Bounty?
President Obama really angry with BP. "The next thing you know they will be out there with huge loads of toilet paper. I don't think they give a shit."
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Old Farts Ripping Us Off!
After people settle down in one place and get older, the more likely they are to become criminals, says new 15-year study of US congress.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
"I Shit You Not!"
Sports fan in neighborhood says that between basketball, hockey playoffs, he saw a game where a guy with a ball to pitch stands around looking & guy with a bat, gets in & out of 'box' for ten minutes.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Maybe More Like 75%
New study shows that over 50% of Americans have mental health problems but what do those rabbits know?
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Mohammed The Comedy Imam, whop told jokes while slaughtering a goat.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Tim Appolonius and Colin the Tumbling Cod, who rolled and tumbled in his tank of seawater to the theme music from Dr Chivago.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
The Busy Bees from Rotherham: five generations of the Bee family, who all dressed as vintage comedian Arthur Askey and sang his signature comedy song The Bee Song.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Keith Duckspoon and his son Ronan, who failed to talk about sex properly, leaving them and the audience frustrated and hollow inside.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Kevin Lebensraum and his son, Bijou, who performed stunts and tricks on their Bijou Tandem.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Cyndi Plank, 35, from Stroud, "The Modern Mum", who tended her 6 children, cooked an omelette, wrote a novel, bought a new flat, found out how to claim more money from her ex-husband and buried her mother - while playing "Visse d'arte on a mandolin.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
The 50-strong Broadwoodwidger Lynch Mob from Broadwoodwidger, Devon, who performed Kurt Weil's Alabama Song on comb and paper in Ku Klux Klan costume.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Hattie Upanishads, 12, of Otley, who sang "Michael Row The Boat Ashore", accompanied by her pet sheep Ninian, "the humming bluefaced Leicester ram".
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
More BGT Rejects
Harold Plinth, 42, a postman and part-time obelisk, who ate toad-in-the-hole on a unicyle.
written by Erskin Quint, 01 June 2010
Dick Says He Was Preoccupied With Heart Attack
Lynne Cheney apparently shot in the face by burglar during the night. Says she's OK but looks like a cow farted in her face.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Dick Says He Was Awakened By Blast
Lynne Cheney apparently shot in the face by burglar during the night. Says she's OK but looks like a cow farted in her face.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Arkansas Barbie
New "Arkansas Barbie" to have her own partner, the "Kin Doll".
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
New Ken Doll
New Ken doll, "Big Ken" back with Barbie, sporting new equipment.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Mickey D's Agrees
Mickey D's agrees to lower fat and calorie content of all it's products. Tell customers to expect slightly smaller sizes.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
BP Stock Prices Hit Bottom
BP Stock Prices continue to fall, while Oil continues to rise uncontrollably
written by Charpa93, 01 June 2010
Al and Tipper Gore are Separating
Bill Clinton said to be in shock. "If anyone should be separating, it should be me an Hill."
written by Charpa93, 01 June 2010
Al and Tipper Gore are Separating
But they are believed to still be living together in what Al likes to refer to as a "communal living" type of lifestyle.
written by Charpa93, 01 June 2010
Al and Tipper Gore are Separating
Although no reason has yet been given, word has it that Tipper absolutely refused to help turn the compost heap, which led to the couple's continued arguing.
written by Charpa93, 01 June 2010
Another Day In DC
Rumor out today that a prominent congressman may be arrested after blackmailer finds cocaine powder on his payoff money he then gave hooker that was handed over to FBI by pimp turned out to be anthrax
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Trade Deficit Up Again
United States trade deficit hits an all-time high. Wait for it...US trade deficit hits another all-time high!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Consumer Can't Win!
WalMart once again slashes prices. Rivals slash WalMart customer's tires.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Full Coverage Begins Tonight
The Comedy Channel to begin carrying live speeches by BP spokesperson, US President on oil leak.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Best To Be Prepared
Washington DC policemen going through drills in traffic control in anticipation of huge traffic jams of politicians leaving office in November.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
No Surprise Here
According to the latest poll, the minority candidates are still trailing the majority candidates going into the fall elections.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Bank-Robbing cage-fighter is banged up in a Moroccan prison!
