Chelsea v Aston Villa - Final Score
We'll bring it to you as soon as we've counted all the goals.
written by Skoob1999, 27 March 2010
Late Snowstorm
Late freak March snowstorm surprises many living in Key West.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Still Greenish Brown
Six years after surprise police raid, neither police labs or scientists can identify thing found in back of college dorm refrigerator.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Ate Themselves Into Oblivion!
New study reveals obesity worse threat to the earth than global warming because weight throwing earth's rotation to slow.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Occam's razor - sort of
Scientists discover hallucinogenic substances in defunct Llanishen reservoir; said Chief Welsh Assembly scientist: "Explains it that does."
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Barking but 'not as we know it Jim'
Psychologist concludes that those who want 1.5 million tons of water above hundreds of houses and two schools are either delusional or barking, or delusional and barking.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Nominated For PETA Award!
State police have charged a central Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen giving mouth-to-mouth "resuscitation" to a long-dead opossum along a highway.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Late Again
Man showing up in Time Machine has no legs. "I almost missed it's leaving entirely."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Mideast News Encouraging
Middle East situation: Both sides say they are ready to destroy the whole world to do enemies in. That's 25% better news than last time.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
No One At The Dance
In Baghdad, proposed square dance party between Shias, Sunni doesn't come off.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #9
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Guaranteed jowls down to your shoulders!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #8
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Already Obese and cooking in even more grease!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #7
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "More chins than China telephone directory."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #6
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "We serve only pot-bellied pigs at our roasts!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #5
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "We're Raunchy and We're Paunchy!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decided To Advertise #4
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Fats Domino? He's mid-size here!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #3
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "Fat costs less but tastes the best!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise #2
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: Chubby Checker? The slimmest person here"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Orleans Decides To Advertise
New Orleans new Fat City ads include: "We're located right on the Blubbery Coast!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Shatner Loses Little Friend
William Shatner's hairpiece, a tribble named Lo-Kan, dyes during the night.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Craig In Stall
Former Senator Larry Craig discovered in Men's bathroom, pissing outside the toilet bowl (slow news day).
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Wasted Effort
Thieves annoyed as no one wants to buy a secret sex tape taken of Rosie O'Donnell & partner except as a gag gift.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
'You can Piranha if u want to'
Llanishen reservoir group furious at the person or persons unknown who put deadly fresh water piranha into the defunct reservoir.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Healthcare
Obama was quoted today, as saying, "I'm sick of healthcare,"
written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
Welsh scientits discover doughnut shaped mind enema
over Llanishen reservoir - makes people want to live below 1.5 million tons of water that even das Welsh Water Board doesn't want.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Smart phones won't work on principle
near Llanishen reservoir in the Welsh capital
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Even sex-starved prisoners find she's a turn-off
Prison governor denies threatening inmates with '24 hours with Peaches Geldorf'.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
DEA wants to hire "Peaches"
'She looks so bad - will put young Americans off drugs for life.' Peaches management denies rumours that she will be targetted by drug barons if she takes up DEA offer.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
World's worst dressed man complains
about Peaches NGee (nudy-Geldorf) - just horrible, "Even when the middle of her face is covered in white powder".
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Peaches Geldorf - lacking on various fronts
Poll: 'Lacks everything including style'.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Peaches Geldorf - 'lacks icing'
Scan confirms a brain the size of a peach and consistency of spotted dick pudding, the IQ of a chair leg, and the frothiness of Dutch lager.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
"Let Me Start By Saying...."
Spoof forum writer gives ten page answer to someone asking about the Fifth Dimension when all they wanted to know is who sang, "The Age Of Aquarius"?
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
"Imagine a world without" idiots ... "Not hard to do if we try"
That would be a world devoid of Welsh Labour ministers like Lesley Griffiths who doesn't have a clue about improving Welsh biotech exports.
written by Tcoah, 27 March 2010
Bush Book Coming Out!
Former President George W. Bush says that he is ready to release a book of his White house Menwars.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Whistle Blower Blows Whistle
Referee whistle blower claims that some football games are fixed to stay close.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
The Obese Police #5
The new singing group, The Obese police has a song in the top 100 for the first time: "It Was A Very Goodyear (For Blimps)"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
The Obese Police #4
The new singing group, The Obese police has a song in the top 100 for the first time: "You've Lost That Bovine Feeling"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
The Obese Police #3
The new singing group, The Obese police has a song in the top 100 for the first time: "Lovely Cass, WalMart Ass"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
The Obese Police #2
The new singing group, The Obese police has a song in the top 100 for the first time: "Chunky's In Love"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
The Obese Police
The new singing group, The Obese police has a song in the top 100 for the first time: My Nelly's Little Beer Belly.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
For Their Own Sake!
