Secret message From Rihanna to Drake Revealed.
written by anthonyrosania, 29 December 2010
Rowling's Bird Baths
The world's most expensive bird baths designed, by Damien Hirst, have been installed at Rowling's mansion in Edinburgh. Rowling warned grounds staff - "It can be used by all birds... except sparrows!"
And As Richard Dawson On "Family Feud" Used To Say, "Survey Says..."
A survey that was recently taken in Minneapolis, Minnesota showed that 90 percent of all people surveyed hate the hell out of being surveyed.
Snowed In Airports Are Reporting Cases of A New Malady
Travelers at many airports that have been shut down due to snow are becoming so frustrated, irritable, and depressed that they are coming down with what airport officials are calling "Airline Flu."
Meanwhile At The Doghouse
During Atlanta Falcons game, Michael Vick was sacked six times...thrown into river.
The Reason Frozen Critter, Alaska Is Saying Bye-Bye To Next Year's Christmas
The little town of Frozen Critter, Alaska is considering cancelling Christmas next year. It seems the FCPD reported way too many cases of people driving snow sleds while intoxicated.
It Sure Does Look Like The Bro's and The Sista's Still Don't Like The KKK
The Ku Klux Klan says that they will be closing down their branch office in Detroit. A KKK spokesperson said that they just got sick and tired of 'someone' stealing their KKK signs.
The Swiss government has announced that due to the ever increasing noise pollution, yodeling will only be allowed between the hours of 12 noon to 4 p.m.
Costa Rica Has Stated That Their Sno-Cone Industry Is In "Hot Water."
Costa Rica has contacted the state of New York about purchasing some of their snow. They said that it needs the snow because of their languishing sno-cone industry due to the country's ice shortage.
Researchers: Ancient human remains found in Israel could be that of Methuselah.
Pakistan Is Sick and Tired of People "Zoom-Zooming."
The citizens of Pakistan are angry at Osama Bin Laden because everyone in the world gets on the Internet and zooms in on their country hoping to find Bin Laden and collect the $50 million reward.
You Won't Guess What The TSA Is Going To Make Pilots Do
The TSA is extremely upset over the uncooperative pilots union in regards to 'Pat Downs.' So it is seriously considering mandating that all pilots must carry cameras hidden in their underwear.
Twas The Season of The Forgottens
Lou Dobbs was reportedly spotted shopping at Macy's over the Christmas holidays with Roman Polanski, Dick Cheney, and Cloris Leachman.
Hillary Clinton's "Pass It On" Comment On Her Weight Gain
Hillary Clinton admitted that yes, it's true she has put on a little weight, but smiled and pointed out, "But nowhere near as much as that little chubby cha cha cha "Bristol The Pistol" Palin has."
Betting On Replayed Races
Judge OKs plan to bet on replayed races in KY...but first reminds them not to bet on same horse that lost during the first showing.
Family Feud Delays Burial
Family feud delays former Venezuelan president's burial. Long time quiz show has always been popular there.
Wind Key Factor
Maine resort: Wind was key factor in chair lift accident. Also lack of nets below demanded by OSHA.
Baby boomers fear outliving Medicare program, poll says. President assures them that will never happen with the new "Put-Down" policy in his health plan.
New York's Mayor Bloomberg under fire for handling of blizzard...no pun intended.
NFL fines Brett Favre $ 50K for sending photos of his genitalia
"No one wants to see pictures of that old relic of a Viking," said Jenn Sterger who received the photos on her smart phone. It wasn't clear whether she meant Favre or his Johnson.
written by JAB, 29 December 2010
"Hillary" Robs Bank!
Man in Hillary mask robs bank...ducking bullets all the way to awaiting helicopter.
Brett Favre Fined, Learns Lesson
Brett Favre fined $50,000 for Sterger incident, not suspended! He immediately files for bankruptcy!
NYC airports struggle with backlogs
NYC airports are struggling with back logs as hundreds of stranded passengers cause massive toilet overflow problems.
Danish police say Muhammad cartoon plot was 'Mickey Mouse' operation
Watch out Mark!
written by pinxit, 29 December 2010
Miranda Hart on the loose
Since growing to 36 feet and escaping armed guard Ms Hart has caused destruction in her hunt for a boyfriend,she was last seen climbing the Shard in London with Frankie Boyle in her hand.
written by paddy stash, 29 December 2010
Discovered By Accident
Experiments test if wearing a Groucho Marx mask to bed can block sleep apnea.
