Balls On The Ball
UK Secretary of State for Children, Schools etc has admitted that kids don't need no education, thought control or qualifications. His Darwinian comment has been backed by the legendary Roger Waters!
written by iscrivener, 13 February 2010
Ne Flu Next Winter?
Study: Swine Flu may have broken out at this time due to huge number of obese people. Experts warn of next year's possible outbreak of "Elephant Flu".
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
New Agency
The FBI & DEA are joining efforts; assigning their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team that targets illegal decongestant pills sales on the black market. The agents will be called Pseudo Feds.
written by IN SEINE, 13 February 2010
Israel Accused Of Existance
Israel accused of waging covert war, continue to exist in the Mideast.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Price Of Ice Set to Soar
In a desperate attempt to revitalise their decimated economy the Icelandic government is to sell off its huge reserves of ice to those countries most affected by the threat of global warming!
written by iscrivener, 13 February 2010
Shayler - "Spoof Was Shushed Up"
David Shayler has it on good authority that the Spoof's recent downtime was a result of MI6's intervention to close the site preventing Taliban subscribers getting covert stories of imminent attack!
written by iscrivener, 13 February 2010
Tories Pledge To Introduce New Legal Tender
Chancellor George Osbourne pledges to legalise Monopoly money to kick start the property market saving on the cost of quantitative easing, £770billion will be shared by owners of the game!
written by iscrivener, 13 February 2010
Sherman Still Hasseling Atlanta?
"Unseen hand" from someplace causing a lot of sexual harassment in offices around Atlanta. Psychic believe it's the ghost of General Sherman.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
NO More Used Cars?
New study shows that "Pre-owned vehicles" outsell "Used cars" two to one.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
It's Those Chinese
U.S. government say they fear that spies have already hacked into our power grid as laptop computers begin lap dancing!
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
New Alley Movie
Kirstie Alley signs to star in new motion picture, 'Free Willy's Girlfriend.'
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Bruce In The Dark?
Is Bruce Springsteen losing it? First he forget what city he was playing & last week in California, he dedicated "Dancing In The Dark" to Goober, Floyd and all the good folks of Dingleberry, NC"
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Russell Brand Signs For Chelsea
Celebrity shagger Russell Brand has joined Chelsea in a deal which is said to include 50 grand a week and unlimited use of Wayne Bridge's girlfriend.
written by Earl Grey, 13 February 2010
Kraft comes up with Milk chocolate coated cheese triangles
"Had to Happen" ... "sometime"
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Spoofer takes Greek Euro Notes to Germany
to spend, spend, spend!!!!!
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Twitter Worse Than Klingon
Parents say they need special classes as they try to understand what their own kids are saying.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Monica Lewinsky
Getting $3m for her new book, "Blowing the President".
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Most of the Chinese team missed the ceremonies, however, as it was after their bedtime.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Even though Adam Lambert was the only one turned on by K.D. Lang's singing
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Local Indian tribes say that if they hadn't been invited to participate, "we would have done a rain dance to melt off all the snow."
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Nancy Kerrigan tells press "It made my whole body tingle, especially my knee."
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
The traditional released doves, however, were understood by visiting Dr. Doolittle to say "shit, it's cold!"
written by unknown
"That Girl" (Monica Samille Lewinsky ) did more for big fat Cuban Cigars
than Obama has done for US Health Care
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
In an off-the-record comment Staffer says
Pelosi is a member of the "Mile High club".
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Brits Fess Up
Brits announce study of human DNA that went wrong a little over twenty years ago and produced Amy Winehouse.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Old Nudist
Old lady nudist calls police to show them the two holes where kids have been peeking and poking in.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Angry Crowds Outside
Ireland has announce that the winner of the Irish Sweepstakes is none other than the one who drew the winning ticket out of the ticket bin, Hamish McFunked.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
The Rest Of The Story
"And so, the Grinch gave the Who's 10,000 small condoms to prevent their over population problem, and the Grinch's penis grew two times as long."
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Anti-Obesity Pill
Obese Americans ask scientists why they can create a anti-depression pill and not a anti-obesity pill. "Why do you think we're depressed?"
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Arkansas #55
Arkansas Junior High school teacher caught having sex with 24-year-old, eighth grade student.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Unfaithful Following
Deere reports 4Q loss on charges, lower sales. Receives thousands of "Deere John" letters in the mail.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
You could tell it was an international event, since The United States only sent their Vice President.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
...but since when was The Riverdance supposed to represent the French Canadians?
