Democrats Rejoice in New Strategy!
All will switch party to GOP, "unifying" America under one royal shithouse.
Rush Limbaugh to be King. Nancy Pelosi, Queen
Barack O'Bomba, Court Jester
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Pelosi Considers Party Change to GOP: Says O'Bomba Doomed
As the Rats Bail Ship, none faster than the pelosus varmiticus
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Scott Brown Get Carried Away in Victory Speech
The GOP Rookie, was in rarefied air when he acknowledged a desire to be President and suggested he'd be ready to run in 2010.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Senate GOP and Insurance Industry Offer New Compromise
New Health Care Insurance policies will be available to all residents. Premiums will be capped at $ 1K per month, and will pay 20% of care costs unless claims are filed.
Then you can hire a lawyer.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
The O'Bomba Rout is On!
Reports of a Mussolini style wagon train forming up outside the White House are coming in; Loyalists are loading up as much gold as can be carted off while Michele O'Bomba loads Government Cheese.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Dies On Operating Table
Man whose heart was accidentally cut out during operation was apparently highly allergic to scalpel and sneezed himself to death.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Weight Watches Collapse Floor
In Sweden, a group attending a Weight Watchers meeting were lined up for a weigh-in when the floor collapsed. The company defended itself by saying that it was "First Night Shakes".
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Men Evolving Faster
According to a new study by researchers at MIT, men are evolving faster than women. They estimate men will reach their level by 2075.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba Concedes on Healthcare
Insurance Companies to Continue Ruling the Roost.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Another Miss
NASA says that a mystery object passed by Earth earlier this week. They're not sure what it was, but it missed the Earth by 80,000 miles so they think it was a North Korean rocket.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
A Few Here, A Few There
Barack Obama continues to reduce number of U.S. troops in Iraq and sending them to Afghanistan, Yemen, Haiti, France.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Not A Good Sign
Those really needing jobs badly urged to learn Hindi, Chinese language.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Didn't See That Before
Not only did President lose a democrat supporter in Minnesota last night, but today the AARP withdrew support of health plan after putting on glasses & reading small print on page 1197.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Big Blue Gone
Big Blue Chess Computer hooked on vodka smell after losing to Russian, goes into Betty Ford Clinic!
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Get Out, Punk
Judge in Cleveland, Ohio murder case has person whose cell phone suddenly blast out "Hang 'Em High" escorted from court.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Obama Lectures Minnesota
President Obama makes surprise visit to Minnesota. "I am deeply disappointed with you. No Work Programs For You!"
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Michele O'Bomba Waxwork Revealed in London
The exact replica was seen being wheeled into place protected by a nicely fitting whiskey barrel
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Anybody But French, Maybe
Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti happened because they were cursed promising to follow the devil if French forced to leave. Now who's going to believe that you need help with the French?
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Winehouse Pleads Guilty to Assault Charges
Tells Judge "its in my nature to act like a fool"
Judge then the sentences the Shameless Amy to thirty days of community service modeling at the Frankenstein Museum.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Deja Vue All Over Again
China has had its biggest snow fall in over 50 years. There's a picture of a lone dissident in the newpapers this morning, showing him standing in front of a line of snow plows.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Hefner Confesses
Hugh Hefner says that he has not had the life so many people thinks he's had. "My last one hundred blow jobs were on my hot soup."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Old Man Smell Presistant
Hugh Hefner broke up with his twin girlfriends. They say they will be spending the next month in a sweat lodge.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Only $30 Million
Conan O'Brien is getting $30 million to leave NBC. "That's chickenfeed!" stated George Bush as Laura placed hand over hid mouth.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Taco Bell Found Dies
Monday, the founder of Taco Bell passed away at the age of 86. The family say that services will be held once the corpse quits farting.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Well, Burn My Ass!
Man from Green Party loses his bag of goodies in "Incinolet" mishap. Inconolet is a toilet that incinerates human waste instead of flushing it.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
"Please Stand By"
Some customers getting edgy as many banks closed for the third day for Martin Luther King's birthday.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
"Caleeforee Eebbee Tobotten Nor Ilse!"
California may be next to legalize marijuana for health. Now, not even Maria Shriver will not be able to understand Guv. Schwarzenegger!
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Bad Economy Hits Sports
Professional sports feels the effect of bad economy. Officials, umpires say bribes down nearly 50%.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Brown Takes Kennedy's Seat
Scott Brown, republican who will take Ted Kennedy's seat says the seat smells like bourbon farts.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Leno: Not By The Hair On My Chinny Chin Chin!"
