Is Geithner an "Inside Plant" for Goldman Sachs?
Hint: He Got a "high five" from Traitor Paulson upon arrival.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
US Fighter Jets Scramble to Pasenger Jet Rucus 2nd Time in Two Days
Only a matter of time until they shoot one down just for the thrill of it!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
O'Bama Unveils $ 3 B for "Green Jobs"
$2.8 B of which will go for changing light bulbs in all government buildings.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
A Motto for All!
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy!
written by Jeanlovesyoulongtime, 08 January 2010
Screwed As Usual
President says richest Americans should pay 50% taxes but we know that they'll hide it so everyone pays 25% that earn over $25,000.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Need For Shared Info!
Top Pentagon commander meets troops in Afghanistan. "You guys over here? Thought you were headed back to Baghdad. Yemen? Washington tells me nothing. Somebody place a call to President Clinton."
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Here's Your Prescription
NY doctors ordered to translate drug instructions into Spanish, French, Russian, Chinese and English. Doctors say they have been doing that for years, don't anyone ever read these?
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Slow News Day for the Daily Telegraph
The Daily Telegraph online reports its most viewed story is "Man's Pen Is removed from Pipe" in the meantime, he had to use a pencil to work it out.
written by IN SEINE, 08 January 2010
Copied Story Word For Word
It was announced this morning that the Xerox Company is being sued for plagiarism.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Battle For New Viewers!
Katie Couric and Diane to duke it out live on ABC/CBS special. "Couric warned to watch out for Diane's "Kentucky mule kick".
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Obama Getting Full Cooperation
US FBI headquarters claims they tried to share documents with CIA but CIA says they did not. Did So! Did NOT! Pot full of snot! You ate it and I did not!
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Yucca Yuk Yuk
Former President Bush claims all his White House records have been stored at Yucca Mountain, for their safety.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Bookies Refuse To Pay
Designer 'wins' £7million betting on white Christmas... but bookies REFUSE to pay out. Claim assets are frozen.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Pakistan Player, Officials Fined
Pakistan hockey player and two team officials fined for hugging a woman and drinking beer, playing in hockey.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Teacher Shows Roomful Of Confiscated Weaponry
Boy, 4, becomes youngest pupil to be expelled as teachers could not cope with 'challenging behavior' of bringing loaded weapons to school, eating live mice.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Aussies break diplomatic ties with India because of a racist cartoon!
An Indian tabloid printed a cartoon depicting Aussie cops as KKK racists. Australia have decided to break diplomatic ties, but think the unform is "quite nice," Aussie cops are now wearing KKK hoodies
written by unknown
Accusers, Simon & Garfunkle
MP Iris Robinson, 60, had affair with 19-year-old toyboy. "Where have you gone, Mrs. Robinson?........"
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
"Read It In Classic Mystery Once"
Two arrested after police follow footprints from break-in... right to suspects' front door. Suspects claims real burglars walked backwards from his house to throw blame on them.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Pilots Persevere
Most passengers forced to leave luggage behind at Heathrow as ice prevents planes from being unloaded, while those boarding can't get their luggage loaded. However, pilot unloads, gets loaded.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Israel: Mind Reading Systems Will Change Air Security
The systems, designed to detect even the slightest darting of eyes, increased heartbeat, or even a nervous twitch quickly identify all those to be re-routed to GITMO.
It's a Wonderful Life!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Pure Rubbish
Families face THIRD WEEK with no rubbish collection as deep freeze brings Britain to a halt. "No morgue vehicles either", states one. "And grandpa frozen solid out back."
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Better Watch Those 13-Year-Olds
Ex-soldier, 41, who had sex with 13-year-old girl spared jail as woman judge says teenager 'did most of the running'. 'Same here!' says Roman Polanski!
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Harman Avoids Ban
Fury as Harriet Harman avoids drive ban after crashing car while talking on mobile phone. "I deserve at least one mulligan", she stated.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Giuliani: O'Bomba Has "turned the Corner" on Terrorism
Meaning O'Bomba now has a war machine stock portfolio like all other elected politicians that depend on a perpetual war for high returns.
Latest Report: O'Bomba "sees" Al-Quaida - China Connection
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
US Troops Find Huge Stash of Opium, Cocaine Near Kabul
The astonished troops, immediately began smiling and signing "W'ere Gonna Get High, High, High...........
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
US Jobs Report Shows Skills Mismatch Amongst Unemployed
The Report says over 20,000,000 workers recently laid off, have skill sets that "produce nothing" and with only demands from the world that the US "produce something", they are shit out of luck!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
US Economy Loses Another 100,000 Jobs
No Problem. The O'Bomba plan calls for another 100,000 TSA Security Agents to be hired to conduct triple redundancy pat down checks on all airline passengers, including underwear checks.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Joseph Lieberman's Ratings Tanking in Connecticut
Following a National Trend going on for over Twenty Years.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Why Dems Are Jumping Ship:
With a Super Majority and Nothin' But Failures, Wouldn't You?
Thanks, O'Bomba
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
How Many Federal Air Marshalls can u fit on an Airbus?
approximately (n-x), where n equals the number of seats on the airbus, and x is the number of terrorists already seated.
written by Tcoah, 08 January 2010
Spain beg for Che Guevara and Pancho Villa to start a revolution!
Flat broke Spain begged Pancho and Che for a "Viva La Revolucion" hoping Spanish youths will join them to murder the royals, democrats, burn the place to the ground and create some new jobs!
written by unknown
FDA Approvals
FDA drug approvals mostly fat in 2009. I'm sorry, FDA drug approvals mostly flat in 2009.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Mixing Two Handerchiefs Pretty Rough
Better antiseptic, covering mouth when you sneeze, ass when you fart, curbs post-surgery infections.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Cold Snap Bites Global Warmers
Experts: Cold snap doesn't disprove global warming. But it doesn't help a whole lot either.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Earth-Like Planets ?
