Food Company Sues President
Castleberry Food Company sues President Obama over the use of their motto, "Yes, We Can!"
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
No Pantywaists Around Here!
John & Johnson Introduces "Scrub Those Balls" for dad's to make sure his infant son grows up like a real man."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Michael Jackson TV Seance With Derek Acorah Latest
Jacko's ghost says he'll do it, but only if the money's right and sleeping with little boys isn't mentioned.
written by Skoob1999, 03 November 2009
Gym Owner Refuses to Replace Windows
A gym owner has been ordered the by the local council to replace her windows. Naturally, she has refused, saying; that "Why should I? I have never trusted the LINUX operating system."
written by IN SEINE, 03 November 2009
Ziffle Has Swine Flu
One Arnold Ziffle is reportedly the first to come down with the Swine Flu in Hooterville.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
DNA Evidence Conclusive
DNA evidence shows that it was Jim Reynolds, a member of Greenpeace, whose ear showed up yesterday in imported lumber from Brazil.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
"Unsafe At Any Speed & Full Of Weirdos"
Friends of Ralph Nader have found the consumer protector safe and sound on the NYC subway system where he has apparently been unable to get off but kept getting into different cars.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Husband Doesn't Have Swine Flu
Doctor in Louisville, Kentucky informs lady that husband squealing during sex does not mean he has the swine flu. "Go on home Mrs. Beatty. You & Ned enjoy yourselves."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Afghani President defeats his main rival, a goat, promises Taliban heads will roll!
After disposing of his main rival, a Kabulian Goat (fab Spoof by Jaggedone!) Karzai has promised Taliban heads will roll, the Taliban replied, "your f*****g heads already in the basket!"
written by unknown
Czech president signs agreement but still hates Germans
The Lisbon treaty can now be ratified after Czech president signs, EU give him a Rolls Royce, diamond Rolex, freedom of Paris, London, Brussels, Madrid and Berlin but admits "I still hate Krauts!"
written by unknown
Cameron's 'Hegelian tactic'
David Cameron is taking a new approach by saying that if the Tories are voted in, in the forthcoming election, he will not allow a referendum on the Lisbon treaty. That well be a YES then!
written by IN SEINE, 03 November 2009
Rolling Stone Ron Wood wins award as "Best demented Rocker ever!"
Ron Wood a "Strolling Bone" wins lifetime award and doesn't know anything about it also whilst paying tribute to him, Mick Jagger dribbled in his bib and wet his nappy!
written by unknown
Italien classrooms ban crucifixes and turn them upside-down!
Satan is making a massive comeback in Italien classrooms. Normal crucifixes are banned but the upside-down version is now the hit amongst school children, Lucifer just loves Bella Italia kiddies?!
written by unknown
Hillary Turns Nostalgic
Sadly, former First Lady & now Secretary of State Hillary Clinton points out to reporters Bill's stains on old pantsuit.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Pluto May Soon Expand
After successfully hitting the moon's surface with a missile, scientists are hoping missile loaded with Viagra, playguy Magazines will help Pluto become a planet once more.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
New Traffic Lane Created
The Department Of Transportation creates special traffic lane for those with road rage! Drivers must have finger extended out the window.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Wealthy Get Another Raise
Congress to raise wealthy, turn them upside down and shake out pockets in order to aid struggling economy.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
House Prices Up Again
In Britain, house prices are up for eighth month in a row! Still, nobody buying.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Pub Apologizes To Couple
Pub apologises after calling couple 'black' on their bill - when they were the only customers dining. Claims they were referring to hair color.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Police Crackdown
Shamed binge drinkers forced to clean up their own street vomit and urine by police in new zero tolerance crackdown. Punishment makes some sick, others pissed.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
First £1,000 Train Ticket
Britain's first £1,000 train ticket (he gets to sit up front with the conductor, pull whistle) sparks row over soaring rail fares.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
No "Sugar" Coating!
'They're living in Disney World': Government's business tsar Alan Sugar's astonishing rant at Britain's 'moaning' bosses. Claims they are either "Goofy" or "Dumbo".
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Banks Cutting Bonus Money
RBS and Lloyds cancel bonuses for bankers, in return for £40bn MORE of taxpayers' cash. However, paid vacation days will jump from 30 to 150.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Yankee's Burnett a Bust in World Series Game 5
Comedian Carol says "I gave them all my best stuff, but even the Tarzan yell didn't scare the Phillies"
written by unknown
He Would Never Shut Up!
President Obama's "media in his pocket" spin his running VP Joe Biden through a wood chipper yesterday as a safety message to all Americans to use care with these machines.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Kate Winslet with Purring Body Shape
Driven to getting her body into perfect shape Kate Winslet has exercised herself to within an inch of perfection. "It's so important for women to look above their best," said KW.
written by Tcoah, 03 November 2009
President Seems Down
Obama depressed, distant since spilling whole cup of coffee on his Amazing Fantasy #15, the first appearance of the Spiderman, comic, says Michelle.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Court Rules On Privacy
Right To Privacy not guaranteed by constitution, says Supreme Court in case broke to court by Mormon husband of 19, father of 59.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Practice, Just In Case
Although Fed Chairman Bernanke reassured the American people that the economy is improving, he stated that it wouldn't hurt to have soup line drills every few months.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Hillary Says She's OK
Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton reassures her supporters that she does not have cancer. "Had to shave my head after getting head lice on recent Mideast visit."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Obama Repeats Speech
President Obama repeats earlier speech on environment at a national forest drownded out by noisy woodpecker. Apologizes for woodpecker rocking.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
"We Have Proof!"
Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad accused the United Nations of developing their own nuclear weapons.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Another Brilliant Speech
President Obama last night in his nightly message that terrorists could strike on other days than 911.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
New Reality Show Planned
New show "Jon & Octomom, Plus 14, Makes A whole Shitload" reality show planned.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
White House Guard Resigns
Sasha Obama orders White House guard, former Navy Seal, to have another day of hide & seek, drawing up Barbie and Ken's wedding plans.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Police Still Ticketing
The Dallas police are still handing out tickets to "ferriners what don't speak our English".
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Saints Are Perfect
Saints stay perfect with 35-27 win over Falcons. "Goal marching in" five times.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Uses Red Green Strategy
Largest cruise ship squeezes under Danish bridge by floating on it's side until clear.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Rihanna Talks About Assault
ABC to air Rihanna interviews on assault. Program begins with "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Pastors Open Online Churches
Internet believers: Pastors open online churches. "Our Lady Of The Internet" the first to appear.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
DNA Of Pig Completed
Scientists decode DNA of pig, a research favorite. Conclude: "Very similar to that of Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
More On Endangered List
Lizards, rodent, frog, honest politician added to endangered species list.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Global Warming Again?
Snow cap disappearing from Mount Kilimanjaro. Lincoln's Nose falls off on Mount Rushmore.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
African Boycott Meetings
Africans boycott meetings at UN climate talks. Accuse the West of being "fair weather friends".
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Merkel Addresses Climate Change
Merkel addressing climate change with US lawmakers. Asks "Is it hot in here or is it me?"
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
NIH Official Says Flu Shot Safe
NIH official vouches for safety of flu vaccine for the third time, throwing everyone into a panic!
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Clinton Urges Restraint
Clinton urges restraint in push for Mideast peace. "Another 4,000 years should wear them all down a bit."
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Karzai Promises Reform
Afghan President Karzai promises reform. Sends all political opponents to Reform Schools.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Fish Species Threatened
Over 1,000 fish species 'threatened with extinction'. Charlie The Tuna on life support.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Two Health Care Issues Still Unsettled
2 tough health care issues remain in the House as husbands asked once again to take out garbage, son to change his underwear.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
More Flu Shots Needed Says Sadist
Kids may need two extra doses of H1N1 flu vaccine says grinning health officer as he rubs his hands together. Parents asked to ignore loud crying.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Space Hotel Near Completion
Space hotel says it's on schedule to open in 2012. No bell hops needed as luggage will float to your room. Residents told to wait on commodes until splash heard as floating turds a health risk.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Processed Food Depressing
Research: Processed food link to depression. "Is this all we got to eat around here?" heard everywhere.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
North Korea Raises Threat To Total Annihilation!
North Korea raises threat to get US into direct talks. "You either talk to us or we start next World War and we all die. Then nobody talks!"
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Ex-President Bush seeks Friends
Former President George W. Bush is seeking a new friend. To become Bush's friend qualified applicants are asked to send an email to: ILoveGWBush@Yahoo.com. Applicants must be fluent in Bullshit.
written by NickFun, 03 November 2009
"It Looks Like Grandma Childers!"
Fourth criminal trying to dig way out of prison in Muhlenberg County, Kentucky said the last he heard from the tunnel from his mates after it caved in, was from Joe who yelled he was seeing a light.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Another Slogan Attempt
Anchor Katie Couric announced still another new CBS slogan: "And that's the news about Obama for now, good day." on the struggling 6 O'Clock News.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Larry King Found Hung
Larry King says he is not into weird sex and that the fire department had to be called after his suspenders got hung on the wall hanger when he tried to put on his coat.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
North Korea Comes to the Table
"Food police" succeed in posting food values in fast food restaurants, to make people see what they are eating. North Korea says it will take all the uneaten leftovers. So far there are none!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 November 2009
Saving Toilet Paper
The "Cap and Trade" bill provision allowing one roll of toilet paper per week per individual has been scraped. It seems that Congress is so full-of-it, one roll wasn't enough!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 November 2009
Craziness Explained
A psychiatry journal reports that the environmental, junk science, food policing & loony politician's movement started in 1990. That year many institutionalized psychiatry patients were released!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 November 2009
New International Dance Team
A new international dance duo "The Nucleonics" has been formed. The duo consists of US President Obama and Iranian pretender President Ahmadinejad doing a Kabuki dance over Iranian nuclear weapons.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 November 2009
Halloween Afterthought
Three kids came to my door as an environmentalist, food police & politician. I gave the 1st a lump of coal, the 2nd a fast food menu & nothing to the 3rd, as his hands were in the first two's pockets.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 03 November 2009
Cracked Up Over The Smell
Oklahoma man arrested after shooting next door photographer neighbor who had been feeding buzzards in the back yard for the past year. "Just trying to help", stated a wild-eyed Mosely Goodall.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Will Need New Nose
A really fat guy in New York City has seriously injured Richard Simmons after accidentally bouncing onto him during recording & filming of 'Sweating To The Fatties'.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
New 700 Mile Wall?
Homeland Security talking to China about building 700-mile wall. Embarrassed by having to use Mexican labor to built it.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
Obama Searching Reference Book
President Obama looking into Thesaurus once again tonight to come up with new words for optimistic.
written by Bureau, 03 November 2009
