Americans Must Lose Weight
In a recent study, over 75% of doctors say that Americans must begin losing weight as only an average of 5.5 will fit into their waiting rooms.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Vets Are Back
1.6 million U.S. military veterans that disappeared from a computer 4 years ago, suddenly showed up this afternoon, coming out on an Iowa cornfield.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Change Coming?
President Obama stated today that while the democrats will probably lose some in the fall elections, he still thinks they will hold on to both houses of prostitution.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Woman Raped by Census Worker Demands to Be Counted
A woman, the victim of a rape by a census worker states, that during the confusion of the arrest she doesn't believe she was properly counted in the 2010 census. She demands that it be rectified.
written by emccorm, 12 May 2010
Dick Cheney Schedules Sixth Heart Attack
Worried that the oil spill disaster will be blamed on his abuse of power, Dick Cheney has scheduled yet another mild heart attack to keep investigators from coming down too hard on him.
written by Charpa93, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #17
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Rear Widow".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #16
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movie classics at nation's nudist colonies, including "Old Man Holiday
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Obama Won't Play With Limbaugh
Obama won't play golf with Limbaugh. "Let him go play with himself." Limbaugh says Obama can't play because he cannot lower his head out of the air. "If it rains, he's drown."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Great Lovers, Poor Courting Practices
Scientists now say that there is evidence that humans bred with Neanderthals. "Remains show that some bow-legged, partially bald well-bred human females preferred the Neanderthals.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Ash Divides Experts
Ash still flowing from Iceland volcano across Europe polluting the air but also lowering temperatures while blocking sun. Environmentalists don't know whether to shit or go blind.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Blind Mice See, One Permanently
Three Blind Mice, Curley, Larry and Moe, see again after retinal transplant. Moe immediately pokes other two in the eyes with toes.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Wooden Shoes Banned
After Dutch banning of the wearing of burqas, Iraq bans the use of wooden shoes. "I don't blame them", states former US President Bush. "Wooden shoes could be dangerous."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Bring On The Battleships!
Countries see trouble ahead as nuclear weapons sent from Russia to Syria and Iran are hijacked by Somali pirates.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
No Implants Allowed
Hooter's Restaurants are laying off any waitresses with implants. "There's been too many explosions in the kitchen", states one owner.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Michael Jackson In Orleans
Citizens of New Orleans say that they have seen Michael Jackson there late at night. "He's still cute", stated one lady. "Give him some brains and he'll moonwalk."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Each One Wants A Separate Homeland
Latest proposal for Iraq and Afghanistan by US Generals. "Divide them up into their own groups of people in 200 regions."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Kagen Questioned
Elena Kagan, new nominee for the Supreme Court, when asked today about situations in Iraq and Pakistan stated, "Punt!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
WalMart For Artists
Old style nude paintings making a comeback. Ladies with big bottoms being sought by artists while touring WalMarts.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Chili Of Ass Destruction
Indian military developing weapons of world's hottest chili. Mexico continues to retaliate in uncontrolled chili build-up!
Smell now stronger from the south than the oil slick.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
A massive Black Hole from a distant galaxy is hurtling towards Soweto?
A Black hole flung out of its galxy by the motehr Black hole is hurtling towards Soweto, religious Nutters are claiming it's a sign that God hates Soccer especially Ronaldo!
written by unknown
Local Man, Bears, a Grudge
A Spoof Writer used some random words such as 'bears', 'Local', 'Man' and 'A Grudge' to form a Snippet Headline.
And this is the poxy result.
written by unknown
Local Cows Plan to take over the World
A local farmer has overhead the cows discussing a scheme to take over the town and then move on to build a moon base and destroy the Earth from orbit.
As soon as they've been milked, that is...
written by unknown
Worlds Coolest Boy Freezes to Death
Local boy Dave 'The Man' Parsnip froze to death while strutting down the street on his way to class.
Officials said he was too cool for school.
written by unknown
Your Ass is Mayan
A Local Man's pet donkey is distantly related to the Mayan civilisation.
And it has a big fat arse.
written by unknown
Local Gingerbread Man in Protective Custody
Local toddler group threatened to bite his head off and eat him.
