pulls Abbott's Meridia diet drug off market after customers complain that they first lose weight from their head shrinking.
One Month Ultimatum!
The PLO, said on Saturday they would give the United States one month to persuade Israel, which doesn't exist, to halt the building of settlements in the West Bank or risk the collapse of peace talks.
Great Friend, Pakistan
Pakistan reopens supply route for NATO forces, immediately after last fuel truck blown up.
New Superheroes Familiar
Stan Lee joins with MTV to create new comic series, "Granddaddy Man with his female partner, Busty Longlegs".
Hungary Sells Sludge
Red chemical sludge in Hungary being sold to US political candidates to be mixed with thrown mud!
Facebook Loves Pot
Facebook co-founders give $170K to pro-pot pleasure .....MEASURE!
School Dinner Lady Warned
School dinner lady warned giving pupil a BISCUIT could be seen as 'grooming for sex'. "I guess I shouldn't give one to a stray dog either", she replies.
One Big Winner!
Britain's £113m lotto winner? One EuroMillions ticket scoops UK's biggest-ever jackpot. Skoob missing.
New Driver Bans
Feds Weigh Ban on All Phone Use by Drivers! Also most sex acts!
Missed It By 'That' Much!
Global hurricane activity at 33-year lows; Pacific activity at historical low. Weather expects who predicted huge storms scratching their heads, balls.
Boehringer Ingelheim Stops Development Of Sex Drive Pill
"Got a headache," said a spokesman.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
No 'Hope' In 2012
OBAMA '12: Hope will not do the trick second time...but charity towards all voters might.
Dow closes above 11,000 on speculation Fed help coming. Expecting to have a lot more US funds headed their way.
JOBLESS RATE TOPS 9.5% FOR 14 STRAIGHT MONTHS.
It's a good thing that the recession ended in 2009!
Bidden Bites Through Leash
Vice President Biden: 'If We Lose, We're Going To Play Hell' so be prepared for little cooperation in getting things done.
The NFL says it will review allegations involving the Vikings' Brett Favre, whom a website said sent racy messages and photos to a former game hostess while he was the Jets' quarterback in 1927.
Ex-QB To Open N.O. Restaurant
Saints ex-QB Archie manning to open restaurant in New Orleans. "I'm No Saint" to open first of November!
Madonna Fan Told To Stay Away
Fan told to stay away from Madonna's NYC home but Madonna asks about size, weight, size, age and size.
John Lennon Celebration
John Lennon's 70th celebrated in Central Park. Shooting reenactment in front of Dakota Hotel. Some argue that's in bad taste but so is Yoko.
Illegal, Legal Drug Prices To Rise Again
FDA Data firm, Mexican Drug Cartel see 2011 drug sales rising 5-7 percent!
Drug Sales Rise
Data firm sees 2011 drug sales rising 5-7 percent, maybe higher if legal marijuana bill passes in California.
More Adults Hobbled
CDC: More American adults hobbled by arthritis, untied shoe strings, too much to drink and cats running across path suddenly.
Both Too Sweet
NY seeks to ban sugary drinks from food stamp buys. Also fake 'Honey' this and 'Honey' that from employees fake comments.
New Bugs, Frogs Found
Scientists see new bugs, frogs in Papua New Guinea, Empire State Building!
Obama Trailing Bush?
President Barack Obama numbers now below that of former President Bush according to one poll.
Pompey Celebrations Over Match-Free Weekend
Portsmouth FC "superfan" Jake Seaport was dancing round Fratton Park, Saturday, celebrating a defeat-free weekend for Pompey due to the international break.
"Going up, going up, going up!" He sang.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 09 October 2010
POLITICAL INSIDER: Where's President Bush? GOP Candidates say to leave him alone. "Look how Obama's campaign is screwing up Dems!"
Two Balloon Festivals Begin
Major balloon race gets under way in Albuquerque. Hydrogen Condom/Lawn Chair race under way in Arkansas.
Brazil's First Woman President
Brazil Likely to Elect First Woman President. Most Likely It Will Be An Amazon!
Wally World Tightens Up
Wal-Mart ends profit sharing with employees! "Can't allow ourselves to go broke", says Walton family rep.
Iran Ready To Deal?
Iran says ready for nuclear talks with major powers, now that Israel has placed another virus into computer launching system.
Abbas may ask U.S. to recognize Palestinian state with capitol in Rubble City!
Now, Here Come Da Sludge
Hungary sludge reservoir may collapse, still another town, mayor's bowels evacuated.
Gunmen in Pakistan torch nearly 30 NATO fuel tankers. Rest of tankers set the rest on fire and leave.
Facebook Backing Pot
Facebook co-founders give $170K to pro-pot measure. "Should make for funnier photographs", says co-founder.
China Climate Improvements #2
China highlights climate change efforts as many outdoor employees see each other for the first time in 20 years.
China Climate Improvements
China highlights climate change efforts. Citizens in most cities now only need to wear masks six months out of the year.
Major balloon race gets under way in Albuquerque. Last years winner last seen over Pacific Ocean.
US/China Ties Strained
Analysis: Nobel prize, trade, Miley Cyrus slant-eyed gesture strain US-China ties!
BofA Stops Foreclosures
Bank of America stops US foreclosures for review. Apologizes to those 59,000 families that have been living in shelters.
Stimulating The Dead
72,000 stimulus payments went to dead people! "And, outside of a few in New Orleans, we haven't stimulated them a bit", admits Senator.
Facebook co-founders give $170K to pro-pot measure. "It's time to give a little bit back!"
Commonwealth Games Hit by Mystery Bug
Indian Authorities are at a loss as to why athletes have been falling ill with a mystery vomiting bug. Indian Government sources say they are only spiking food with laxatives.
written by Whitters, 09 October 2010
WalMart:: No More Spoiling!
Wal-Mart ends profit sharing with employees. Also lunch hour cut from 30 minutes to five.
Minimum Wage Only
Wal-Mart ends profit sharing with employees. "We have spoiled them rotten", says Walton family member.
Spies In Iran
Iran revealed for the first time Saturday that some personnel at the country's nuclear facilities were lured by promises of money to pass secrets to the West & that these people have 'disappeared'.
Verge Of Collapse
Hungary sludge reservoir at risk of collapse and so are those who are fighting to keep it out of Danube River.
Scientists Find George Bush's Brain - Claim Mission Accomplished.
Scientists have been on the hunt for George W. Bush's brain since he took office in 2000. On Friday Scientists finally discovered it tied to a cow. Claim "Mission Accomplished."
written by lev, 09 October 2010