Astronomers: We could find Earth-like planets soon. Could only take us five generations aboard ship to get there.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Gate's Fault
Gates, holdover from Bush team, to stay at Defense as Dems need someone to point to during next terrorist event.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Snow Business
Snow pushes east after flouncing jaunt through Midwest and sashaying through the Southwest.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
It's a Race - against al-Qaeda and its Affiliates
"Spoon-egg Race", said the President.
written by Tcoah, 08 January 2010
Hot To Pot
Drug benefit expanded to 1 million more marijuana smokers. May need to grow more, says Bluegrass state's Senator Bunning.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Air Security Up!
Obama orders up more air security. Arranges for blimps with radar, telescopes over all major cities.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Car Shot At
Web site: Iranian opposition leader car shot at. "What could Ahmadinejad possibly have against my car?", asks cleric.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Economy Loses More Jobs
Economy loses 85K jobs, unemployment rate holding steady but gets the weak trembles from time to time.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
I Think They May Be Right
Study: Dollar, price of gas linked! Experts say that every time gas goes up, it costs you more dollars.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Perelman Suit Settled
NY judge: Perelman must pay ex-wife $3.4M to keep her from barking. I'm sorry, that should be 'Perelman must pay ex-wife Barkin $3.4M.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Leno Back To Late Night
Source: NBC weighing Leno return to late-night. May even get off shit list.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Gay Goys Uncertain
Portugal Parliament votes to permit gay marriage. Jewish leader gives OK to goy marriages.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Mountain Top Removal
Scientists call for end to mountaintop removal. "How will climbers ever get to the top?"
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
SWAT Officer Charges
Minneapolis SWAT (Steal Without Any Trouble) officer charged with bank robbery.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Mind Readers At Airports
Mind-reading systems that could change air security to be headed up Lwaxana Troi.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
240-Yr-Old Elm Tree To Be Chopped Down
240-year-old Maine elm tree to be chopped down. Has Dutch Elms Disease, too full of sitters over the years.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Florida Feels Big Chill
Florida's Big Chill: Iguanas drop, manatees huddle, nudists running between buildings, Hillary sun-bathing.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Justice Gone Wacko
Swiss court fines speeding millionaire $290,000 based on his having $20 million. Meanwhile everyone that's broke were passing him on both sides.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Back To The Secrets
Obama orders up more air security, intelligence sharing. "If we share with the Taliban, there's no telling what they might share with us."
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Headed Into 2010 Elections
Drug benefit expanded to 1 million more seniors. "That's i million more voters", stated Nancy Pelosi.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
CNN Opinion: London Breeding Islamic Terrorists
Clinton: Send Unmanned Drones Over London to Take Out Islamic Centers Now.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Elvis would have been 75 years old today.
written by Gail Farrelly, 08 January 2010
Tavern on the Green Restaurant in NY's Central Park . . .
. . . is not so green after all. Goes bankrupt and closes its doors after 75 years in business.
written by Gail Farrelly, 08 January 2010
Kirstie Alley Nearly Killed Exiting Sinking Cruise Ship
The "Oprah 300" was taking on water and passengers were being debarked when 350 lb. Kirstie fell into the ocean. A Japanese Whaling vessel mistook her for a whale and fired a harpoon, just missing.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Desperate Cher Cries: My Face is Falling Apart and I Look like a Corpse!
Roadway Industries, an asphalt paving company has offered to do a surface work over for the one time showgirl.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Gates To Stay On One More Year at Pentagon
But Says Only if O'Bama hides Nobel Peace Prize as the sight of it gives him rabies.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Astronomers: We Could Find Planets Just Like Earth Soon
Let's Hope Not.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Double Agent Deaths Now Common In Afghanistan
Now referred to as the "Daily Double".
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
US Defense Contractor Suspended Over Kickbacks
Contractor claims they were "just doing what every other contractor is required to do by well placed US Representatives".
Federal Investigator says "prove it" then retracts his suggestion.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Will Time Travel Be Possible Some Day?
Absolutely. We will just hop right on to the O'Bama Peace Train and "zoom" right into another dimension.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
AIG Bailout Secrecy Could Mean Geithner Testifies on Hill
Where young Timothy will promptly remind the Congressional Representatives that they are "owned" and are "way beyond their authority, as provided by the Jekyll Island Agreement of 1913".
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Jay Leno's Future on NBC Up in the Air
Not as high up as his salary, which is in the Stratosphere.
What Goes Up, Must Come Down?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
O'Bama Orders Changes to Fight Terror
From now on, TSA Executives will have to report to work at least one day other than pay day each month.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Feds Seeking More Air Marshalls
Plaxico Burris, Gilbert Arenas Submit Applications claiming fly time with weapons while surrounded by dangerous felons.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Man Charged with Posing As Secret Service Agent
Secret Service Agents charged with pretending to provide White House Security.
All to serve sentences of having to watch all 47 Amy Winehouse concerts without eye protection.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Report on Falied Underwear Bomber Attack Released
Dick Cheney flipped the Rufus a three dollar bill to put some moth balls in his britches and light 'em up, while Cheertoff flipped a TSA security agent another $3 to look the other way.
Slam & Dunk
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
O'Bama: The Buck Stops With Me
Geithner: You have exceeded your credit limit, so you have no more buck.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 January 2010
Got Right On It!
In response to President Obama's message for the CIA, FBI, etc to share information, the CIA received all J. Edgar Hoover's information through 1959.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
Have Some Respect
North Korea hat they will not have their leader mistaken for a cartoon, though he does love cartoons.
written by Bureau, 08 January 2010
