With a two foot cleaver under a waxing moon?
The Sex Pistols = She Slit Sexpot
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Princess Amensia again?
The Sex Pistols = She Exists! Plot
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Banned for being too droopy
The Sex Pistols = Expels Ho's Tits
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Half a dozen punks from Wroclaw or Czestochowa?
The Sex Pistols = Polish Sextets
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Is this where the Nazis bought their fabrics of deceit?
The Sex Pistols = SS Textile Shop
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Obama won't support the UK vis-à-vis Falklands
"But I have a plan B", said Obama.
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Cruise liner hits harbour wall in Egypt
better than eating a double cheeseburger
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Lily Allen wants her own posh frock shop
"Want's to look like Posh"
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
"Makes more money than good sense"
Lindsay Lohan paid to attend parties
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Reason for so many kids?
Angelina Jolie thinks a 3 year famine is 'in the works'
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Toyota with parking issue
'Body of missing former celeb found parked in park'
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
'Read All About It'
"Carly Simon finally reveals the subject of You're So Vain..."
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
'Sorry Darling ... got to win your ma at DOOM'
Allegedly starved of sex, Ashley Cole's friends said: "Happened when Cheryl Cole's mother-in-law moved in ... she had better computer games than Ashley causing him to have 'bedroom malfunction'
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Monica Lewinsky - so very very hot and/or 'me so horny'
no and no
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Lisa Kudrow in a long red dress
talks about her posh relatives, "It's the media, they are Polish not posh - oh, what am I saying?"
written by Tcoah, 26 February 2010
Good name for a Triple Crown winner
The Preakness = Seeks Panther
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Crucial Triple Crown race nearly bankrupted the Garden of England last year!
The Preakness = Reshapes Kent
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
As in Play Misty For Me fan club
Colonel gaddafi = Odd Fog Alliance
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Indian beach resort is awash with turds most days
Colonel Gaddafi = Goan Fecal Dildo
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
Dogs of Whore led us a merry dance
Collonel Gaddafi = Dog Of Dalliance
written by queen mudder, 26 February 2010
No Word About 2010-2011 Season
Dallas Cowboy Iona Phuque who shook it till she broke it out of the hospital with her ass in a sling.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Tiger Uncaged
Tiger Woods may leave the sex addiction clinic any day now according to reports. "He'll be fine as long as he has that saltpeter patch", say docs.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
"I'm Going Home!"
Marian Robinson, Michelle Obama's mother has resigned. "I've had all this health care up to my ass", she stated in a press conference. President Obama will appoint a new Mother-In-Law Monday.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Danish newspaper Politiken apologise to the "Great One" over a glass of Carlsberg!
Apologising to the "Great One" was difficult enough, but to crack a bottle of Danish finest, Carlsberg, with him was even more difficult, even the "Great One" has his weaknesses!
written by unknown
"Santa, You Look All White!"
Arkansas man says he'll never do Santa at the mall again. "Got kicked in the balls at least twice a day."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Bud Breath
Arkansas man says he'll never do Santa at the mall again. "The little fart's 'you smell like daddy when he comes home on Saturday night!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
"Funny Feeling Santa"
Arkansas man says he'll never do Santa at the mall again. They put me right across from the Frederick's Of Arkansas and I was fired and jailed for a boner.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Arkansas Santa
Arkansas man says he'll never do Santa at the mall again. "For three month your beard smells like clabbered milk!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Too Much Competition
Another medical marijuana store has closed it's doors. In San Jose, the "Toke 'R' Us" shut the door, Friday.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque Admits To Boob Job
"I had to make them smaller because I couldn't find bras that big."
written by unknown
Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque Does Own Promo For Tonight Show Appearance
Ratings predicted to soar through the roof due to her saying only three words in promo: "Ivana Phuque, Tonight."
written by unknown
Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque Says Her Parents Sent Her To American Catholic Schools
"They thought I'd be safer with the priests as a little girl when I told them my name was Ivana Phuque. Thank God I wasn't a little boy with this name."
written by unknown
Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque to Purchase New King Sized Bed
The old one had so many notches in it, the frame collapsed.
written by unknown
Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque to Marry Descendant Of Former Chicago Mayor
Her married name would be "Ivana Phuque Daley"
written by unknown
Lady Gaga Tops 2 More Polls
Wins; Most likely to turn out to be mad, vastly over-hyped attention seeker; Most likely to eat own face.
written by Life with Rabbit, 26 February 2010
"How About 'See-Through Floor?"
Screwed Indians discover that they have built their casino over sacred Indian burial grounds!
