Midget learns his normal sized wife hasn't bathed in a week because she's been busy with affair
"I knew that she was upset. She said I was too obsessed about sex and would never look her in the face when we showered together."
written by unknown
Midget learns his normal sized wife hasn't bathed in a week because she's been busy with affair
I guess sex with him wasn't "dirty" enough.
written by unknown
Midget learns his normal sized wife hasn't bathed in a week because she's been busy with affair
If he's angry about this, does that mean he's on a "short fuse"?
written by unknown
Midget learns his normal sized wife hasn't bathed in a week because she's been busy with affair
She says that her husband just "didn't measure up."
written by unknown
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
75 year old Jerry Mathers given viagra so that he can be up for his appearance as The Beaver.
written by unknown
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Britney Spear's, Paris Hilton's, and Lindsay Lohan's vaginas all invited, as none have made public appearance in three years.
written by unknown
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Former Olympic Ski Jumper Eddie The Eagle to make appearance as a "One Hit Blunder"
written by unknown
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Osmonds, Jacksons, Monkeys, Menudo, New Kids, N'Sync all fight to headline "Old Men Who Used To Be Boy Bands Concert."
written by unknown
No shagging for a fortnight!
Piers Brosnan = Sprains Boner
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
The ones on a Harley Davidson probably loaded with valuables!
Piers Brosnan = Robs Panniers
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Peerage and a loaded shotgun
Piers Brosnan = Baron Snipers
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Patrick McGoohan's show off limits?
Piers Brosnan = Bans 'Prisoner'
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
We were all faking it!
President Reagan = A Daring Pretense
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
"I left my heart in Sacramento and my common sense too"
Say 2008 Obama supporters.
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
Maybe that's why 'Grassy Noel' took a potshot at him!
President Kennedy - Ended Ninety Perks
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Some time during Year of the Snake
President Kennedy = Ended Inky Serpent
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Butch kinda guy for JFK
President Kennedy = Needed Stern Pinky
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Secret cross-dresser?
President Kennedy = Needed Penny Skirt
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
"Why does my husband always go to sleep straight after sex?"
Is your name Sarah Brown?
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
Brown The Bully
Gordon is not a bully, claims Mandelson as PM is accused of abusing Downing Street wimps.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Angry coke blokes
The Rollling Stones = Lol! Seething Snort
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Or yodelling Panama...
The Rolling Stones = Hollering Stetson
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Alone in the crowd...
The Rolling Stones = Loneliest Throngs
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Old clunker stimulus mistake?
Robert Redford = Ford Debt Error
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
Too Much TV
Study: Too much TV watching as lost kid at mall describes his parents as Pat Sajak & Vanni.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Sounds Like Ferengi!
Police in Arkansas warn people gathering for a Star Trek Convention at Truck Stop, they've paid their fees to crooks.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
CBS Special
CBS, behind in the ratings, offers free tan to those who will watch their shows within three feet of the screen.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
WH threatens to sue
Gordon Brown's office for advice about reaching independent voters - WH alleges: "advice not fit for purpose".
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
Obama is "all those things and more"
useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
Sex Hormone Trial For Head Injury
You'll still have a headache but you wont care anymore
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Twist Until 9 PM!
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Gums And Noses!!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Mashed Potatoes Till 9 PM!
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Pa Simon & Fart Gagfunker with Kidney Rogers!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Rock Around Till 9 PM!
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Tim Hardin & The Arteries!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Hully Gully Till 9 PM!
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Jimmy Gilmore & The Long Balls!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Tonight, Rock Till 9 PM
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Catheter Stevens!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Night Only, Till 9 PM
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: John Codger Mellencamp!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Night Only-Till 9PM
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Four Loads with The Honeybuckets!"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Night Only (Till 9PM)
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Gerry & The Four Pacemakers!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Weekend At Harrah's
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Gas Who!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
This Weekend At Harrah's
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Old Rascals!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
I'm Lovin It
New McBrush proves a hit with customers. As part of the meal, for an extra 50p, why not order curlers instead of fries?
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Schoolgirls Could Be Allowed To Swap Skirts For Trousers
If Schoolboys Agree.
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Miracle On 34th Hole
Dalai Lama says faith can bring Woods discipline. Woods immediately becomes Buddhist, says he's cured.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
It's All Iffy
NASA: Weather iffy for space shuttle return Sunday. Al Gore immediately adopts "iffy" for global warming.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
No Hacking Here!
