New Chain Steakhouses to Open Soon
1000 new jobs will be created next year when a chain of 50 Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses will open across the country. They will be especially for people who love meat tender.
written by IN SEINE, 07 December 2010
Kevin Smith Too Fat to Fly
Kevin Smith was kicked off a flight for being too fat, and now he can't even get felt up by TSA workers. "This is discrimination, please touch my rolls." Mr. Smith yelled.
Willie Nelson's Pot Smoking Finally Catches up to Him
Pot smoking is the cause of Willie Nelson losing his favorite guitar. "I know I put it right next to my pipe, and I lost my favorite pipe, too." Willie denies pot smoking is bad for his memory.
Wikileaks to release porn movie 'Men at work'
Wikileaks shocking disclosure, 'President Barack Obama is a hermaphrodite!' Ex President GW Bush reacted quickly by saying "I knew that!" Wikileaks now to release gay 'it' porn movie of the pair.
Bristol Denys Rumors She Put Weight On
Bristol Palin denies she put weight on while doing Dancing with the Stars, but admitted that she felt depressed about her mom's latest political moves.
Kelsey Grammer Finds Gold Digger in Future Wife
Kelsey Grammer found a gold digger in future wife number four. She is almost thirty and looking to get more acting jobs thanks to her relationship with Mr. Grammer.
Jane Fonda Releases New Workout Video
Jane Fonda is releasing a new workout DVD called "Don't Break a Hip" that targets an older audience that still wants to act like they are fifty.
Game of Cat and Mouse
David Icke says Julian Assange is a shape shifting mouse and Rupert Murdoch is a shape shifting cat, David said "Basically its a game of cat and mouse."
Julian Assange arrested
Julian was arrested in the UK, after a court hearing he'll be handed over to the American authorities, followed by the Iranian, Russian, Saudi Arabian and Turkish authorities for further questioning.
From Hot to Not
After tearing #1 on the charts, WikiLeaks now trending towards crashing bore.
Ultimate WikiLeaks Shock
Secret recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken to be released soon.
US Unemployment figures down after TSA introduces new 'pat-down' policy
Over a million new jobs created within a month, most of them in TSA alone, as 'pat-down' is extended to malls and parks.
written by Hawking's Chair, 07 December 2010
Princess Anne Tweet
Told am playing a camel in this year's Boxing Day Family panto. Again.
Stern Has Paycut?
Howard Stern may have to take a paycut. Says he has enough in the "bad word" box to make up for it.
Don't Toy Around with my Food
New study suggests the real reason Democratic liberal San Francisco CA City Council is against kids eating in fast food restaurants. When they grow up the kids become Republican conservatives!
Breaking the Wind Barrier
A small group of environmentalists wants a blue state legislature to have utilities invest in wind power. The wind would be generated by the state mandating all citizens eat beans twice per day!
Just Horsing Around
Slot machine gambling at race tracks was supposed to save the horse racing industry of a blue state, noted for racing. The state now has casino gambling, but the race tracks may declare bankruptcy!
Democratic Liberals Push On-Line Gambling
Democrat's new strategy gives money to low income people who don't pay taxes, so they gamble it away. Then collect taxes on all transactions & blame Republican casino owners for exploiting the poor!
Democrats attract people who think the federal government should give them everything. When these Democrats discover they can do better without having to pay high taxes, they become Republicans!
Congress Plans Ahead
The Sun will burn out in 5 billion years! The new US Congress, in January 2011, is to take up this vexing problem to avoid leaving the issue to a lame duck session 4,999,999,999 years from now!
Jeter Rolling In It!
Derek Jeter has agreed to a 3-year contract with the N.Y. Yankees that will pay him an estimated $51 million. With that amount of money, it is a fact that he could take Paris Hilton for a fun weekend.
Polanski Wins Award
Roman Polanski wins best European picture award with his movie, "Lolitas Little Sister"
Can't Print Money
Government can't print money properly. May bring in some of the best retired counterfeiters.