Kentucky Fried Chicks decides to offer healthier meals so that regular customers won't keep dropping like flies with heart attacks.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Bad Timing On His Part
Guy who suddenly appeared in Buzzard Puke, Arkansas in strange machine and announced that he was a time traveler, shot to death. Devil machine blown up by dynamite!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
That's Inflation For You
ten 50,000-Year-Old beads made from shells found in South African cave now worth an estimated 10,000 beads, enough to purchase 400 Manhattan Islands today.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Batman
I went to our local video shop and I asked, "Can I borrow Batman Forever?"
He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow."
written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
It's the Best
I bumped into an old friend the other day who told me he had just gotten the newest, state of the art, hearing aid on the market.
I said, "What kind is it."
He looked at his watch and said, "9:30."
written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
Dance Studio
I phoned the local dance studio and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make it Tuesdays or Thursdays."
written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
A cowboy one...
A cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"
written by Spicewood, 27 March 2010
Now We'll Never Know
Local chicken decides to finally tell people why they cross the road but is struck and killed by runaway Toyota while trying to cross country road.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
History Channel Receives Award
The History Channel Presents its Lifetime Achievement Award for Adolf Hitler character being on their network in more shows than 'Matt Dillon' and 'Frazier' combined.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Voodoo Economics?
The US dollar is even lower against the euro. Obama passes bill with republican & democrat support to but more magical masonic symbols on money.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
I Cried Because....
Bare-footed man says no one ever allows him to explain that he is not crying because he has no shoes but that he keeps stepping in dog shit. Curses dog owners in the area!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Officers Get Instructions
Police force blasted for 22-page guide telling officers 'how to use punctuation and send emails, how to hold in fart while in people's private homes.'
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Obama Hails Nuclear Cuts
U.S. and Russia will slash nuclear arsenals after agreeing first major arms treaty since end of Cold War. Russia: We've already sent ours to Iran.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Big Winner
Have you won £39.7m? Hunt is on for the British winner of EuroMillions jackpot? Skoob, is that you, old buddy, old pal?
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Too Much On My Mind, I Guess
Brown promises yob crackdown and a million skilled jobs as he unveils five key election pledges he had apparently forgotten after last election.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Woman Nailed!
Woman who lied on CV that she had A-Levels to get NHS job is nailed. I'm sorry. That should be 'jailed'.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Bars Keep Out Politicians, Sales People
Man gets 15 years for prison break-in. Asks jury to reconsider and give him life.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Meter Security
AP Exclusive: 'Smart' meters, meter readers have security holes.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Unbiased Reporting, Unlike FOX!
Sarah Palin lends her star power to McCain in Senate bid and we at Yahoo think that stinks.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Brown's Wife in Door Drama
Prime Minister's wife Sarah Brown got stuck in a doorway at a supermarket opening this morning after she forgot to turn sideways when leaving the shop.
written by parveen liddy, 27 March 2010
Yahoo: Republicans The Pits
"Romney attacks health care law similar to his own" as Yahoo Pro-Obama propaganda continues.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Brown's Flaps Removed
Gordon Brown underwent emergency surgery to remove his jowels this morning after they almost suffocated him in the night.
written by parveen liddy, 27 March 2010
Will Reduce To Only Ten Times Enough To Destroy The World
Former Cold War foes US, Russia to slash nukes as many are out-dated already.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Labour Dumps 'Things Can Only Get Better'
The Labour Party has chosen 'Where Will It End' by Joy Division as its campaign song in the forthcoming UK elections.
written by parveen liddy, 27 March 2010
Taxi Driver Accused
Chicago taxi driver accused of supporting al-Qaida. Admits that he hoped they would overthrow Taliban for control as he had $10 on them.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Russia Attacks Iran With Wet Noodle!
Medvedev: Iran sanctions may be needed. Russia may cut off oil to punish the rascals.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
It's All There For Free!