Lee Murray, bank robber and cage-fighter has been banged up in a Moroccan slammer with inmates who are partial to a bit of bum. "Lee, now the real cage-fighting can begin!"
written by unknown
Tipper's comments on marriage to Al Gore censored and labeled unfit for children's ears
Al Gore claims: "after forty years, the 'global warming' tends to a get a bit much - especially when she started getting headaches every single Friday night."
written by Tragic Rabbit, 01 June 2010
Too Unstable To Dismantle
President Obama stated today that he plans to have 25% of America's nuclear weapons blown up this fall, according to agreement with Russia. Watch for "Geraldo's Big Blow-Out" on FOX!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Al Gore removes 40 Year-old Ball And Chain.
Al and Tipper Gore say they have made mutual decision to separate. The media was tipped off when Al Gore lost 30lb., shaved his beard off, and started wearing his Nobel Prize around his penis.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 June 2010
Larry King's Son In Bad Shape
Larry King's son, Peter, found nearly dead at 110. "He overdoes the Viagra", says Larry.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Angels' 1B Morales breaks leg while celebrating game winning grand slam.
It is only a walk-off grand slam if you can actually WALK OFF.
written by anthonyrosania, 01 June 2010
Yay, A Grand Slam. Yay, My Team Is Here To Congratulate Me! Catch Me, Guys!! Ow, My Leg Is Broken
Los Angeles Angels first baseman Kendry Morales Morales broke his leg hile celebrating his game winning grand slam.
It is only a walk-off grand slam if you can actually WALK OFF!
written by anthonyrosania, 01 June 2010
Brown singing for Britain
Gordon Brown, the former UK Prime Minister, says he wants to become Britain's representative at next year's Eurovision Song Contest. Brown says he will sing "Mull of 10 Downing Street" if given a go.
written by whatinthe world, 01 June 2010
Obama Not Worried
President Obama says he's not worried about nuclear weapons in Iran. "They purchased material from Nigeria."
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Five Addictions For One!
Are you addicted to oil, caffeine, sugar, trans fats and painkillers? Kick the habit! Try cocaine.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Gore Kills Phil
Pawksatawny Phil accidentally ran over by Al Gore. Claims the huge groundhog waddled out in front of him, causing him to lose control & run over Phil's home inside fence.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Pulitizer Also Forthcoming
Oprah Winfrey Book Club picks next book by Barack Obama as Book of the Month, just as soon as he can begin writing it.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Don't Want To Change Horseheads In The Middle Of The Stream
Scheduling conflict over wars, oil leaks may delay 2014 Presidential race until 2016!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
A Mixed Blessing
Study: Drinking alcohol can reduce chances of becoming diabetic, older.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Disnay Arrests
Two at Disney arrested for Insider trading. Older dwarf brother's Felony and Robbery ignored by other seven.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
The Reason Kristen Stewart Has Excellent Hearing
Zac Efron appeared on Live With Larry King and told him that Kristen Stewart can lick her own ears.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 June 2010
Four Famous Women Have Been Banned From The Food Network
Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, Gabourey Sidibe, and Kelly Clarkson have all been banned from The Food Network for the obvious reason.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 June 2010
Happy Birthday To The World
The world is 4.6 billion years old - or 31.2 billion in dog years.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 June 2010
The Oldest Boy Toy In America
Antonio Banderas, who is married to the much older Melanie Griffith, says that the Hasbro Toy Company has just named him recipient of its 2010 Boy Toy of The Year Award.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 June 2010
How Many "15 Minutes" Does Tatiana Del Toro Get?
Tatiana Del Toro was asked what she plans on doing after appearing on the American Idol Finale Show and she replied, "I will go back to making fries at McDonald's until I get discovered again."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 01 June 2010
It's Those Big Red Ones!"
Crumbs! Recycling police reject bin over a bit of bread. Owner claims ants carried it in there.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Britain's Oldest Father
Britain's oldest father of twins does it again... couple reveals baby number 13 is on the way. 72-year-old wife tells reporters, "Sure, urge him on!"
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
BP Dropping Fast
'It has the smell of death': Experts warn BP could fall after shares tumble another 16%. May ask government to float them a loan.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Much Too Hard
David Laws tells lady reporter: 'I should have admitted I was gay but it was too hard.' So maybe I'm bi-sexual.'
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
She Has No Shame
Al-Jazeera anchorwomen quit in newsroom row over 'clothes and decency' after showing face during terrific sneeze.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Took Short Cut
'Fastest OAP' took ten-mile short cut in the London marathon. "Came in the front door and right through to the back", say four business owners.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Back In Britain
17-year-old girl who ran away in 2007 to marry a cafe owner in Egypt is back and wants a divorce, custody of three kids and her own room back.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Thai Tourism Hurt
Thai tourism seeking recovery from protest turmoil. "We still have a lot of women for hire!"