The ring leader, Baby Percy, has been confined to his cot.
written by unknown
Obama Congratulates Cameron
Cameron asks him to make sure he gets a good shine on his shoes and can he have the Telegraph delivered every morning
written by Earl Grey, 12 May 2010
Icelandic Volcano is Secret Base of Evil Genius hell-bent on World Domination
Local Man Dr. Barry No has been living inside it since he moved out of Number 42, and is hatching some maniacal, dastardly plan.
written by unknown
Local Zombie Joins MENSA
..for the BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
written by unknown
Dick Cheney Calls George W to Get Facts Straight on BP Oil Rig
Claims he just wants to get all his ducks in a row. Reportedly told Bush, "if asked, we were not President and Vice-President between 2000-2008. It was all a dream. Remember Georgie, all a dream."
written by Charpa93, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #14
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Lathered Head"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #13
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Indiana Joan & The Treasured Chest"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Dick Cheney Asked if Oil Spill in Gulf is Serious
"yeah," replied Cheney, "about as serious as a heart attack, but I've had several and I've managed to pull through and so will the Gulf."
written by Charpa93, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #12
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Saggy Dong"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #11
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Abbot & Costello Meet The Wolf Man"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #10
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Believe It, The Beaver"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Dick Cheney Won't Admit He 'Rigged' Major Oil Company Regulations
"I never worked on a rig in my life," says Cheney.
written by Charpa93, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist Movies #9
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Godzilla's Pillows"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Dick Cheney Holds Secret Meetings with Oil Executives at White House
Tells President Obama to close the door to the Oval Office on the way out and promises it won't take but an hour or two.
written by Charpa93, 12 May 2010
David Cameron is officially crowned Britains WANKER Nr!
After 5 days of non-stop WANKING in the commons it has emerged that D.C. is now Britains Nr1 WANKER.
His best WANKING friend Nick Clegg, gave him the final TOSS after he claimed the Nr2 spot!
written by unknown
BBC's Nick Robinson In Kleenex Mountain Scandal
He continues to crack one off whilst blogging about David Cameron. Soon he will not be able to leave his house due to the growing Kleenex mountain
written by Earl Grey, 12 May 2010
Nudist's Top Movies #8
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Call Dee For 'Danglers'
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movies #7
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Really, Really Free Willy"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movies #6
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Ben & Jerry, Flopping In A Hurry"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nudist's Top Movies #5
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Bonnie & Clyde, Bouncing Down The Slide"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nudist's Movies #4
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Sorry..My Hard!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Top Nustist Movies #3
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "OH Brother, Wert Thou A Eunuch?"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nudist Top Movies #2
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "Bob & Ray, Bob & Play"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nudist Top Movies
The Motion Picture Association releases all-time hit movies at nation's nudist colonies, including "The Full Monty Python".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
"Not Our Sort Of Painting"
Rare nude sketch by Constable uncovered after being hidden away by prudish owners. "A small skirt had been stuck over the woman's behind", states new owner.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Yellow Line Fundraiser
Motorist returns to find yellow lines painted either side of her car - and a parking ticket as government finds more & more ways of raising cash.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Parents' Outrage
Parents' outrage as Catholic school children told 'dress as a Muslim for mosque trip - or you will be branded a truant' "Can we blow up anything?" asks one.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
"Thank You & Goodbye"
'Thank you and goodbye': With Sarah at his side, tearful Gordon goes with Grace, and leaves Sarah standing alone.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nashville Flooding #4
Many country singers volunteer to help clean up flooded Nashville. "I'm too old for this", stated Little Jimmy Dickens who waded water over his head. "I think I'll take an old cold tater and wait".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nashville Flood Problems #3
First on the scene after flood abated in Nashville say walls Farin Young once said "Hello" to have crumbled.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nashville Still Dealing With Flood #2
The floor Ernest Tubb 'walked over you' was three feet under water at one time.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nashville Still Dealing With Flood
Grandpa Jones locker floated to the surface during Nashville flooding last week.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nashville, Venice Of The South
City of Nashville sponsoring summer canoe tours this year.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
More Jewelry Recalls
APNewsBreak: More kids' jewelry recalls in works as some tongue rings have increased tongue size to that of a horse.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Satellite Cable Off Center
Drifting satellite threatens US cable programming as "Joe the Bartender in black & white" suddenly appears on "V".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Satellite Confusion
Drifting satellite threatens US cable programming as "Barney" temporarily showed up in Mets outfield last night.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Newton's Apple Aboard
Newton's apple tree bound for gravity-free orbit. Some warn of a possible "Time Warp".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Last Flight
Countdown begins for shuttle Atlantis' last flight. "Hope it's not a jinx", states crew.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
It Should Go Down To The Wire
Nixon's grandson tests pedigree in NY Horse race! I'm sorry, that should be House race.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
New Party Forming
Voters' anti-establishment mood bites both parties in the ass. The new Gumby Party making strides with slogan "We Don't Know & We Don't Care. Just Send Money. At Least We're Honest!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Fun To Watch Her Dodge Them
Senators to query Kagan, but don't expect answers as no one else seems to have any.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
US Of Amishland
Green groups hope Gulf spill galvanizes movement back to Amishland!
