Redo The Whole Thing...Again!
Shrinking US dollar has casinos worried that they will not be accepted in slot machines.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Berkeley Wants DNA
UC Berkeley Asking Incoming Students For DNA. No big deal, it's just that Ripper going around and everything."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Campbell Brown Quits CNN Anchor Post
Ratings are what brought her down. "Sandwiched between O'Reilly on the right side and Olbermann on the left, I felt like a big glop of chopped liver right there in the middle."
written by Charpa93, 19 May 2010
Environmentalists on Florida's East Coast Say Limbaugh Bigger Threat than Tar Balls
Environmentalists are weighing in on the potential threat tar balls may have on Florida's east coast beaches. They claim the sewage spewing from Limbaugh's home is way more toxic.
written by Charpa93, 19 May 2010
Must Control Tea Party
After losing several primaries to the Tea Party candidates, Dems to organize Tupperware Party to contain them.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
"Granny: My Boobs Will Block My Sight"
Next year's Bear Wallow Quilting Bee to include a swimsuit competition!
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
"Got An Eagle On #8, Par 4!"
Pope Benedict returns today after two-week vacation driving popemobile mostly around golf courses.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
China Recall
China recalls computer chip as it mistakenly sent out the wrong kind, sour cream & onions.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Amy Winehouse Pays $1M for Deluxe Flat at London Clinic
Amy Winehouse has purchased a block of rooms at the London Clinic at Mayfair and had them refurbished into a lovely flat, since that is where she spends a fair amount of her time these days anyways.
written by Charpa93, 19 May 2010
"I Like Your Suntan, Honey. X Marks The Spot!"
Victoria's Secret introduces a new product for the more shy women on the beach, the cross-over thong.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
"Here Comes The Big Bad Buck!"
Victoria's Secret introduces new line of "deer scented" bras for lady's married to the outdoor type.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
MISS USA Popular!
Miss USA's popularity has gone up 50% since film came up where she wins a stripper contest.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Had Everyone Fooled
The PGA has ruled that Phil Mickelson impersonator must return $400,000 first place win last weekend.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Next Book Coming Up
Man who ran over Stephen King found dead once again. This time buried under Yucca Mountain.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
South Expecting Weather
Southeast bracing for another warm summer. "Somehow we always make it through it", says local lad.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
US Muslims want to build a mosque on Ground Zero site, NY Lunacy!
Plans to build a Mosque next to the Ground Zero site is upsetting some "normal" NYorkers, others, loonies, don't seem to give a damn, especially those wanting to worship there, it's called NY Lunacy!
written by unknown
Local Man Inherits 100 Billion Dollars From Nigerian Woman
"I just answered an email from some lovely lady that was the former president's sister in-law. Now I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams!", said Dave Snickers.
written by unknown
Local Pond Gloob Is Stupid
It was described as 'Ignorant Scum' by some locals.
written by unknown
Local Pharaoh loses his Mummy
Little Billy Tutenkahmoun from number 26, the Pyramid, Sphinx Street, has lost his mother.
He is available for collection at the local shopping centre.
written by unknown
An Apple a Day keeps the Doctor Away
Little bastards throwing apples from nearby trees have prevented Dr. Sanjeev Babinki from getting to the hospital.
written by unknown
Stock Markets Crash
…Bells tinkle and cows moo…
written by unknown
Al Qaeda planned to blow up the World Cup, but they failed!
In an attempt to blow up the World Cup Bin Laden and his Al Qaeda was thwarted by one of his own men, he moved the goalposts and they missed the target!
written by unknown
LA Gang Breaks Up #12
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Feeble Fanatics, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Wasn't Hu On First?
Poll says that more Americans are learning more about China's leader Hu after his bio was published in "Who's Hu".
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Your Neighborhood Nose
President enlists nation's snitches, tattle tales to keep an eye on their neighborhood and report anything Republican.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Early Reports
New 2010 early census reports that there are many more "Don't really give a rat's ass anymore" than in the 2000 census.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Pelosi's New Job
A new version of Hollywood Squares will be coming out next year with Nancy Pelosi in the center square.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Singer Elvis Costello Refuses to Perform in Israel
"Oy vey, what a schmuck," said one man as Israelites far and wide kvetshed about this latest development.
written by Charpa93, 19 May 2010
More Couple's Living Together To Marry?
New tax laws would give married couples a break so that those living together because of being charged more taxes can marry.
Most say that's still not incentive enough.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Dinsaurs Dying Out!
