Cher in trouble with French unions
After Burlesque, Cher is facing trouble on her French tour as protesters against the reduction of the age of retirement blockade her concerts saying they are nothing but cheap government propaganda.
written by Big Bunny News, 20 December 2010
No more Mary Poppins?
Childrens'Xmas TV may be be ruined this year after a close-up inspection of an up-skirt shot of Mary Poppins flying shows that she is a trany.
written by Big Bunny News, 20 December 2010
At Last! 8
They were fucking sitting on it all this time!
written by armfeetandtoe, 20 December 2010
Bones found on South Pacific Island are Jimmy Hoffa's
Bones, on Nikumaroro Island, thought to be Amelia Earhart's, are Jimmy Hoffa's last seen in 1975.Said, Vinnie 'Stinky' Mozzarella, "Jimmy always liked to get away to go fishin',so I ain't surprised"
written by JAB, 20 December 2010
Irish clergy seeks Vatican help
Father Mulcahy, spokesman for the clergy is asking the Vatican's help in their campaign of 'Don't ask, Pray tell.'
written by JAB, 20 December 2010
Assange accuses Swedish authorities of leaks
Wikileaks founder Julian Assange claims, "Leaks that leaks from my main squeeze may be HIV positive are prejudicial leaks, now piss off I've got to take a leak."
written by JAB, 20 December 2010
India beg UK for some snow!
Affluent Indians are begging (?) the UK to send them over some of their unwanted snow, it would be the first time in Indian history that they would enjoy something "White"!
written by unknown
Military to Spend $3M Relabeling Rest Rooms after DADT Repealed!
Facilities will now be labled M, F, and WTF!
written by unknown
DADT Enables More Soldiers to Take Second Jobs!
Increase of Mary Kay salesmen soar as 'makeover' parties come out of the closet, and top Tier Sales Leaders now permitted to register their Pink Cadillacs at US Bases.
written by unknown
Iran attacts Assange
Iranian Pres. Ahmadinerjacket denounces Wikileaks as a "Hindu-Jewish plot," and warns Australia that it is well within reach of Persian missiles.
written by Big Bunny News, 20 December 2010
DADT Now Responsible for more PC Regulations!
In addition to listing next of kin and Fox Hole Buddies, there is a new requirement to list 'arse hole' buddies when considering room mate assignments.
written by unknown
DADT and Unintended Consequences!
Hundreds of Gays in the Military who had been forced to keep their mouths shut, now spending off hours doing nothing but 'flapping their gums!"
written by unknown
Sweden Set to Indict Hundreds of Brits!
Swedish Tourist Bureau leading the charge against traveling Brits who continue to pour into the country with out their rubbers despite forecasts by Travel Agents promisinga "wet visit."
written by unknown
FIFA Adopts new Acronym!
According to Miffed Brits from Manchester, the World Cup Group will now be known as the "Fuck It & Forget About It" Corrupt C***s.
written by unknown
Prince Charles Not Invited to Kate & Wills Wedding Either!
Charlie says he'll probably attend the NBA finals with Barry & Michelle in the US, were he'll later announce his future abdication on the Piers Morgan Show and then spend the day with Oprah.
written by unknown
Father of 19 Spawns 6 more during White Out in UK!
With buses delayed, queues longer, more girls with attention deficit syndrome getting bored faster and are ready to jump on any bone thrown their way to pass the time.
written by unknown
LPGA Drops 'female by birth' clause; Chaos Ensues!
Officals say it wasn't bad enough they had to check on illegal grooves in their wedges, now they've got to check applicants for their putter!
written by unknown
Snippet KIng Writes Snippet
A man who, only last week, was proclaimed Snippet King on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com has, this morning, written a snippet.
written by Monkey Woods, 20 December 2010
Obama Talks to Dan Rather & Gets in Hawaiian Spirit!
When asked his reaction to rejection by 60% of US Taxpayers, Barry blew a smoke ring into the camera and said forcefully: "Fuck 'em Dano!"
written by unknown
India confirmed as "World's hugest Rubbish Tip"!
India have won a global, very prestigious prize; they've been confirmed as the earth's hugest rubbish tip by the UN! India is very proud of their latest achievement, Green Peace think it stinks!
written by unknown
So Farewell, Captain Beefheart.
Sorry - I only saw your obits today.