From rotting garbage to alcoholics shitting their pants to sweet-roasting peanuts at sidewalk stands, New Yorkers are constantly bombarded with the aromas of urban life.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Like Christmas For Crooks
Landmarks go dark, millions unplug for Earth Hour. Burglars, thieves make quite a haul.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Clues Emerging
Clues emerge about WWII plane crashed in Oregon. For instance, the co-pilot was an alien.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
You WILL Pay!
Student loans should be simpler under new law. Also the repayment after Obama turns that part over to Chicago friends.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #34
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: Ted Williams's head clearly heard calling for some chatter in the infield!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #33
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: Half of Hollywood's women now have different sized boobs.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #32
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: "Let's get this meeting over. Smells like somebody frying baloney in here! Hey, it's my balls! Everybody stand up, quick!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #31
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: Joan Rivers now looks more like a lake.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #30
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: Cher starting to look like the Wicked Witch after the water was thrown on her.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #29
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: "Those fries are free if you want some. They cooked themselves when the sun came through the window."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Global Warming #28
Global Warming expert Al Gore point out new evidence of global warming: Guy thrown from cycle to pavement totally cooked by the time ambulance arrives.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Getting Voters Informed
Remember to register to vote this November as many from the Tea Party and the Beer Conference Party line up their candidates.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Reid Looks Confused At Tea Party
Showdown in Searchlight: tea party targets Reid. Hatter delivers direct attack. Dormouse looks hungry.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Ian Huntley Wants Paedophile Priests Jailed
Says he could use the company.
written by Skoob1999, 27 March 2010
Old Letter Discovered!
Old yellowed letter discovered from Moe Howard's mother saying, "Sure it's all fun and games until somebody gets an eye poked out!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
In Last 5 Years
President Obama celebrates 10,000th utterance of "America's health care system is in shambles!"
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #9
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Our beds not only vibrate, they moan, groan and sigh!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #8
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Now THREE spittoons in every room!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #7
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: We'll leave the light OFF for you and your car license plate.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #6
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Turn in your bed bugs for prizes displayed in the lounge.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #5
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Be sure to enjoy our FREE CONTINENTAL congress painting!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #4
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Now 50% cleaner than you'd think!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #3
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: "There may be snow on the Red Roof...."
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign #2
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Please ignore holes in the sheets!
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
New Motel Sign
New sign at the just refurbished "No Tell Motel" in Happy Valley, Arkansas: Rooms For Rent: $35 per night, $10 Per hour.
written by Bureau, 27 March 2010
Republicans and Democrats Agree on a Standardized Short Form
"The proposed government program (Name of Program) provides (Services Performed) and costs (Dollar Value) is absolutely (Predicted Outcome)!" Political position on an issue, just fill in the blanks.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Health Care Savings during the Recess
Constipated Congressional Democrats who voted yes on health care reform are going home to take laxatives. It's probably unnecessary, as their constituents will be giving them the "shits!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Tea Bags Beat Coffee
A west coast Democratic far left liberal loon was caught trying to shove a box of tea bags up his arse! Police say he needed a lemon lift, but an Espresso coffee can was stuck in the orifice.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
House Speaker Pelosi takes up Opera Singing!
Me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Me…………………………!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Democrats Have an Identity Crisis
Following the passage of the health care reform bill Democrats have developed a name recognition problem. They all seem to have the same middle name of "Not Reelectable!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Anonymous White House Source
An anonymous White House source said "the minority party of Republicans is smarter than the ignorant majority party of left wing Democrats and should be ruling the country!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Hollywood Movie is about President Obama
The film "Barak Obama Super Star" will hit the big screen this month. Using special effects, the Democratic liberal left film makers have President Obama parting the Red Sea and walking on water!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
EPA Declares Bullshit a Harmful Gas
The EPA can now regulate Bullshit in accordance with the Clean Air Act of 1970. "Environmental groups are the chief cause of spewing this harmful substance into the air," says the EPA.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Congressman Stupak is a Man of Principal
Congressman Stupak of Michigan has sacrificed his principles on abortion to House Speaker Pelosi and President Obama for principal FAA grants/funds!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
A Shocking Piece of Legislation
Democrats indicate there is no need for an energy bill! The recently passed Democratic far left liberal health care bill will also put power back into the electric lines.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 27 March 2010
Join the club
French-Irish golfer Jean Luc O'Zade tried to pull a fast one today when he kicked his golf-ball into Hole 18. He claimed the move acceptable, since he used his clubbed foot.
written by Nate John Won, 27 March 2010