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
I'll bet the drug testers don't have to check for marijuana since the Jamaican Bobsled Team isn't there.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Were the Indians bussed back to the reservations afterwards?
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
But instead of "Both Sides Now," shouldn't we have heard "I Believe I Can Fly" when that boy was soaring over the wheat fields?
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
...even though the cauldron is resting on a three legged stool.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
Even though most people said "Hallelujah" when manish K.D. Lang finished singing.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
But where was Dudley Dooright?
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
I didn't here "eehhh" one time.
written by unknown
The World Was Impressed By The Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies
....and no one was called a "hoser."
written by unknown
"Fine Words" and "High Expectations"
"It's not so much that I want the WH in my cabbage patch, just that I expect a larger airliner to shuttle me around than what 'He's Got'."
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Pelosi on Obama
"The President has my full support until he doesn't have my full support".
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Blue States Agree
President Barack Obama expects Americans to support sending tens of thousands more U.S. troops to Afghanistan once they understand the perils of losing our country to the Republicans.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Good For Tornadoes, Hurricanes Also
Nations builders say that they have made money by only building the basements of houses until future house sold. "We even make money of those who purchase and live in basements", say builders.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Still Need A Vacation
American travelers this summer say they may have to cut back on vacation fees. Sleep in car, eat at the missions.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Atlantis Found?
"Believers" now claiming that Atlantis was in today's Florida.
NASA: Of course it is.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Israel Ready
Israel readying new arms to meet Iran challenge. Will start with a plague of the hemorrhoids.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Just Calm Down
"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout", snagging US recovery.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
"We've Never Printed A £7,000 Bill"
Fergie's gift to Prince Andrew and a mystery over the £7,000 bill.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Avoiding Hugs
Why autistic people often avoid hugs from loved ones: "Hate old people smell, nose being gotten."
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Airlines Up Shit Creek Again
Muslims warned not to go through airport body scanners because they violate Islamic rules on nudity. "No scans, no flights" say airliners as others object to fly with anyone not scanned.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Tea Slurpers Ruining Country
Council bans drinking tea in abbey gardens over noisy slurps disrupting the 'tranquility'. Meanwhile, Beans On Toast still OK!
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
UK's Big Winner
Britain's biggest ever lottery win: One UK ticket scoops £56m EuroMillions jackpot. "Right at the time the Euro falls, that's just my luck", says winner.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Euro Dips
Euro dips as growth in currency zone grinds to a near halt. "Not worth a plug Euro" saying heard everywhere.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
No Used To Snow, Ice
Airlines cancel flights as winter storm hits South right between the legs.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Still No Extradiction
Polanski film "Those Wonderful Swiss People" debuts, Swiss vow no extradition yet.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
57 Americans Ill
CDC: Swine flu made 57 million Americans ill, nearly half with shots and heart failures over worrying.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Same Old Thing
DNA suggests even ancient man had baldness, erectile dysfunction issues. Mostly because of near death experiences daily.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
NASA Launches Observatory
NASA launches observatory to study sin..I'm sorry, that should read, "to observe sun."
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Blair Opens Tenth
Linda Blair opens up her tenth beauty salon, "Turning Heads".
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Toyota Answers Before Hearing Questions
Toyota answers Congress questions before hearings. Congress objects that "Those aren't the questions we want to ask!"
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
New Budget Taxes?
Obama says new budget taxes...I mean, rules will rein in spending.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Obama Building Nuclear Plants
Obama nuke plant loan reflects new energy strategy. "We will use what Republicans have been recommending for thirty years, to reach across the aisle."
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Gore Leaves Frozen US
Carnival erupts in Rio amid scorching heat wave. Al Gore addresses crowd while wearing only a thong.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Hid Troops Behind China
Protests on Dresden bombing anniversary! Say Hitler completely innocent.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Helping Out
Tax-exempt blonds to fund Goodwill projects. "How they earn their money is their own business", says manager.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Generally Scattered Everywhere
'Major' marijuana ring busted in Kentucky! 'General Bluegrass' still at large!
