Tareq and Michaele Salahi crash Idaho couple's wedding
Said Vern Jones, "See, I thoughts they was Luanna's friends, and here she was thinkin' they was mine! Twasn't till later we realized it was them White House crashers!" The Salahi's had no comment.
written by unknown
Obama watches basketball game
After all, everything is going so smooth in Iraq and Afghanistan, the economy is great, Gitmo is closed, and peace, prosperity and plenty abound. With nothing else left to do, he went to the game.
written by unknown
Mrs Wood's Scores a Hole in One with One of Tiger's Woods
Tiger Woods' wife scored a hole-in-one in the early hours of this morning with one of Tiger Woods' woods, when she hit the back window of the vehicle in which her husband was travelling.
written by IN SEINE, 28 November 2009
Hasselhoff hospitalized
The overaged grade B actor, best known for playing the straight man for a talking car, is hospitalized. Not for alcohol poisoning as is usual for him, but for a seizure he had after seventeen shots.
written by unknown
Ham hit by ham
Still in the news, no one knows why, is the story of how a TV cookshow woman got hit by a ham at a charity event. She insists she's fine. "Hell, my left ass cheek weighs more!", she told reporters.
written by unknown
Insurance adjuster denies your claim
You see, the smell in your house was not the half cellulose drywall you read about from China, it's actually you. Sorry, but your body odor isn't covered.
written by unknown
Also, Everywhere Else!
The final approval of lifting of silicone breast implant ban cheered by customers at Hooters, House Of Boobs!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Black Friday In NKorea
Panic in Pyongyang store stampede on Black Friday, after it runs out of Cabbage Pot Kids.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Insurance Cancelling Policies, Policy Holders
Several major insurance companies accused of helping assisted suicides since that is not covered in their life insurance policies.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Security Really Relaxed!
Obama Dinner gate crashers walked by secret service officers completely nude!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Rocky Situation In Sweden
Police: Murderous moose a suspect in Swedish death. Flying squirrel buddy also brought in.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Pros & Cons Weighed
Dept. of Health & Welfare: Understanding the pros and cons of health overhaul will help us with prostitutes and convicts.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Dinner Crashers Depants VP Biden
Dinner crashers at White House dinner went into Obama's office and played "Button, Button, Who's Got The Red Button" with button to fire nuclear missiles.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
McDonald's to Join Walmart!
McDonald's, one of the biggest food related franchises worldwide, will be joining together with another big store: Walmart. It will occur in early 2011. The first stores will appear in HI, NY and CA.
written by The Prevarication Times, 28 November 2009
Carter Loses Control During Speech!
Former President Jimmy Carter has called George W. Bush "a mean old baddy". "I never use such language normally, but that man can bring out the worse in me."
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
"We're Thinking It Over!"
A poll taken after the upcoming 2010 U.S. election shows that mainstream non-voters were mostly undecided on whom they will not vote for this time.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Detroit Lions Eager For Changes
For their first-round choice in the upcoming National Football League draft of college players, the Detroit already eager to pick somebody, anybody, six months early!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
"Rainman" Appointed Over IRS
Better keep those IRS payments on time as President Obama's old Chicago boyhood friend, Autistic Guido Rossi, placed in charge & he never misses a penny.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
McDonalds Getting Reinforced Slides!
To help improve sales, McDonalds has began selling spiked coffee drinks for adults. "Playground" slides already worn out with whole family on them..
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
We Already Know Where!
Iraq has spent $85million on 'useless' bomb detectors made in Britain, telling you that a bomb has just gone off.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Frenchman Over London
Fresh EU blow to Brown as anti-market Frenchman is given power to oversee City of London. His life insurance cancels policy immediately.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
No Trampling, Great Bargains!
The £1billion sales: Bargains galore as shops offer huge discounts weeks early as riot police lead charges through the doors as they open!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Kok Banged!
British couple subjected to vile 'Clockwork Orange' style sex attack on Thailand holiday. "Who would have thought..in lovely Bangkok?"
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Brown Extends Olive Branch
Brown extends olive branch to Mugabe with plans to readmit Zimbabwe to the Commonwealth. Receives thorn tree branch answer.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
El Nino, Gore In Agreement
Forecasters say El Nino will bring mild winter, while El Gore predicts no more bad winters ever.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Exit Strategy Summit
Britain to host Afghanistan summit in January which will set out exit strategy for troops. Bin Laden to attend.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Claus In Talks With Union
Christmas post faces new strike as secret letter from Santa Claus reveals union's latest threat.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
White trash girl upset
"My man cheated on me, just like Jenny Sanford's hubby cheated on her.", said Amber Freeman of Iowa. "But unlike the governor's wife, no one cares to hear my story, or help me make money off it!"
written by unknown
Reader, hide your mother
Reader - yes, you, the one reading this - you need to hide your mother. There is a gang in Peru that is hunting down people for their fat and selling it to cosmetics companies. Your mom is next.
written by unknown
Following fiasco of choosing Obama to win Peace Prize, Nobel Committee announces new recipients
Next year's prize will go to Barney, the purple dinosaur, for teaching children to play nice with each other.
written by unknown
300 million dollar verdict
A cigarette company must pay this to the last woman in America who was not aware that smoking was bad for you. Insiders report that given that this is America, there is no chance she'll get it.
