In The Personals
Personal Classified: Single Mom, 34 with one son, now 12. Love my life so don't come calling around here you bunch of macho male shitheads. 86613B
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Pluto Still Pissed
Hubble telescope shows that Pluto is "crawling with aliens" after sending out invitations once it was dismissed as a planet
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Will Bill Pass?
Nancy Pelosi wants Congress to pass the health care bill with big margin but Republicans say they'd sooner pass a kidney stone.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Protection On The Beach
Two-year-old sitting on beach under beach umbrella with cap, goggles, bell around neck, tied to mom and heavily sun-screened while his mother gets a tan, eats thirteen cigarette butts.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Picasso's Sketch Identified.
French police are still searching for a thief who stole a notebook full of Picasso's sketches. After talking with several people on the street, three winos identified one sketch as their friend, Joe.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Both Making Honking Noises
Captain Sullenberger finally admits that he and co-pilot were flying with wild geese in formation on a lark when they suddenly were forced to land plane in Hudson.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Quentin Tarantino buys Bordello Falls from The Spoof
Tarantino, pissing in his pants with laughter has bought the Bordello Falls rights, lock, stock & Barrel. Filming will commence soon, he promises blood, whores and Spoof xtras doing the CAN-CAN!
written by unknown
Holiday Reminder From Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart reminds her audience on show special to not waste those thanksgiving leftovers. "Place them in a box and ship them to Kirstie Alley."
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Foreman Really Really Retires
George Foreman finally gives up on boxing comeback after forgetting to wear his depends during sparing match.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
College Athletes Love "Special Math Class"
Poll: Number one subject favored by college athletes this year is once again, Special Math: "Why 3-Pointer Are Better Than 2-Pointers! & How To Give 110%.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Imogen Thomas - Always In
When "break up is hard to do" - "Stay Inside," says Imogen Thomas - "Inside half" is the best position in a relationship heading south."
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Protesters Arrested
Protesters arrested at Senator Lieberman's office, including Nancy Pelosi, after Senator says he will vote against health care bill.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
WMD's Found In Iraq
Weapons of mass destruction finally found in Iraq at former cigarette factory as chemicals scattered everywhere.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Nice Warm Puppies
For Sale: Five cute little mixed German Shepherd/Poodle/Boots next door/breed unknown puppies for five cents each OBO!
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Go Forth Young Gay Man!
Personal: Look Who's Gay! Our Gary Allen Rogers! From Mumsey. Now get out of that closet and basement and fly from the nest!
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Stella McCartney and Lindsay Lohan
Fashion guru: "Getting hard to tell them apart."
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Mental Cruelty
Headteacher suspended at school 'where naughty pupils were locked in cupboard...names sent to Santa!
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
"Mariah Carey Sofas"
"For some reason sofa buyers relate to Mariah Carey when they are sofa shopping," said happy sofa vendor.
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Gotcha!
'Human Ticket Machine': Traffic warden on course to hand out record-breaking 2,000 tickets in his first year on the job, mostly in the "4 MPH Zone".
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Russian Ice Breaker Patents "Hot Women"
Nickname for thermo devices, "We throw them over the side to melt the ice."
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Psychic Informs Police
Police launch £20,000 murder probe after psychics tell them suicide man's ghost said: 'I was strangled by gangsters'. Then drops case after three other ghosts appear and say he's a liar.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Formerly Dead Doing Better
Brazil bricklayer 'killed' in car crash stuns grieving family, by turning up at his own funeral. "Well, there goes the insurance money!" and loud wailing heard out into the street.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Can't Even Brag On The Lad
Couple who 'named and shamed' yob on boarded-up window told by police it harms his 'civil liberties', even though the sign stated "(yob's name) the best rock thrower ever!"
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Rooky Stage Hand Asked to Bring Fan into Mariah Carey's Dressing Room
Came back empty handed. Said stage hand: "I couldn't find a fan anywhere - so I put a wig and some makeup on and pretended to be a loyal fan."
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Wireless Laptop Inadvertently Lands Airbus
Boy playing "Air Combat" landed Northwestern Airbus. Said startled passenger: "We only knew that something was up when we landed and joined a line of parked National Guard F16s"
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Everyone Knows that Everything on Spoof
is fictitious; in fact, the opposite is true. Spoof snippet reads: "Welsh Assembly Government Brings Full Employment and Common Sense Politics to Wales."
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Yankees Are Best Team Money Can Buy!