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Toyota Sued
Toyota sued in Calif. over acceleration deaths. No one saw this coming.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Hum Dinger
3-legged dog wins 1st place in NYC shelter contest. "No back legs but he's got a hummer of a dinger", says staff member.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Patrick Kennedy To Leave Office
Politics was not a smooth fit for Patrick Kennedy, as he is an honest man.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Snow Problems
Snowballs did have a chance in the South. Hawaii only state without snow but they are searching the higher areas. Not allowed to fly in one snowball.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Record Snows
Report: For the first time, 49 out of 50 states have snow cover at the same time.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Mum On The Case
Pa. police mum on motive in disabled woman's death. "Mum is almost another Monk", says police chief.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Horse Hockey For Your Honey
Love stinks! Minn. farmer creates manure valentine. Prince Charles mumbles, "Now why didn't I think of that?"
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
US Launches Project: Laser defense
Flying laser zaps missile in first for U.S. Future battles could be carried on without any troops on the ground.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Drones, Now Lasers
Flying laser zaps missile in first test for U.S. Two new factories opened to produce new weapons.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
People "Live" Here!
Olympics host Vancouver ranked world's most liveable city. "We are 100% nerd proof", claims Mayor.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Vancouver Ranked First
Olympics host Vancouver ranked world's most liveable city. "No one has ever died here", boasts Mayor.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Taliban Flight
US, Afghan troops sweep into Taliban stronghold as some escape on flying brooms.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Troops After Taliban
US, Afghan troops sweep into Taliban stronghold, then start mopping up.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Snow is Warmer
Liars at NASA have determined that laws of physics have changed as they've been saying. Snow is now warmer than before. Its temperature is proportional to the amount of easily brainwashed people.
written by David Hawkins, 13 February 2010
Pensioners World Boxing Championship
If the pensioners World Boxing Championships gets off the ground boxers will not need gum shields they will simply put their false teeth in a jar at the side of the ring.
written by SPECTRUM, 13 February 2010
Lice insist on "His and Hers" bath towels
should boost jobs in the cotton industry
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Water Molecules Demand Minimum Wage
Gordon Brown says he will look into it
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Horses seek early retirement legislation
"If humans get it, we should to", said horse spokesperson
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
"Five-foot-long crab goes on show"
Turns out to be a five foot long sub
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
"Give me a "D", Give me a "C" and
add ten feet of snow - what have you got?
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Think Tank - 'we pay them for this?"
Suggests cutting work hours to 30 minutes - "would force everyone to 'live on the job' thereby saving the environment".
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Super Fast Quake Hits 'Square Mile' -
New computer game from "Reality Sucks - Game Inc."
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Eurozone heading for the rocks
Happened as soon as somebody asked for 'Cinzano on the Rocks'
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
'Possibly in all probability' the sexiest woman on the planet is
- send $100 to find out
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
- hot commodities - blue paint - stock prices - head north
Katie Price dyes her cannons blue
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Stock prices are growing through the roof
Vis-à-vis Gail Porter Enterprises
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Gail Porter launches new "hair growth formulation"
"It worked for me, Maybe Baby it will work for you."
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Gizza your job Prison Governor
Sixth Former Found Guilty of Stabbing her Boyfriend plans to study Best Prison Practice inside slammer.
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Megan Fox glows HOTTER
Insists on sultry poses in Polar Ice Cap clothing, "Yes, I'M HOT HOT HOT - in such warm clothing anyone would be hot".
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Gordon Brown in Blue on Blue incident
Aping Gail Porter - GB has his hair dyed bright blue.
written by Tcoah, 13 February 2010
Day 3 of Winter Olympic Opening Ceremonies
The Ceremonies has stretched into its 3rd day as a very sleepy crowd looks on. The athlete flag parade is only in the "F" countries, with seemingly made up ones like, "Fudgeland", and "Funkistan".
written by Nik Voelz, 13 February 2010
FCC Looking Into Matter
ABC News says someone hacked their news cast when Diane Sawyer apparently stated the seven words that George Carlin stated you cannot say on television.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
MORE SNOW!
The Weather Channel accused of seeding snow clouds to up viewership!
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Could Have Picked Up L. Ron Hubbard
Muslims riot over President Obama using copy of Koran to kill fly during speech about the world's religions and their books.
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Amazing Discovery
Previously Undiscovered Amazon Tribe do not have a word for
"farfegnugen".
written by Bureau, 13 February 2010
Lloyd - Webber Missus Gutted
F++k - Toadlike Hubby May Live!
written by Blazing Saddle, 13 February 2010