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Pakistan Lifts Facebook Ban #2
Pakistan lifts Facebook ban after page removed that showed other body parts than the face.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Pakistan Lifts Facebook Ban
Pakistan lifts Facebook ban after page removed that contained ads by Victoria's Secret. Thousands cancel.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Obama Critical Of Scientists
Scientists warn of unseen deepwater oil disaster. "A little late there, aren't you guys?', quips President Obama.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
How About The Nut House People?
At NYC sci fest, asking 'What if we're holograms?', being laughed at by those in the holodeck. However, those in the Phantom Zone give it a serious consideration.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Shark Fins Outlawed
No more eating shark fin in Hawaii after new law as restaurants switch to shark tail.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
India Feels Left Out
US tries to show India it cares, outsources 100,000 more jobs.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
BP Won't Give Predictions
BP won't guess prospects of plugging oil leak. However, Las Vegas giving 20-1 odds against any during the next 2 months.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Julian Lennon Hired
Americans may give health care law a chance. Julian Lennon hired by Obama to do song "Give Health Care Law A Chance".
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Bunch Of Outlaws?
Ship raided by Israeli soldiers condemned by Somali pirates!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Aircraft Mishap
Marine aircraft mishap injures 10 at NYC park. Turkish Prime Minister calls it a "massacre".
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Name Change Could Help
Afghans to discuss peace at national conclave of Peacelords!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Activists Sending New Boat
Activists send new boat to challenge Gaza blockade. Israel mines harbor. Egypt says their walls between PLO will stay.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Morld Markets Fall
World markets fall amid China, Europe jitters, the heebie jeebies in the southern US along the coast.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Pakistani Fudge A Hit
Fudge from Pakistan a Major Hit at Middle Eastern Fudge Packing Convention.
written by Mike Monpas, 01 June 2010
Fergy Had Been Drinking
Sarah Ferguson tells Winfrey she had been drinking before recent "sting". "Otherwise I would have been asking for much more."
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Concert Goes Awry
1 dead, 7 hospitalized after California concert to raise funds for the dead and hospitalized during the recent floods.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Brown Situation
Handling of rape claim at Brown raises questions like, "What can Brown do for you?"
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
AIG Being Stubborn
AIG won't accept lower Prudential offer for AIA as Farmer's EIEIO keeps a close watch on the situation.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
More Plagues On The Way
West Poised for Worst Grasshopper Outbreak in 30 Years. "Right now is when we needed Dennis Hopper to mediate, the most", sighs President.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Israeli Isolation
Analysis: High-seas raid deepens Israeli isolation. Where before the raid, everyone loved good ole Israel.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Many Uncounted
Venusian child becomes symbol of US undocumented aliens!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Latest Update
Al-Qaida: No. 3 official killed. Be sure to put that on your scorecard. That's #3.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Brown fails to justify his existence
Former UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has been spotted climbing Mt Vesuvius in southern Italy. Whe asked why, Brown replied "I dunno", which leads one to ask why he lead a country of 50 million.
written by whatinthe world, 01 June 2010
Sarah Ferguson Blames Disney for Downfall
"Yea," said Fergie, "I bought the whole Princess thing hook, line and sinker and look where it got me. Cinderella my arse!"
written by Charpa93, 01 June 2010
Study Of Teenagers
New study shows that over 90% of teenagers have participated in Vocal Sex!
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Grecian Frogs
Mass exodus of frogs in Greece unrelated to death of Dennis Hopper, say experts.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
New And Improved
New British Petroleum ad claims that "Gulf Coast Brown Pelicans are now even more brown!" thanks to it's efforts.
written by Adam Click, 01 June 2010
Another Airline Bites The Dust
United States economy further worsens with the folding of Evel Knievel Airlines.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
New Bush Book
George W. Bush's new book of fiction, "The Library Whisperer" almost competed.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Marvel Cancels Comic #12
Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Groin Goblin" series after the one issue.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Marvel Cancels Comic #11
Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Red-Headed Stepchild" series after the one issue.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Marvels Cancels Comic #10
Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Tobacco Worm" series after the one issue.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Marvel Cancels Comics #9
Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Silver Streaker" series after the one issue.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
Marvel Cancels Comic #8
Marvel Comics, having been bought out by Disney, has decided to end it's superhero comic "The Gander" series after the one issue.
written by Bureau, 01 June 2010