K.Middleton statue being sculptured after Tussaud's wax figure
A new K. Middleton statue will have a retro-soviet touch.It will include gold wings,clenched-fist,and a bare bosom over a boiler suit. A Royal decree has ordered replicas to be erected across the land
written by Big Bunny News, 29 December 2010
Northern Ireland Has A Water Shortage Crisis
Plenty of whiskey though - so no problem.
written by Skoob1999, 29 December 2010
The Reason That The Detroit Automakers Are Working Like Hell
Detroit automakers are working diligently on developing a car with three tires in order to save on tire air, which is predicted to triple in price by 2012.
Brrrrrrrr! That's It - The Philadelphia Eagles Announce They Will Be Moving South!
The NFL Philadelphia Eagles ownership has stated that after the season the team will be moving to Nuevo Laredo, Mexico, to avoid all the damn snow and game postponing.
Is The Ku Klux Klan Opening Up A Chapter In Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska?
The Ku Klux Klan has refused Alaska's offer to form a KKK chapter in the "Iceberg State." A KKK spokesperson said it would be a total waste of time and money since there ain't no Blacks in Alaska.
The Damn Good News Is That There Is Oil On The Moon!
NASA has discovered that there's oil on the moon which could be drilled for 5 cents per barrel. The only problem is that the pipeline from the moon to Earth is estimated to cost around $983 trillion.
The Tucson Tea Bag Party Does Not Want Anyone To Confuse Who They Are
The political Tucson Tea Bag Party has asked that people not confuse them with The Tulsa Tea Bag Party, which actually deals with things of a tea nature.
Rowling Sex Change
J.K.Rowling's sex-change operation to be filmed live on the Oprah Winfrey Show. "Jo" says "It will be a huge relief for everybody especially my former husband". Warner has bought rights to the video.
Potter The Opera Arrives
London: Plans to stage "Potter the Magic" opera, music by Sir Elton John, lyrics by C.S. Lewis, are well advanced. Anglophile Russell Crowe, desperate for knighthood, insists on playing "Potter".
Hague on Gay Rights
First Secretary of State William Hague is said could go either way along with the PM on the gay rights vote.
written by Inchcock, 29 December 2010
You Knew it was going to Happen Again
The environmental left wing nuts were on the Sunday TV talk shows blaming the US east coast snowstorms on global warming! They also believe menopausal hot flashes are a consequence of climate change!
Horses Make a Comeback
Environmentalists are upset about the use of salt to melt snow and ice on roads. States that have appreciable snow falls agree to begin using organic horse manure during the winter of 2011-2012!
The End is in Sight
Toilet paper testers strike for recognition as skilled professional specialized workers. The group feels that management doesn't give a crap about them!
This Pie has a Funny Odor
Former HML Pelosi ordered a "surprise pie" at a Washington DC restaurant. She called over the chef asking what was in the pie. He said "you have to eat the pie so that you can find out what's in it!"
Dogs and Cats
President Obama agreed with the NFL for reinstating Michael Vick, forgiving the football player's transgressions with dogs. The president forgave Hugh Hefner for his transgressions with cats!
The King Needs Political Cover for Stopping Oil Drilling
King Obama I to replace the head clown at the Dept. of the Interior with another Bozo. There was a moratorium in 2009 when oil was $33 a barrel & similarly a stoppage in 2010 when oil is $91 a barrel!
Gibbs says Obama's Cabinet will not Change
Then why was a Ringling Brother's representative overheard at the White House holding discussions about replacing the head clowns at USDOT, EPA, Interior, Homeland Security, and FCC!
The ship of state with Ensign Obama at the helm hits the financial rocks. Department officers at the Fed, HHS, USDOT, EPA, DOI, & FCC may climb down the anchor chain or face House arrest & hearings!
Big Momma is Watching
The first lady has mandated that Americans brush their teeth, use mouthwash to fight bad breath and prevent athlete's foot. President Obama asks the FDA to hire 20,000 new federal inspectors!
HHS Reverses Policy
HHS asks the FDA to encourage Americans to eat more lard, fatty fast food and double cheeseburgers. The new voluntary end of life counseling rule will then allow reducing Obamacare costs earlier!
There's That Damn Foot-in-Mouth Disease Again
VP Bidden says Americans are reaching a consensus on same sex marriage! The only consensus reached by the American people is that the Democratic liberal far left VP's foot is still stuck in his mouth!