The long hook of vaudeville days comes out and grabs O'Brien during opening monologue.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
More Underwear Smugglers Caught
Over 1,000 people found smuggling stuff in underwear at airports, trying to avoid extra price of luggage. "Are those Nike Runners in there are are you glad to see us?"
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Leno Lake Forming
Terrible Las Angeles thunderstorms, flooding blamed on dark clouds over NBC building.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Watch It Walking On The Sidewalk
Auto Makers agree to alter SUV design for safety on rollovers as new axles will extend wheels out one foot on each side.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rap Label Softens Image
Rap Record Label "Rape Them All" agrees to cjhange it's name to "Rape and Sing To Them All" which more clearly defines their product.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Flu Vaccine Low
Makers of swine flu vaccine running low again. "We do still have a wide selection for vaccines for the clap!"
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
What's Eating Him?
Man Accused of Cannibalism in Germany a few years ago has third cellmate to go missing. "Has to be a tunnel somewhere."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Hard Times Ahead
Survey: More people hiding cash, gold, jewelry under mattresses than any time during passed 70 years. Copy of those who responded, $5,000 each.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Nader May Run Again
Ralph Nader Considering Running Again In 2012! "Look what happened when you failed to elect me the last four time! Ask yourself, could it get any worse?"
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Sex-Mad tourists invade South Korea to "make babies"!
The South Koreans have ordered their people to "make babies" Global sex-mad tourists are dashing for Seoul hoping they can be of assistance!
written by unknown
Five Key O'Bomba Decisions
1. When to Resign
2. How to Tell the Wife the Party is Over
3. What new career to pursue
4. How to find jobs for my buddies as they are now out as well
5. Do I at least still get a Book Deal?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Oh Yes She Did Oh no she Did'nt
Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault at a pantomine
Some people say Oh Yes she did others say Oh no she did'nt
written by SPECTRUM, 20 January 2010
Coakley Returns to Kennedy Shrine to Pay Tribute!
Martha dropped off a bouquet and a full pint of gin at the Capaquidickk bridge to commemorate her historic senate election loss, and put an end to the 47 year rule by Ted...FINALLY!
written by unknown
Curt Shilling Talks About Obama!
"He's 0 fer 6 in his last at bats when it counted....I don't think he's ready for the big leagues yet...maybe the Hall of Shame & Copenhagen...but not Fenway Park!
written by unknown
Mass. Mayor Cadillac Deval Patrick, Selling his Car on EBay!
Responding to Senate vote where truck driving Scott Brown thumped Dems, he opts for a Lincoln Pick Up ...referring to his odd choice, Patrick said,
"whats wrong ...he freed the slaves didn't he?"
written by unknown
Barney Frank Now Sees the Light!
After having his head up his ass for years looking for Camelot, Barney exclaims, "I never really like the Kennedys..I must have had tunnel vision!"
written by unknown
New Poll In Chicago Shocks Administration!
9 out of 10 voters now think Blago was not so bad, after all.
written by unknown
Lieberman Into Pork
Joe Lieberman has sponsored more pork projects than any other independent according to latest survey.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Website To Be Investigated
The Federal government have decided to do full investigation of Insidestocktips.com.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
We're Number One!
The United States Military has once again been voted number one in the polls. The voters stated that they had to consider their difficult schedule.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Man Utd torn apart by massive debts and "Terror Teves"!
Teves came back to haunt Sir Alex last night + the news that Man Utd have increased their debt, a pissed Sir Alex was last seen throwing whisky bottles at a poster of Jose Mourinho!
written by unknown
Explanation Given For Democrat Loss in Mass. Special Election
ACORN workers could spell and pronounce "Brown," but not "Coakley"
written by unknown
Republicans Win Special Senate Election For Ted Kennedy's Seat
Illinois volunteered to bring in their cemetary vote, but election officials frowned on out of state manipulation.
written by unknown
Democrats Lose Special Election for Kennedy Senate Seat
The beer keg and open bar will have to be kept in someone else's office from now on.
written by unknown
Republican Wins Special Senate Election in Massachussets
The surviving "Kennedy Political Machine" must not have sent their usual death threats.
written by unknown
Special Election Held For Ted Kennedy Senate Seat
The winner is required to be perpetually drunk and not allowed to operate a motor vehicle near bridges.
written by unknown
Male Frogs Having Sex Problems
Traffic noise, demands of female frogs for ribbed it condoms, could be ruining sex lives of male frogs.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
SKorea Needs Babies
South Korean government workers are being given an unusual instruction - go home and multiply, as free Viagra, videos passed out.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Electric Cigs Not Safe?
There is a worrying lack of safety data on electronic cigarettes, despite their growing popularity with the public, two leading Greek researchers have warned. "System could shut down during outage."