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
No Whoppers Here
New Chinese McDonalds worker mistakes Casual Fridays as Casual Flydays with predickable outcome.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Putin Favored
Russia has announced the date for their next rigged presidential election.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Tilting Of Building Explained
Security cameras in Dubai show that tilting of the top caused by big gorilla climbing up it during the night.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Cocaine, Heroin Down
Price of cocaine, heroin down once again in 2009. Dealers blame meth addicts.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Nearly One Million Complaints
FCC received 350,000 complaints about indecency on TV in 2009. Over 500,000 said there wasn't enough.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Still Don't Know Why They Cross Roads
Chickens have same number of genes as humans. "That explains a whole lot", states Hannibal Lectern.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Dollar Stinking Up The Place
Rapidly stinking dollar comes as a surprise to US tourists abroad. That should be "Sinking Dollar"...but both work."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Pelosi Looking Froggy
Nancy Pelosi continues to be picked on, her eyebrows now one long line at top of her forehead. "Call for a Mr. Pohl! Please turn on your cellphone. Mr. Tad Pohl!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
House Speaker
Nancy Pelosi continues to be picked on, her eyebrows now one long line at top of her forehead. "Ms. King, you have a call, turn on your cellphone! Ima Jo King, are you here?"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Stocks struggle to find selves in early trading
With an economy in the shape its in its no wonder that the stock market is on an emotional rollercoaster.
written by Wumf, 26 February 2010
Nursing Home Ok'd
Source of troubles at Arkansas nursing home discovered. Staff not to blame. Patients were trading medications.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Far North Inuit Tribe Says They Could Use A Little Global Warming
Formerly called "Eskimos",This Northern people group said Wednesday that they wouldn't mind some warming,"Especially right about now in February,to hell with all these icebergs and snowdrifts!"
written by Wumf, 26 February 2010
Speaker Of The House!
Nancy Pelosi continues to be picked on, her eyebrows now one long line at top of her forehead. "Mrs. Finder, turn on your cellphone. You have a call! Attention, Mr. Dick Finder!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Lady Of The House
Nancy Pelosi continues to be picked on, her eyebrows now one long line at top of her forehead. "Mr. Lions, please turn on your cellphone. You have a call! Mr. Dan D. Lyons!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
House Victimized Again
Nancy Pelosi continues to be picked on, her eyebrows now one long line at top of her forehead. "Would Mr. Bacon plaese turn on your cellphone. Someone is trying to reach you. Mr. Chris P. Bacon!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Pope not a Catholic
The Pope is not a Catholic, says the Vatican. He's a Zoroastrian who knocked on the wrong door, and "one thing led to another". The rhetorical substitute for "yes" has now been officially scrapped.
written by The Medium Cheese, 26 February 2010
Identity Theft Conference
Can all attendees at the Identity Theft Conference please remember to pick up somebody else's name tag when they arrive?
written by IainB, 26 February 2010
9,000 In The Dock
Tax credit shambles lands 9,000 families in the dock. "We'll need a bigger courtroom", says judge.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
They'll Show Anything On TV!
Roll back the raunch: Explicit pop videos 'should be banned before the 9pm watershed' according to computer porn site owners.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Online Mail Cut!
Furious radio stars lash out over BBC plans to axe station in wide-ranging spending c.............beeeeeeeeeeep!
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
No Loyalty From Obama
Britain 'betrayed' by Obama: U.S. fails to back Britain over Falklands after row over revealing American torture. Ghost of Churchill & Roosevelt send daughters into President's bed during the night.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Head Quits
Protestant head quits after drunk driving. Rest of body seems fine. Calls being place at cryonics centers for Ted Williams, Walt Disney.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Punked again
Canada, lead by Carrie Oakey, blanks US for gold again in Women's Shit! Hockey! "Someone please read these before handing them to me."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
It Was Kim Who Won Gold
Bonnie Ann Clide wins gold with record score at Olympics. I'm sorry, joker in the house. Kim Yu-na wins the gold!
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Stoning Illegal, Not Snowballing
Airlines hunker down in another snowstorm. Man who mentioned global warming snowballed to death.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Also, Taught The Difference
UK publishes new rules for assisted suicide, homicide!
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Over 100 Spent Last Hours There Last Year
Study: High-fat diets raise stroke risk in women while hitting doughnut section of WallyMart.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
"Your Whole Family Wiped Out, Except For Me"
UK publishes new rules for assisted suicide. Rich Uncle Melvin cannot be told lies about Missiles on their way toward the cities filled with anthrax.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Politicians Are Easy Targets
British politicians fall victim to Twitter scam: "Barbara Seville! Is there a Barbara Seville? I have a message for you.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Reid Punked
Harry Reid Senate Leader falls victim to prank on cellphone: "Barb B Dahl! Is there a Barb B. Dahl on the Senate floor?"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
US Hit By Pranks Also
Nancy Pelosi also falling victim to prank cellphone calls: "Ann Teack in the House? You know any Ann Teack's Senator Byrd? By the way, the Senate is across the street."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
She Won't Answer If There Is
British politicians fall victim to Twitter scam. "Anita! Is there an Anita Dick in the house?"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Riot Into The Streets
British politicians fall victim to Twitter scam, answering "Baum? Is there an Adam Baum here?"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Politicians Tricked
British politicians fall victim to Twitter scam after running home to see if refrigerator still running.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Google To Next Show Which Prostitute On Which Street Corner
Google warned by EU over Street View map photos, bedroom close-ups.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Looking For a Reputation
2 huge icebergs let loose off Antarctica's coast, make a bee line towards shipping lanes.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Bayer Stock Up
Bayer Q4 net income up 44 percent, mostly on big snows stranding many at home, Levitra sales up 200%.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Pirates Receive Bounty
Somali pirates release Singaporean ship for cash, pieces of eight.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Coup Leaders On Trial
Turkish PM: All linked to coup plot will have fair impartial trial, execution.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Best We Can Hope For
Strong growth in Q4 likely to slow throughout 2010, predicts optimists.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Dems Push Ahead, Need A Foot
Bottom line on health care summit: Dems push ahead, while they need a foot, up their ass.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
No Money To Pay For It
Bottom line on health care summit: Dems push ahead while ignoring collapse of economy.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Paris Too Hot, Stupid?