Schools in China say they weren't behind hacking, except during Swine Fly outbreak.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
GOP Might Support Slimed-Down Bill
McConnell: GOP may support slimmed down jobs bill, if we can find any slimmed down workers.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
House Agrees On One Thing
Bayh: economic crisis might spark cooperation. McConnell, Reid: If we sink, we're taking everybody with us!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Now We're Getting Serious!
Petraeus: Marjah first salvo in long campaign that started seven years ago!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Dealers, Pushers, High Flyers!
Worried Toyota dealers adding own voice to PR push at 110 MPH!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Fumes Are Deadly
Seniors Trip Train derails, toxic cloud forces California evacuations, right after senior's pants evacuations.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Midget learns his normal sized wife hasn't bathed in a week because she's been busy with affair
"I thought I smelled something fishy"
written by unknown
Official Comeback Launch
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Cannibal & the "Head" Hunters
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Back After 40 Years
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Caned Heat!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Oldies
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Credence 'Make Water' Revival.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Mandelson "Brown is not a bully"
"He's a receiver, not a giver"
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Oldies Night
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Featuring Alice Pooper with Brewer & Shithead!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Oldies Night
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Cleftones Hearing Aids.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Ran Into Another Family's Man
Worker for Donato Soprano killed in crash was a loyal family man.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Nursing Great Lakes
Feds outline plan to nurse Great Lakes to health as ten gallon of mother's milk from volunteers dumped into Lake Erie.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Had WMD's Somewhere, They Are Certain
Philippine troops kill six al-Qaida-linked, voted against against President, militants.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Lama On Obama
Dalai Lama doesn't fault Obama for low-key meeting. "He has his own ass to watch", says wise man.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
I Kid You Not
Kid comedians take the stage in Las Vegas: "Take my cat, please!"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
China Tightens Rules, Feet
China tightens bank lending rules, bonds on their women's feet!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
The Elvi Are In Vegas
Vegas hotel unveils Elvis extravaganza with over 1500 imitation Elvi in the crowd!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
World's Record!
Nepal's shortest man in quest for world record, sandpapers the bottom of his feet.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Economy In Crapper
Factoid: Fed Chairman Bernanke says that while most of the world's economy in the crapper, these are BOOM times for many in the middle east!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Chester Bin Laden
Factoid: After half the population of Saudi Arabia named Mohammed. Oddly enough, coming in second was "Chester".
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Arabs & Sand
Factoid: Not only do Eskimos have over 40 words for snow, Arabs have over 100 for sand! Mostly, those we cannot print.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
"I Said, Shut Up!"
Grocery clerk at Kruger warns bioengineered cucumbers to quit flirting with the female customers for the third time today.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Well, That's A Step Forward
South Korean scientist announces that he has invent a skunk that smells like shit!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Jump Up & Down, Throw Firecrackers!
Nepal's shortest man in quest for world record, after being mostly overlooked.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Lots Of Doubts!
Michelle Obama thinks doubts about her have eased, has decided that the doubts about her husband has increased that no one cares about doubts about her.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Track Mind
Forget our $3 trillion debt, 10% Unemployment! Live From Washington! It's Obama health care drama back on TV!
And everywhere else!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Haig Remembered
Alexander Haig remembered as soldier-statesman-victim of over 1,000 Late Night Jokes.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Lies Have Consequences
Analysis: Untruths have consequences in politics. Only took nearly 240 years to find that out.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Car A Cash Cow
US researchers unveiled a vehicle Thursday that earns money for its driver instead of guzzling it up in gasoline and maintenance costs. It's called, "The Volunteer Crash Dummy Project".
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Military On Gays
Lawmakers to press military on gay ban. All wearing pink ties.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
New Study
Study: Average life of a Taliban appointed leader basically that of Alfredo Bruno's car starter!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Six Months?
Study: Average life of a Taliban appointed leader basically that of a judge in Columbia.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Obama Demands In Flight Fuel Tanker to Service Air Force I !
Barry spending so much time flying around can't even bring his head out of clouds to govern. Air Force tells POTUS tanker delay due to prior request of
SOTUS, Skank of the US, Nancy Pelosi.
written by unknown
Anyone Left in UK who hasn't shagged a Footie?
WAGS claim herd is thinning , may move on to Cricketeers who are reported
'to swing a mean bat" according to Vanessa Perroncel. Badminton players cry "Hey,don't forget us if you like 'shuttlecocks!'
written by unknown
Cole to L.A.? Say it ain't so!