written by unknown
Police explain reasons behind Tiger Wood's auto accident
It seems like every time that Tiger drives about 500 yards, he has to stop everything and watch his balls. When that happened, he lost control and crashed.
written by unknown
Sheep Pleads Innocent to Supermarket Raid
A sheep who burst into a London supermarket pleads innocent to accusations that she might well be pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. "I am not a 'Ram Raider'. she bleated.
written by IN SEINE, 28 November 2009
Sheep Invades Supermarket in a Trolley
A live sheep broke into a supermarket in east London today in a supermarket trolley. He headed straight to the frozen food section to visit his late brother who disappeared last week.
written by IN SEINE, 28 November 2009
Kings Crown Nets
Kings cut down the nets after sending them to their 16th straight defeat!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
"Take 2 & Wait Until Morning"
Recession sends older Americans to food pantries, paying $10 for a hundred Viagra pills from Nigeria.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Police Question Tiger
Police to talk to Woods about early morning crash. Did cuts come before or after crash?
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Gate Crashers Update
White House: State dinner crashers met Obama, kissed his hand and bowed so Secret Service thought they were OK.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
No Presidential Pardon for Tom Tofurkey
Tom Tofurkey, completely marginalized at Thanksgiving celebrations once again this year, says he's had it with the holidays and will be "firm" about his decision.
written by The San Francisco Onion, 28 November 2009
Another Blackout!
Light pollution stops us enjoying the beauty of the night sky & could be disrupting the delicate life cycles of birds, bats & burglars, according to the Royal Commission of Environmental Pollution.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Robber Caught Quickly
Bungling robber caught minutes after stealing £25,000 from bank across the road from his house. "Ran out our back door and into his", says bank employee.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Chinese Probe Moon For Population Explosion
China to launch second lunar probe next October. Hoping to find the first one.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
News Mix-Up!
Apparently Tiger Woods and wife crashed White House party according to the Bear Wallow, Ky. Gazette.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Sweet Home Undefeated
No. 2 Alabama squeaks and squeals past rival Auburn 26-21 in pigskin battle!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
There's Life In Them Thar Stores!
Signs of life in stores as holiday shopping begins as, in some stores, every hour a free trip to Las Vegas was given away. You simply have to look at some new condos owned by Giuseppe Mancini.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
"Hell Bent On Attack"
UK diplomat: US was 'hell bent' on Iraq invasion. Made us participate!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Woods Freed With Golf Club
Woods wife apparently broke out window of wrecked car to get him out after chasing him out of the house at 2AM with it...a Big Bertha!
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
Couple Weren't Asked ID's
The Virginia couple who crashed a presidential dinner met President Barack Obama in the receiving line, the White House said Friday, as "deeply concerned, embarrassed and funny as shit!"
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
John McCain Persuades Google
Today, former presidential candidate complained to Google that he thought their font was too small. Bursting with Republicans, Google agreed. On May 4, 2010 the font size will change to a big 34 pts.
written by The Prevarication Times, 28 November 2009
History Repeats Itself
At the start of WWII people who knew how to make steel were not on the steel boards! The Obama administration is pushing lobbyists with specialized area knowledge off of federal advisory panels. Duh!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Botox Tax Drooped
The Botox tax to pay a part of health care reform costs is a value added tax. Congress took a look at some of their own Botox recipients and concluded there was no value added and dropped the idea!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
The Obama Two Step
"Dancing With The Stars" introduces a new dance called the Obama two step applicable to Afghanistan troops, terrorist trials, the economy, climate change, public option and Iran's nuclear weapons.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
WTF
Far left liberal Congressional Democrats proposed a new tax to pay for the Afghani War. US forces will be subject to ordnance and fuel surcharges, if more than their allotted amounts are expended.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Too Much Recycling
San Francisco officials announced today that used condoms will no longer be recycled with plastic bottles. Trash haulers complained that recycling such items is carrying being green a bit too far!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Your Stimulus Money at Work
You know that old freezer chest, with the removed lock, that the kids keep their toys in? Congress is readying a "Cash for Old Fridge Program." if you buy a new energy efficient appliance.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Where's My Credit Card
Dubai's debt problem proves that no matter how much money you have, it is never enough!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Turkey Trot
After the US Senate voted to debate health care reform, they recessed for Thanksgiving. All the turkeys and lame ducks went home to get roasted, stuffed and be given the bird by their constituents.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Taxing the Working Girls
Congress announced a pole tax on lap dancers making over $250,000 per year. However, patrons are advised that any contributions are tax deductable, as long as these are itemized on the IRS tax forms.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 November 2009
Pope Telling Tales
Those close to Pope Benedict XVI say he once again misplaced and then recovered his infallibility in one three-hour period when he told some pretty wild stories about the Vatican.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
"How'd You Like It Flat?"
When released, a 95-year-old man will be arrested by Dayton, Ohio Police after walking around the emergency room at Dayton General, proudly displaying his five-hour erection until hit with a coke can.
written by Bureau, 28 November 2009
S. Korea puzzles America
The admission of the Seoul government, that civilians were killed in wartime, prompted a puzzled reaction from D.C. "Uh, is that something bad? Cuz that's been our policy for decades.", said Obama.
written by unknown