Paris Hilton too hot for Brazil? Gov't protests. "She's doing her best to keep blond jokes going.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Sounds Like Hannibal's Loose
Maryland inmate leaves prison by impersonating cellmate by ripping off his face.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Living Large In Detroit
Legal troubles aside, ex-Detroit mayor lives large. Kilpatrick now up to 295 pounds.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
New Exercise Advice
Interval training can cut exercise hours sharply. Just hopping out to the mail box and back enough for the full day.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Hold That Airline Seat
How to get the best seat on the plane and hold it, using old time favorite, plastic puke.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Some Indians Doing Well
American Indian reservation reaping oil benefits. Slowly buying back the country.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
New Boy's Names
Parents Choosing More Unusual Baby Names Now! Number one with boys: Mohammed Bob.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
New Unusual Names
Parents Choosing More Unusual Baby Names Now! Number one with girls? Ivana Phuque.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
VA Will "Take Another Look"
VA to reopen Gulf War vets' files to examine health claims. Still no word on agent orange sickness, deaths for those in Vietnam.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Mor ice, Snow
Huge Eastern storm darkens homes, disrupts travel. "I hope Al Gore's nuts freeze off!" heard around many households
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Just Shut Up, Please!
Huge Eastern storm darkens homes, disrupts travel in what global warming nuts are calling warmest January on record.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Facebook Official Discusses Glitch in Which Email Messages Were Misdirected
"We still have a higher accuracy rate than the U. S. Postal Service."
written by Gail Farrelly, 26 February 2010
Dubai boondoggle
Killers sought in killing of killer after using identities of un-killed others not thought to be killers.
written by Wumf, 26 February 2010
I Guess That's From The Guy Fired Monday
Alex Trebek not at all happy with surprised category of "Potent Penises" on yesterday's Jeopardy show.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Tight Squeeze At That
Not only does American Airlines charge $10 for every extra piece of luggage, you must buy two seats if you're Aretha Franklin and three if you're Dolly Parton.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Ahead Of US There
Not only does Iran already have a nuclear bomb but they have also developed the first ever vibrating codpiece.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
I Tat I Ta A Bomb!
Not only does Iran have nuclear weapons but have now announced that they have developed a telephone voice modulator that makes you sound like Tweety Bird.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Iran Advances
Not only does Iran already have a nuclear bomb but they have also developed an artificial appendix.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
All In The Family
Little Known Facts: Ivana Phuque's mother, Ida Mae Phuque, won a Silver medal in the Luge at the 1952 Oslo games.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Canadian Olympics
Olympics greased pig contest disqualification leads to riots in downtown Little Rock, Arkansas!
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Super Loss
Peyton Manning on why he lost the Super Bowl: "Stupid New Orleans quarterback looked one way and then threw the other, the safeties tell me. Brees can be sneaky at times."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Thought It Was Eli's Turn All Year
Peyton Manning on why he lost the Super Bowl: "I only gave 104 percent. I knew better."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Super Bowl Blow
Peyton Manning on why he lost the Super Bowl: "Got my numbers, plays, commercials, pays all balled up!"
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Manning Loses
Peyton Manning on why he lost the Super Bowl: "I didn't want to go to Disney World anyway. Nor that killer whale thing."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
"I Knew Better"
Pope Benedict upset after hitchhiker robs the Popemobile at gunpoint.
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
KU Favorite Subject
Newshound discovers that every basketball player at Kansas University taking "Ass From Elbow, A Comparative Study".
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Cheney's Location Discovered.
V.P.Biden finally discovers forme VP Cheney's hidden bunker. Knew it was Cheneys as soon as I saw that deer-sized microwave."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
That's Cheney All Over
V.P.Biden finally discovers forme VP Cheney's hidden bunker. Knew it was Cheneys as soon as rigged shotgun hit me in the face."
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Big Bright Green, Suicide Machine
The new Oregon suicide machine: "I like it so much, I bought the farm" -Beatrice Arthur
written by Bureau, 26 February 2010
Peaches and Scream: What a Twitter Twat
Spoiled idle airhead Peaches Geldof, 12, broadcast pictures of her bared twat in a taxi on Twitter yesterday. "If I'd known I had two twats in my cab I'd of charged double" said driver Dick Fiddler.
written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2010
Russell "Branded" Illiterate
British Spider Society chairperson Helen Earth caught pervy "comic" Russell Brand in her web yesterday after he described himself as a "sex insect like a spider." 'Spider's aren't insects', she said.
written by Erskin Quint, 26 February 2010
