More cubic zirconia than a genuione sparkler
David Cameron = Carve Diamond
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Kiri Te Kanawa still ended up giving him the bum's rush
David Cameron = Romanced Diva
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Someone's been pulling his leg about being the next PM
David Cameron = Random Advice
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Nicolas Sarkozy claims He's Grown 'an inch.'
The 5'3" President of France says "those male enhancement pills really do work!"
Rest of world disagrees saying, "he's still just a little prick!"
written by unknown
Claims of Increased Suicide at European Theme Park Dismissed as "Just Goofy!"
To date 3 workers citing stress have died. One hung in tunnel of love, one jumped in front of Tour Train, one choked himself on cotton candy. Does 40 hours work a month constitute stress in France?
written by unknown
EPA Mandate Bans Tanks; Calls for Expansion of 7th Calvary!
The fatwa of 35MPG calls for all vehicles and motorized weapons to be scrapped by 2016. Wild Horse futures spiral from $29 lb. processed, to $55,000 for model with saddle and ready to go out the barn.
written by unknown
Obama Looses Track of Himself at NC Rally over Tax Question
Responding to the question of 'why more taxes', Barry rambled for 17 minutes and 2500 words before asking the now slumbering the audience:"What was that question again?"
written by unknown
4 More Spring Breakers Lose Their Heads in Mexico, Torsos Missing!
Obama, Clinton & Napilatano say they'll look into it as soon as they find their own ass, adding," WTF, health care can't help them now, what's the rush?"
written by unknown
Parsnips Conquer All
For Capricorn, an obsession with a bald schoolgirl dressed in SS uniform will lead to an encounter with a magistrate. Married Pisceans will enjoy anal sex with a dwarf pork butcher or a Mauritanian dung-merchant.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Falstaff Would Have Known What To Do
Vinophile
with Victor Ludorum
Tasted the legendary Black Wine of Plugy at Philippe Jouffe's Mougeronne Estate last week. A tar, truffle, turps and table-varnish nose presaged the fearsome mare's rectum palate.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Barytes Association Bars Clown
...of Henry Morton Stanley. Diana Dors had two imaginary Tasmanian Echidnas. Actress and Singer Marlene Dietrich kept an imaginary Deep Sea Angler Fish in a glass of brine. Rumours that Little Tich had a...
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Even Joe Biden winced when he heard the words of
Archbishop of Canterbury
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Archbishop of Canterbury and Dubai
should head off together into the sunset never to be seen again
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Home and Hearth
with Auntie Jean
Last week's recipe for sweated cod haunch can be found in my fish bible, "Eye To Eye With Haddock, Cod and Plaice" by Daisy Milkstand. Nest week, chums, I will show you how to make a knitted walrus for a cretinous adult child.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Capital punishment grand finale?
Hung Parliament = Terminal Hangup
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Home and Hearth
with Auntie Jean
Another up-to-the-minute idea is to add a snood to a favourite beanie. Wear the beanie well back on the head and a snood about 8 inches wide netted or crocheted on - so much more fashionable than an arc-welded snood.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
MPs in trouble about that Tiger Woods business
Hung Parliament = Panther Mauling
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Home and Hearth
with Auntie Jean
Row 3. Purl. Decorate the crown with rings of weasels or milkmaids. 3rd and 4th rows. Cast on 35 sts. and K2 row. K3, then rep from * of 2nd row throughout. Draw the prongs across. Row 34 Purl.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
MPs precious about their bling
Hung Parliament = Platinum Hanger
written by queen mudder, 04 April 2010
Around the Districts
Canterford-with-Lully Mayor Abelard Siskin has appealed for more volunteers to help create a spectacular border for the Erskine Memorial Gardens, saying: "Whoever Erskine was, I am sure he would have appreciated a colourful border."