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #43
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "By The Thumbing Of My Prick".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #42
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Male Horse"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #41
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "Ordeal By Incense"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #40
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Blouse Trap"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #39
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Man In The Clown Suit"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
These Guys Are Smart!
Rush to drill oil deeper carries added risks, say experts!
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
If Everyone Dies, Why Fight"
Russia urges active US role in Mideast. Why not sell nuclear missiles like we do? It's worked for the two of us...only one small 'cold' war.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
New Approach Tried
Political patience was washing away for BP executives who can't stop a broken underwater well from spewing oil into the Gulf, where crews were trying the latest solution - "FREE OIL, COME & GET IT!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Cameron Takes The Reins
Conservative Cameron takes the reins in Britain b ut will most likely spend first year returning favors.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Faced Bumps
Idol' front-runner has faced bumps along the way. "They do excellent make-up here".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
But Not Slow At Sports
Police: Star athlete at Texas school really 22. He was in the 11th grade for five years.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Star Athlete Older
Police: Star athlete at Texas school really 22, has a wife and three kids.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
No Ziegfeld Follies, Just Obama's
Last Broadway Ziegfeld Follies Girl kicks off at 106!
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Aussie Physicist Corrects Dictionary
An Australian physicist has uncovered an error in dictionary definitions that has likely stood uncorrected for a century. It was a small one about something called "gravity".
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Nick Clegg and David Cameron Are Already Fighting!
War has already broken out at number 10 Downing Street as Nick Clegg and David Cameron are already squabbling over which bedroom they should have. Clegg wants the one with blue curtains.
written by IN SEINE, 12 May 2010
Guaranteed
Az. Gov. Brewer signed a bill targeting a school district's ethnic studies program, hours after a report by UN human rights experts condemned the measure. "Anything the UN objects to HAS to be right."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Buffett's Son
Warren Buffett's son preaches values as wealth. "One maid and a twice weekly will do fine until you get into a bigger mansion."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Buffett's Son Again
Warren Buffett's son preaches values as wealth. "Not everyone needs a Rolls Royce at first. Try a slightly used Jaguar."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
CamClegg anthem
Share my life, take me for what I am
'cause I've changed all my colours for you
written by Nae mair crap, 12 May 2010
When in Rome...
Greece says Italy should assume its debt. Greek prime minister and president say, "Then, we can call it even, since Romans already appropriated our gods, architecture, art, and system of government."
written by The San Francisco Onion, 12 May 2010
BP to Use Arizona to Sand Bag Coastline
CCN (Crazy Cal News - Houston - BP has announced plans to dig up all of Arizona to fill sand bags to safeguard U.S. Coast. "We're turning Teabaggers into sand baggers."
written by Cal Jennings, 12 May 2010
Heather McCartney training for next Summer Olympics
Heather McCartney is training for the next Summer Olympics. She is training for the 3-legged race with female friend Tasha Lebwinsky,known in the porn trade as 'Legs Eleven'(though she only has two).
written by unknown
Training In Yemen?
Yemen says it had no idea that a terrorist summit was going on there. "We thought we were outbid for that by Saudi Arabia!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #38
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "They Came To Ragheads"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #37
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "They Do It With Mirrors Overhead"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #36
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Moving Finger (Or "The Proctologist Mystery)
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #35
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "Miss Marple's Final Case Of Crabs"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #34
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "Lord Edgeware's Size Surprise!!"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #33
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Listerine Mystery"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #32
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "The Pound Of Meth"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Agatha Christie Update #31
Experts now claim that mystery writer, Dame Agatha Christie did not write "Hickoried, Dickeried To Death"
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Obama Urges Patience
Obama asks for patience in Afghanistan. "A socialist America wasn't built in a day."
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
Hog Whisperer
Professional Hog whisperer has pigs squealing and hogs snorting over human jokes.
written by Bureau, 12 May 2010