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Air France Ups Prices
Obese passengers to be charged double to fly with Air France, triple if they have to feed them.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Fish Oil A Farce?
Is fish oil the elixir of life, adding to longevity of life?
Just ask a goldfish!
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Tastes Like Chicken Piss
'Chicken licking' supermarket shelf stacker jailed after being filmed sabotaging food and urinating in a bin at YOUR grocery!
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Kraft Gobbles Cadbury
Cadbury boss set to collect £12m pay-off, as unions fear Kraft takeover jobs bloodbath. "Just wait till the Big Cheese himself comes over", says union worker.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Scots Health Down
Scotland's health not as good as England's despite Scots having twice as many nurses per head. Health minister blames eating haggis twice a day.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Kids Suffer Withdrawal
Council to impose 'No Fry Zone' around primary schools in drive against obesity. Students say they should institute a No-Fly zone in kitchens, cafeteria.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Could Be Worse
Schools shut and roads closed as Britain is hit by new bout of wintry weather. "Just thankful this did not hit us in the summer as we would have been totally unprepared", says official.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Brown Checkmates Obama
Former male centrefold delivers devastating blow on Obama's first anniversary. Could receive 90% of women vote if runs for President in 2012.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Millionaire Cleared
Millionaire who attacked masked burglar to save his family walks free after judge overturns his jail sentence, pats back pocket.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
LeBron's Big Day
LeBron just misses triple-double as Cavs down Raps. Then wins daily double at Churchill Downs.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Judge Clears Winehouse
Winehouse gets conditional discharge for assault after judge sees discharge first hand.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Tougher Warning Needed
FDA debates tougher cancer warning on tanning beds. Asks for headstone be placed at top.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Not A Thing!
NASA listens for silent Mars lander, one hand clapping, messages from mimes from other planets.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Rare Humper Birds Discovered
Rare bird's breeding ground found in Afghanistan. "You should see the little guys going at it", says Ornithologist.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Anyone Keeping Score?
Bank of America loses $5.2B in 4Q as it repays bailout. May have to have it back soon.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
American Terrorists To Help?
Gates says terrorist groups help each other. Asks American terrorist group to infiltrate and act as spies.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Vet School Updates
Texas Veterinarian school joins few with own blacksmith, horse, cow, sheep whisperer.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Once They Miss The Ocean
South Korean defense chief: Hit North 1st if threatened, like if one of their missiles doesn't fall into ocean as all 200 have thus far.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Gore Mad Again
U.N. warning that Himalayan glaciers were melting faster than any other place in the world & may be gone by 2035 not backed up by science, climate experts said Wednesday, apologize for scare tactic.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Obama Gut-Check
Brown Win a gut-check for Obama and Democrats on health care. Annual gut-checks dropped from care bill.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Charlie Daniels Recovering
Country star Charlie Daniels recovering after stroke after winning fiddle contest against Devil in Georgia.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
O'Brien Out
Conan O'Brien's guest list hints at exit. Coming up next week as guests, members of the audience.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Flip Flop
3 weeks after gay marriage law, NH takes up repeal. Divorce attorneys object.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Royal Blockheads?
Royal Caribbean's decision to dock ships at Haitian resort creates controversy. Apparently wanted passengers to sight see how the other half lived.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Dems. Stopped
Analysis: GOP sees Massachusetts win as stop sign, perhaps tombstone marker for Democrats.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Mixed Review
AP-GfK Poll: Obama's 1st year gets mixed verdict. Wins Nobel Peace Prize, makes several good speeches, gets nothing done.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Brown All Over
Brown wins in Massachusetts. Brown appears on the seat of Obama. Biden, Reid and Pelosi pants.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Bunny Shelter Declares Bankruptcy; Then Saved by Spoof Family
"For the love of Bunnies" an old English bedtime favorite played on as the Skoob family waffled up the $ to keep the shelter alive and see tons of more bunnies filter into back and front yards.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Dr. Skoob Takes New Role in "Spaceballs 1999"
Dr. Skoob, a natural for the "Hee Haw" style country bumpkin Doctor suddenly beamed into a Moon Hole colony 100 years into the future, where he has only two rabbits to survive off of. What to do?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Michele O'Bomba Caught Flashing Hubby in White House
Unfortunately the wide angle lenses on the cameras were not wide enough to capture the king size derriere of the 1st Lady, prompting a change over to "Wide Format" movie cameras for future episodes.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Tiger Woods Fails Sex Rehab; Opts for Castration
Slice and Dice Queen Lorena Bobbit to do the honors, says "I already have a bat, now I'll have some balls to knock around".
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Fish Oil Slows Aging
But people who take it develop gills and can breathe only in water.