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Lest We Forget to Remember to Forget
More from the memorial library of late avant-garde craft manual author Herge Dumpfelmaus: How to Deflect Bees, Make Your Own Pockets: A Pocket Guide, and How To Live Without Cabbage.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Two things you can be sure about
(1) An unlimitless supply of sheer crass stupidity at the Welsh Assembly government; and (2) another 10 years of being at the bottom of the UK economic barrel c/o WAG.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
When a WAG Assembly Member was promoted to
Minister - thought he was being enrolled to star in a miniseries on ABC.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
WAG ministers advised to marry their secretaries
"As many as possible" before they take up their ministerial appointments.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Said Minister for "Innovation"
"I just don't see it myself." Comment from Welsh Minister of Innovation when shown a message written in invisible ink.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Body-Politik "Has Rigor Mortis"
Home and Hearth
with Auntie Jean
Crocheted, netted or knitted, a snood is always a stylish way to order those shoulder-length tresses. I'm knitting one for Malcolm. Just make sure you use Bungworth's No 3 needles.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Interesting TV fact #4
Kate Gosselin is the only television personality right now getting high ratings because of her non-talents, like parenting and dancing, instead of things she can do well.
written by Charpa93, 04 April 2010
There's only one thing more stupid than Dubai authorities
That's the alleged "dick for brains" who want to keep 1.5 million tons of water above hundreds of homes and a school in Llanishen Cardiff.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Man Falls Upstairs
Aries singlewtons are advised to steer clear of clown tailors. For Librans, deja vu may be experienced in an encounter with a branding iron. Porthmadog is a no-go area for Sagittarians with duck's disease.
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
Dictionary definition of "To doo-BEYE"
Slang for 'doing a month in Dubai' for kissing in Dubai. Two months if you are French, four months if you are French and get caught French kissing your partner.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Post-Prandial Torpor Strikes Tapir
Zither-Queen Elspeth Fustian's Plymouth recital of her own settings of Ecuadorian War Poetry was described by the Clymplympleigh & Moretonhamplympton Advertiser as "Utterly original. Nearly music."
written by Erskin Quint, 04 April 2010
'Wagging the Dubai tail'
Welsh Assembly Government's (WAG) "innovation department" in big deal to supply kissing detection equipment to doo-BEYE.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
French worried
Dubai authorities threaten "chopped off hands" for French kissing - French Embassy asks for immediate clarification.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Iceland Bankruptcy Crisis Solved?
The Dubai Martini and Olive Corporation make offer to buy all assets at 2p per cube. Icelanders shaken but not stirred by the news.
written by Cuff, 04 April 2010
WAG Minister has lost "all credibility''
The Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams said WAG's Innovation Minister has lost "all credibility" as evidenced by a Welsh economy at the bottom of the UK barrel.
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Dubai authorities puzzled as tourism numbers fall off a cliff
Of course has nothing to do with a Dubai court jailing a British couple who kissed in a restaurant. No Sir!
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Joe Biden Asked for Clarification on 'Catch and Release' of Pirates
His response to 'Due Process' question: "Isn't that the wet stuff in the morning on the White House lawn?"
written by Cuff, 04 April 2010
Local Hairdresser Goes 20 minutes without asking about Customer's Travel Plans
Local hairdresser Sharon Plonker beat the hairdressing world record for the longest uninterrupted period without saying "Are you going anywhere nice on your holidays?".
written by unknown
Police Charge Local Man
"They just came up to me and started rubbing balloons on my sweater and then stuck it to my forehead", he said.
Police say they were doing a fun 'Science experiment' on electrical charges.
written by unknown
Flames of Passion Blamed For Woman's Burnt Underwear
Local Woman Priscilla DuBois has blamed her insatiable sex cravings on a series of bizarre spontaneous knickers combustion episodes.
written by unknown
Lady Gaga breaks into womens prison after raunchy video!
Lady Gaga loved shooting her video in the women's prison so much she decided to BREAK IN! PUSSY GALORE she squealed and hasn't been seen since!
written by unknown
US Prison Bitches form a union and the Aryan Brotherhood police it!
Prison Bitches in the US are sick of sexual abuse and GANG BANGS, they've formed a union called the BFPBU! (guess what that means!). Aryan Brothers are policing it as long as the Bitches are WHITE!
written by unknown
Hard Decisions
69 or .9%
Alpha or Omega? Marbles or a slice of chocolate cake? Singapore or Fairly's Rusks? Gordon Brown or Cameron?
Obama or the end of America?
written by Tcoah, 04 April 2010
Many states change official mottos and symbols
The new state motto in Arkansas is "Attention Walmart Shoppers."
written by unknown