And sorry - I just never got it, although I gather I should have.
written by Ellis Ian Fields, 20 December 2010
Charles finally relents on Santa Claus
"I tried!" exclaimed Prince Charles after admitting he could no longer believe in the concept of a Father Christmas delivering thousands of presents on Christmas Eve. Easter bunny is still a def maybe
written by whatinthe world, 20 December 2010
Sweden To Sue Assange For Blow-job
Whistle-blower may face additional charges for blowing whistle without wearing a condom.
written by Hawking's Chair, 20 December 2010
Consequences of Gas Emissions
EPA has banned human gas emissions as being harmful. OSHA has now followed suit, citing safety concerns that people will trample each other trying to leave an inner room that has only a single exit!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Swedish Sex Police
SVEN: Helga let's sleep together! HELGA: Sven that was wonderful, but you are under arrest as I am a member of the "undercover sex police" and you didn't use a condom!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Hello Parents
A prudish women's group is upset over kids being taken to Hooters for lunch. The group issued an instruction book aimed at the kids that is about not looking or touching the waitress's tatas!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Dumb Question
San Francisco CA man arrested for lewd behavior. He asked a hobby store saleslady if she had the Chia Pet for a pussy!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Nightmare on Elm Street
DAUGHTER: Why can't I go to college? DADDY: It's because I don't have a job and you are not the child of an illegal immigrant!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
The Takers Want More
Rep. Frank got people into homes they should never have been in. Banks extended/modified mortgages & these people are upset they still can't pay. So are people upset who paid mortgages for 30 years!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
I'm from the Government……
USDOT desires an alcohol detection meter be implanted in the foreheads of all Americans over 18 years of age to help reduce drunk driving! A cell phone detection implant is also being considered!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Happy Holidays
Republicans take the US House, giving President Obama and HS Pelosi a lump of coal for Christmas. Obama administration fruitcakes get cabinet secretaries for Christmas, oops!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Obama's Miniature Golf Course
Course includes Biden foot-in mouth saloon, Obamacare loop the loop, Stimulus money pit, cash for clunkers windmill, illegal immigrant wishing well & Pelosi little red school house (being torn down)!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Idle Promises
Democratic liberal far left members of the 112th Congress take a lesson from President Obama and add "bipartisan" to their vocabulary, including crossed fingers behind their backs (nullification)!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Move to the Right
Republicans may take over the US Senate in 2011. Rumors are circulating that many conservative Democrats may really become "bipartisan" as President Obama advises, by moving across the aisle!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
It's Not Obama's Money
Where do the Democratic far left liberal loons get the notion that money derived from taxing high income people who work hard belongs to the federal government to be redistributed to freeloaders?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
The Wimpy Pulpit
President Obama rails against Congressional Earmarks, but continues to sign all Democratic sponsored bills put in front of him, regardless of fiscal implications. The veto pen must be out of ink!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
A Road Paved With Good Intentions
Congress has substantially reduced the amount of lead to be allowed in drinking water plumbing fixtures, a good idea. However trial lawyers are salivating over potential class action law suits!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Naivety in Chief
Pres. Obama is naïve to believe US unilateral nuclear disarmament will solve proliferation problems. N Korea, Iran, Syria, Pakistan & Islamic terrorists will not follow suit to reject nuclear weapons!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Democratic Hypocrites Heard from Again
It was OK that federal courts could rule on "Don't Ask Don't Tell" as being unconstitutional! It's not OK for the federal courts to rule on "Obamacare's financial mandates" as being unconstitutional!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
A Giant Step for……..
President Obama saves the USA from using the MUTE control by signing legislation to keep a commercial's audio volume the same as the program's audio volume!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Oops Do-Over Required
President Obama forgets to sign the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" legislation before he goes on his Hawaiian vacation and then Congress adjourns for the year! (Look up pocket veto.)
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
It's Still the Economy, Stupid
The 9.8% of the US work force that are unemployed will be happy to have their children eat the non-nutritional food that the $5 billion new "School Nutrition/childhood Obesity Program" eliminates!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
A Not so Perfect Match
President Obama wants to appoint former HS Pelosi to be the superintendant of the Guantanamo Bay terrorist prison. All the inmates said they would commit suicide and thus the facility could close!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
A Perfect Match
President Obama appoints former HS Pelosi to be the superintendant of Washington DC's sanitary waste systems. She is very knowledgeable about s**t that the American people have rejected!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Another Perfect Match
Pres. Obama plans to reopen the American Embassy in Tehran. He offered the Ambassador's position to former HS Pelosi, as a counterpoint to Iranian President Ahmadinejad. She said no to being exiled!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 20 December 2010
Princess Anne Tweet
Better get that chainsaw I asked for.
written by Catherine the Average, 20 December 2010
Report: 87% of Populace Unsure What to Do In Hypothetical Situations
LONDON - According to a report by Imperial Col., nearly 90% of people don't know what to do in a hypothetical situation. Also, nine in four people don't know ratios, and 5-thirds don't know fractions.
written by Inhopeless, 20 December 2010
Language Sensitivity Reaches New Low
Anti-Postal Defamation League denounces term "going postal"
Anti-Virus Defamation League denounces term "going viral"
Anti-Elizabethan Pamphleteering Defamation League denounces term "going rogue"
written by SpaceElevator, 20 December 2010
Sign of the times
In 3000 BC men who heard the voice of God were called prophets and honored
Today men who hear voices are called schizophrenics and medicated
written by shea lo, 20 December 2010
Unique Stocking Stuffer Ideas...
a hamster, a goldfish, a rainbow, a severed fruitcake, a cheeseburger, a bowl of soup, a taco, a French horn, another stocking, a starfish, a snowball, a dart board, a spare tire, sauerkraut, money...
written by SpaceElevator, 20 December 2010