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Michigan Woman Accused of Taking a Bite out of Her Sister's Nose
Her defense? "I always felt she was kind of nosy."
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
What's in a Name?
Marc Webb has been named the director of the next Spider-Man movie.
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Size H Breasts Desired by Heidi Montag
"I'm not fussy, either H or Z should do it," she giggled.
written by Gail Farrelly, 20 January 2010
Hillary Clinton Accuses Haitian Men of Staring at Her Boobs
"Their staring eyes made me feel like I was going through TSA Airport security, it was definitely intrusive and it made me nervous; rest assured that won't be something that happens to me again."
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Kuznetsova and Stosur Advance; Set up Epic Battle of the Lesbos
Hillary Clinton, a major fan of both players, again denied she is a lesbian.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
As Layoffs Continue, SSI Disability Claims Triple
Claiming amongst other things, that they were "kicked out the door" by "O'Bomba policies" and suffered permanent injuries.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
U.S. Sends More Troops Trained to Kill Over to Haiti Where Many are Already Dead
General Clinton was Unable to Define the logic behind the latest move, as Doctors and clinicians wonder when they will be called to duty, if ever.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Roy Simmons Reactivated to Give Farve Extra Pump
The openly gay NFL'r says he still has a hard one and can "get up for whatever the old man might have in mind".
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Dems Agree to Blockbuster Trade
For Voters First Round, #1 Draft Pick B. O'Bomba, Dems get one free re-run token for Bill Clinton and two dead republicans.
wow. talk about losing value quickly
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Polanski Lawyers: Time Served is Fair Sentence
Of course the "lawyers for Polanski" are referring to "time served" at his "Swiss Chalet".
Sentence in Absurdia?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Japan Airlines Files for Bankruptcy
Leaving passengers in desperate circumstances as laid off pilots say "no pay, no fly" and promptly parachute out of airliners at 30,000 feet.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba Benched by GM Hillary, Rahm Emanuel to Start
Already suffering from "broken promise" fatigue, rookie O'Bomba has been benched by General Manager Hillary Clinton according to sources with the team. 4th string back up Rahm Emanuel will now start.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba Bets Ranch on Election; Now wants Conan O'Brien Style Deal
Something on the order of $ 40,000,000 to "go away"
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba: Senate Health Bill "Better than Nothing"??
I can't wait to see what my new options are!!!!!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba Says Dem Election Loss Not a Problem
As Dems still have a majority except for defectors and traitors. Joseph Lieberman to take new vote count.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
US airlines to handcuff passengers
"It's the only way to be sure no one will get up to use the rest rooms during the last hour of flight," a TSA spokesman said...
written by Robin Berger, 20 January 2010
Troubled Monkey
San Diego Zoo, tired of parent's compliant about masterbating orangutan, has him fixed. Now he's throwing shit at everybody.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Don't Know Where To Start
Mime's invisible cube fails to stop runaway car that jumps unto street in Detroit. Jaws of life still trying to free him.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Honked His Last
"Charlie", another long time clown for Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Baily Circus dies at the age of 90 at rest home in Tuscon. Will be buried on Big Shoe Hill.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Cold Case File!
According to new DNA evidence, it was Mrs. O'Leary carrying on with working hand that started the great Chicago fire and her cow was innocent. Maybe now the Cubs will be in the World Series.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Strike Three!
First meteor that could strike earth, Mayan calender ending in 2012 and now for the first time, no one has secretly placed flowers on Edgar Allen Poe's grave on his birthday. It's the end, alright.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
Good Boy!
Leona Helmsley's dog agrees to foot part of the bill for a national health plan.
written by Bureau, 20 January 2010
O'Bomba Gets B-Ball Offer From High School Girls League
Hillary Clinton and Bob Gates suggest he take the job as whistle blower for the high schoolers.
Who is the V.P. again?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Restating the Obvious, Jesse Jackson Enters the Haitian Picture
Says "Its going to take a lot of assistance to rebuild Haiti."
and "We know these people, they are our friends."
Thanks Jesse, we are now informed.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Iris Robinson rushed to hospital.
New boyfriend Jack, 8lb 6oz, was born at 3.15am this morning.
written by Fergus McCarthy, 20 January 2010
Traffic Slows, Spoofers Wonder: Is there a Jam?
Or is it something as simple as a Bugling of a "changing of the guard".
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
Tiger Woods Undergoing Treatment at Sex Addition Clinic In Missisippi
Actually a converted brothel, the treatment has Tiger engaging in sex with brunette hookers 24/7 until he gets "sick of sex" and can be returned to society as a "non-biased part time sexter."
written by Richard DagNabbit, 20 January 2010