Rumours citing Cheryl to move to CA to ESCAPE media attention! She really must be dumber than she looks and sounds. US soccer players suck, too. Oops, maybe she's not so dumb afterall!
written by unknown
Korean Shoe Thief To Get The Slipper
A thief who stole 120 pairs of shoes from a funeral is to be beaten on the backside 120 times with a slipper. "I did it because I was down at heel" claimed the poor sole. "Shoe" we say.
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
UK Now Studying Privatizing Health Care, Barry Still Pushes for Govt. Control!
England finally starting to realize government can never run anything successfully. Obama comments: "F**** Retards! It's all about power, not prosperity...dumb C*****s!" Chris Matthews wets himself!
written by unknown
Obama Tells Biden: "From Now on Take a F****g Bus!"
Barry pissed after series of late night driving incidents and fatality involving Biden Motorcades. "Who does he think he is," said Barry, "Ted F****g Kennedy?"
written by unknown
Hugo Chavez calls Obama 'faux negro' amidst more power failures in Caracas!
Rahm Emanuel responds calling the narco dictator a "F*****g Phony Banana" responsible for 'F*****g up a pefectly good crisis' and "turning Socialism into a F***** Joke!" More on Larry King tonight!
written by unknown
Argentina President Popularity Sags as UK Cuts of Her Botox Shipments!
Botox Pres, 57,Cristina De Kirchner, retaliates by putting embargo on UK ships sent to facilitate oil drilling. War of the Wrinkles set to commense shortly, although Brown says he 'doesn't see it.'
written by unknown
Gordon Brown & Rahm Emanuel to Star in New Realty Show!
Show is named after recent revelations concerning the use of profanity by the two powerful political characters and will debut as : "F*****C****meets
F******Retard" and billed as 'Battle of Words!'
written by unknown
"The best games yet" says the IOC
This is despite the death of one athlete, several serious accidents, numerous mishaps, accusations of corruption and poor weather. Splendid.
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Spoof Snippet Zoner Berware!
President Putin = Untried Snippet
written by queen mudder, 21 February 2010
"I've Never Hit Anybody" Says Brown
"I just send Prescott round to knock seven bells out of them instead"
written by Earl Grey, 21 February 2010
Socks the Cat Speaks Out
A reporter candidly asked Hillary Clinton what world leader she most admired. Socks looked up and said, "Mao"
written by Mr Dovie, 21 February 2010
Dalai Lama asks Mr Obama for NY Coney Dog
Just tell them to make me one with Everything!
written by Mr Dovie, 21 February 2010
Unexpected cure for Global Warming!
All the Junk floating in space will completely block the Sun in 2012
written by Mr Dovie, 21 February 2010
Mazda to Introduce first Urine Powered Car
Advertisements feature new slogan: Instead of Zoom Zoom, It's Whiz Whiz!
written by Mr Dovie, 21 February 2010
"Time Has Come Today!"
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Chamberpot Brothers!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
In Their Second Childhood
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Buffalo SpringChickens with Stephen Still.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Special Farewell Performance
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Boxed Tops.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
BTO At Harrahs
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Bachman, Toyota Overdrive!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Now At Harrah's Casino
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Gray Sabbath!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Celebs offered free laptops by the Sun Newspaper
... with built-in remote controlled web-cams
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
There are bad days and then there are very bad days
"Groom shot dead at wedding by uncle's stray celebratory bullet"
written by Tcoah, 21 February 2010
Never My Love (Unless You Have A Purple Pill)
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Association of Retired People.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Night Special
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Big Brother & The Holdin' On Company!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Oldies
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The Beached Boys!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Now At Harrah's
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Badfungus!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Hip Joint Hurrahs!
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: The 1910 Tooth Gum Factory.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Presents
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Blood, Sweat & Years!
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
One Night Only
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: Dad and Jeremy.
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
Harrah's Casinos Welcome 100,000 Has Beens For This Weekend's Live Performances
Jackson family insists that they aren't has beens because "we've been all over the television since Michael done overdosed his self and killed his ass."
written by unknown
Special Performance, Free Clothepins
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: "The Original Dreadful Dead"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
This Week Only
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: "The Jackson Two"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
"Knock Twenty Times & Loud"
Harrah's Casino welcomes this week's golden oldies: "Tony Orlando $ Dusk"
written by Bureau, 21 February 2010