According to Barney, the dinosaurs did not die out because of a meteor or global warming. "They all just became silly and turned purple"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Bill Helping For Free
Former US President Bill Clinton told the press yesterday that it is time for him to "give a little bit back" and joins "Volunteers For Clean Hooters Restaurant Areas".
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Finally Taking Responsibility
Several sugary cereals and salty snack makers agree to quit advertising on cartoon shows for kids and switch to "The Old Stoners Network".
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #11
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Good- Fellowship Friends Of The Devil Himself, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Real Flying Saucers
US Air Force reports that all the recent reports of flying saucers were due to desperate housewives in the area.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #10
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, Pansy Peckers, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
But Cave Could Have Been Used Later
The U.S. military has announced that an unmanned rocket has blown up an unoccupied cave in Afghanistan.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Remember, We're Here To Help!
Exxon-Mobile Oil says that actions of BP disgraceful and should be boycotted.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Woman Hides in Coffin to Avoid Arrest
An escaped prisoner was accidentally interred when she found her way into a funeral home and hid in a coffin to avoid arrest
written by emccorm, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #9
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, Twinky's Tormenting Turkies, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #8
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Junktown Twits, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #7
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Fuckturd Freaks, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #6
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Humiliated Homeboys, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #5
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, Wild Willie's Wussies, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #4
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Boxed Jocks, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #3
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, Percy's Pratts, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up #2
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Einstein Lions, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
LA Gang Breaks Up
Los Angeles police say that one local gang, The Porky Dorks, has given up as they have lost all skirmishes between gangs.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Got Thirsty
25 illegal immigrants found hiding among crates of wine in back of lorry heading for Britain after they began singing.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Too Much Of A Good Thing?
Guitarist falls ill after taking too much Viagra. "I was a total prick for a solid week."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Don't Misunderstand
JetBlue to launch Boston-Phoenix nonstop service...except, of course, at Boston and Phoenix.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Yellowstone Pass Opens
Yellowstone's Dunraven 'Hail Mary' Pass opens this Friday.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
At Least She Was Free
Journalist says she confessed in N. Korean prison. "I even told Kim I was Daisey Duck's niece."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Ochocinco Kicked Off!
NFL star Chad Ochocinco kicked off 'Dancing'. Changes his name again, this time to 'Boogie Woogie".
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Cell Phone Study: Inconclusive
Study on cell phone link to cancer inconclusive as guy doing study succumbs to cancer before it is finished.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
H & R Closes Offices
H&R Block cuts 400 jobs, shuts 400 stores citing over 100,000 bomb threats.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Could Be Coincidence
Obama endorsements don't seem to help Democrats, say political experts. "That's only going by the fact that every one of them lost."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Astronauts to aim Giant Asteroid at Gulf of Mexico to Plug Leak!
NASA scientists intend to steer an asteroid the size of New Jersey directly at the Gulf of Mexico to plug the BP oil leak. If it worked 20 million years ago, it will work today.
written by Mr Dovie, 19 May 2010
Relish Hot Dogs In Kentucky
Democrats relish Paul's GOP win in Ky. Senate race as yells of "Hot Dog!" fill the air.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Pa. Senate Race
Senate race in Pa. will be about jobs, economy, too many Philadelphia lawyers.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Nick Clegg's first policy
Nick Clegg has announced to the country that there will be no more IDs required. Work and Pensions secretary, Ian Duncan Smith is said to be livid.
written by IainB, 19 May 2010
Could Turn Out To Be Right
La.'s late bird, the dead pelican, imperiled by oil. I'm sorry, that should be: La.'s state bird, brown pelican, imperiled by oil.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Not So Secret
Top US security officials meet in secret Pakistan cave find note from Bin Laden.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Oil Mystery
Scientists trying to figure out why huge oil slick in the Gulf seems to change every 3,000 miles.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Drastic Measures
President Obama hires Oil Whisperer to try to lead the huge spill out to sea.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Iran Opposes Sanctions
Proposed Iran sanctions face opposition, especially by Iran!
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Skip The Dog
Skip the Dog and Have Another Burger says health study on ABC News. "Dogs were meant to be pets."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Now Where Has It Gone
Scientists watching where oil spill headed next although it continues to give them the "slip"!
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #7
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "May huge boils grow to the size of horse apples on your ass and smell worse."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #6
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "May ye all go hunting with Dick Cheney this fall."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
How About Politicians?
Workers asked to return bonuses after 16 years. "Counting interest, you each owe $50,000!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Miss USA Controversary
Miss USA controversies storm the blogosphere after films of stripper contest she won ran nearly 1 million times now. "Disgusting", says one twenty-time viewer.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #5
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. May ye all choke on your vomit and not one around ye know the Heimlich Maneuver!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #4
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "May you be taken out and bull-whipped, tarred and feathered."