The New York Yankees won the World Series for the 27th time in baseball history, proving that they are the best team money can buy.
written by Paris Silton, 05 November 2009
Nancy Pelosi Unconsciously Repeats Baghdad Bob's Lines
"The information was correct, but the interpretation was not," Pelosi on GOP's win in NJ.
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Mulder and Scully "Together Again"
Welsh Police Force has requested the aid of S&M in their investigation into the methane gas main explosion in Merthyr Tydfil.
written by Tcoah, 05 November 2009
Verical Trampoline
Classifieds: For sale: One Vertical exercise trampoline with wall mounts. Take the challenge. (Never buy anything off TV ad) $10. Not responsible for accidents. 66878R.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Mattress Offer
Can't sleep at night? Come try our new mattresses. Women only. Third house on right on Burley Street, Festerham On Evon. First customer gets free police ankle bracelet, slightly damaged.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
New Tee Shirt Sale
Tired on being unnoticed? Purchase one of our, "Hey Look! Nothing On But A Tee Shirt! tee shirts. Only $10. 77641B
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
No More Overpopulation Worries
New study says the world not need to worry about overpopulation any longer. Global warming, war, meteor impacts, volcanoes, food shortages,alien invasions will limit growth to -50%.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Free Wheelchair
Lightweight foldable wheelchair, seldom used. Come get it as I don't need it anymore since I won the lawsuit.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Free Toy Car
For sale: "Little-Taliban's Suicide Bomber Car. Still in box received. Ticks. Free to good home. 5445A
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Woman Seeking Woman
Woman seeks another woman to discuss those idiot husbands, boyfriends. Call on TheSpoof, Ask for #10 in Box 549.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Red #1 Color!
Poll: Most males say they prefer women wearing red clothing, but flesh color in thongs.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
All-Round Table For Sale!
Combination dining, pool and sex table for sale at reduced price. Slightly used, some staining. Call: 270-4444-10A3.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
A Great Match!
Female seeking male who is sending in classifieds looking for female. Box 20199A.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
"Watch Out, Bookworm Going To Get Burned"
Lawmakers seek ban on laptops in airliner cockpits as sleep deprived pilots confuse games with actual landings.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Swine FluJumps Species
Officials: Swine flu confirmed in Iowa cat, Tuscon, Arizona Chupacabra"
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Help For "Uninsurables"
Democrats' plan to help 'uninsurables' questioned as they will no longer have to go around ringing bells and yelling, "Uninsurable! Uninsurable!"
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Ecstacy, Steroids In The Bronx
Ecstasy, Steroids in the Bronx! Yankees purchase title No. 27!
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Bonuses Still Up!
Wall Street bonuses seen up 40 percent in '09 according to report. "In your face, Obama!"
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Witnesses To Sniper Execution
Victims, relatives to witness sniper execution by firing squad hid in the trees, behind fences.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
"Gossip Girl" Talked About
Group urges CW stations not to air 'Gossip Girl'. But most say it's just a rumor.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
SC Man Horsing Around
SC man gets 3 years in prison for sex with horse. Horse begins new life under new name in another state.
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Homebuyer's Get A Break
Congress giving homebuyers a $6,500 tax break. Plan to pay for it by raising home owners property taxes!
written by Bureau, 05 November 2009
Classifieds Drier:
For sale, combined tumble drier, rotisserie. No manual, hence £50. I can't get the smell of chicken out of my clothes.
written by IainB, 05 November 2009
Classifieds - unwanted gift:
For sale: secret to eternal life. £300. Unwanted inheritance gift.
written by IainB, 05 November 2009
Classifieds - cat:
For sale, pure bred ginger cat. It might be dead. Comes with own box. £30ono. Contact Ernst Schrödinger, PO Box 101.
written by IainB, 05 November 2009
Boris Johnson saves woman from gang beating
But regretted it later when she said his policies sucked and she voted for Ken Livingstone. Boris said, "Ungrateful bitch! Next time I'll stay on my bike and mind my own business!"
written by Frank Miller, 05 November 2009
Iron found on Mercury
A Surrey Housewife claimed the iron was hers, she had lost it whilst on holiday in July. She's since been pressing clothes under heavy books.
written by Frank Miller, 05 November 2009
Showers for Everyone
House Speaker Pelosi (Nanny) added a requirement to the health care reform bill for 200 million showers for the great unwashed. The great unwashed have reciprocated by providing 435 hearing aids!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 November 2009
Global Reality
Environmentalists created a fictitious problem called global warming, knowing there is no need for a solution. Then they don't have to deal with global hunger, poverty and war that are real problems.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 05 November 2009