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #3
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "A pox, a huge pox on the lot of ye!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message #2
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "May you all rot in your sleep!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Harsh Message
Primary Voters Send Harsh Message to Senate Incumbents. "We hope you all die soon!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Whatever!
Voters back anti-DC, anti-establishment, anti-socialistic, antidisestablishmentarianism candidates
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Prime Minister to resign
London, Tuesday. Prime Minister David Cameron will resign the post effective noon tomorrow because he doesn't like living in pokey little hovels such as Number 10. "I grew up in mansions" Cameron said
written by whatinthe world, 19 May 2010
Cameron resigning after bad taste left in mouth
New Prime Minister David Cameron will resign from the post tomorrow blaming catering at Number Ten Downing Street for the cause. "The prawn cocktail damn nearly killed me" Cameron said. Corr blimey!
written by whatinthe world, 19 May 2010
Cameron has had enough
New Prime Minister David Cameron says he will resign on Friday from the post because he can't stand sitting next to Nick Clegg. "He smells bad" commented Cameron. Has David ever smelt his own body?
written by whatinthe world, 19 May 2010
Brown aims high
Former Prime Minister Gordon Brown says he now wants to become President of the United States of America. Not satisfied with his last post, Brown will risk everything to knock off the big job. Huh!
written by whatinthe world, 19 May 2010
Man Marries Wasp
George Pimp, 47 married a wasp today at Hume Registry Office, once the Registrar had established that the wasp was female, otherwise it would have had to be a civil partnership.
written by The Medium Cheese, 19 May 2010
Gulf Oil Disaster Imperils Oil Company Profits; BP Pundits Puzzled
Barbara Schroeder, national profit coordinator for BP, said that the company was investigating the oil spill - now considered to be the worst in history - intensively, but did not have answers yet.
written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010
Shooting People Taints America's Image
America's habit of invading and then shooting up independent countries, often followed by takeover, profit-mongering & a nice tea, has inexplicably diminished its popularity amoung fellow Earthlings.
written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010
Full Employment Milestone: 1,000 Americans Dead, 1000 Job Openings in US Military
Keeping America alert & willing to support Gestapo-type legislation requires sacrifice from our brave men & women in uniform. They do not die in vain: each death garners votes & opens up one new job.
written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010
U.S. Military Milestone: 1,000 Americans Dead, 250 Million To Go
After receiving alarming reports about insufficient war casualties from his top commander in Afghanistan, President Obama ordered 300,000 more troops into the war, most of whom will be dead by summer.
written by Tragic Rabbit, 19 May 2010
Swine Flu Fires Publicist
After leading all news stories last year, the swine flu has been forgotten like "The Weakest Link" In an attempt to reclaim popularity, the virus has fired its publicist.
written by Guy Bellefonte, 19 May 2010
Female Boss Does Great Job-for a girl
Little Sally Dunham has grown up and now runs a call center in Phoenix. Her fat ass, bitchy personality and pants suits make her a great boss-for a girl.
written by Guy Bellefonte, 19 May 2010
As rare as Asian dwarfism
Go ahead, name one time you ever saw an Asian dwarf
written by Guy Bellefonte, 19 May 2010
Millions Late For Work
...when man awarded key to New York City decides to sleep in.
written by Adam Click, 19 May 2010
Greece Offers Gift Horse
Greece offers to repay loan from the other EU countries with big wooden horse!
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Miss Arab USA
Arab-Americans delight in Miss USA victory. Then ask for her head after they learn about stripper contest.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Times Square Bomber
Feds: Times Square bomb suspect to appear in court . "Let's see how big of a man he is without his bombs!", derides Police Chief.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Palin Hits Circuit
Bristol Palin to hit speakers' circuit. She'll be starting in Bugtussle, Arkansas before ending her tour in Bear Wallow, Kentucky.
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Manhood Screamholler Classic #20
New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "I Found My Dill, With A Little Purple Pill!"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Manhood Screamholler Classic #19
New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "The Goody Wood Pecker Song"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Manhood Screamholler Classic #18
New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "The Boney Parts Retreat"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Manhood Screamholler Classic #17
New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "Up, Up & Away In Our Nippled Balloon"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
Manhood Screamholler Classic #16
New La Vitra Album by Manhood Screamholler out in July will include their version of old favorites such as "One-Eyed, Big Horned Flying Purple Pickle Eater"
written by Bureau, 19 May 2010
