"Young Idiot Nearly Finished Me Off!"
Official recreation person at Illinois nursing home fired after a misunderstanding over her "Sweating To The Oldies" video.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Me Still Hungry
One good thing about all the inter-family marriages around here, we'll be the last place those zombies will come looking for brains.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Gambling Boats Hurting
Beechville, Kentucky man sells part of his land to Native American friend so he and his friends can camp out here at night and play poker legally at the "Cherokee Pot Luck Casino"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Life's Good - - -
then your lover (Katie Price) tells u to stop making money off of her
written by Tcoah, 25 November 2009
Comic-Book Flavoured Ice-Cream
An ice-cream with an Alien 'Kick to it'.
written by Tcoah, 25 November 2009
Nader Retiring
Ralph Nader has stated that he has resigned from politics to spend more time with his pet rock, Balboa.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Somebody Kill Me
From his prison cell today, Mormon Warren Jeffs received his first of 27 alimony requests from his wives.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Guess We'll Eat Him After All
President Obama pardoned the White House turkey today but the big guy had his head blown off by Sarah Palin as he crossed a legal hunting area on the back of a pick-up returning him back to Virginia.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Alcoholism breakthrough
Doctors announced there is no need to look for a cure for alcoholism, as it's not actually a disease, but "...only a disgusting weakness shared by white trash and the lesser breeds.", they said.
written by unknown
Man bravely admits to unusual addiction
A local man has finally confessed to what his wife and kids have known for years: "I'm like a chocoholic, but for alcohol.", said Bill W. last week.
written by unknown
Coma man's request
Typing with the aid of his facilitative communicator therapist, Coma Man has said, "Please give my great therapist a raise, and don't doubt this communication therapy, it's not a scam or anything."
written by unknown
Med Marijuana Helping Bring Back Calif. Economy
400 new doctor's offices opened since Calif. marijuana as medicine OK'd. "Dr. Fong gave me an artificial limb to scratch my back. It's small & won't bend but, hey, it's free!" stated happy customer.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Hookers Laid Off!
Hookers in Las Vegas and Reno say they have been laid off. "And when you're a hooker, if you're laid off, you're LAID OFF!" says one evening lady.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Google apologises to Michelle Obama and the world demands one too!
Google, on their knees apologised to Mrs. Obama for insulting images. Now the whole planet wants apologies from Goggle because everybody is insulted, on Google anything goes!
written by unknown
Pope Warms Muslims
Pope Benedict XVI tells Muslims that religion rejects violence and if they don't get with it, he's reorganizing the Crusaders plus Kinky Alphonso Mancini and his boys.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Sex Classes Can Be Risky
Something goes wrong at Pig's Wallow Kentucky High School sex class as dog attacks teacher's leg instead of female that they brought in. Several punctures being treated.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Madagascar Still Unrecognized
The African Union has reaffirmed suspending Madagascar from union, saying replacing of the nation's president by an army-backed politician coup is the only legal way to legal leadership there.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Pope Pilgrimage To Plymouth Rock
Pope Benedict XVI to make pilgrimage to Plymouth Rock next Spring! Third holiest site after Stonehenge, the Blarney Stone.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
All I Want Is My Fair Share
New Governor of Alaska is accepting offered stimulus funds. "Polar Bear nuggets may have stimulated Palin but I say, 'Balls to that!"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
A Brazilian Bikini Wax Recalls!
Now a lawsuit following the ban on bare-it-all 'Brazilian' bikini wax. Seems some have shrank to 4 foot, 11 inches and speaking Portuguese.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Whatever!
At the Casino in Cherokee, North Carolina yesterday, Chief "Falling Dollar" says that he is not to blame for the poor US economy. "You always blame us Ind..Native Indians..Americans."
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Asleep At The Wheel?
Britain Attacks Obama's War Delay! "What doe it take, another Pearl Harbor?"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
What If You're Wrong?
ANDREW ALEXANDER: Without religion, the human race will work out its own rules for right and wrong, just as it always has.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Michael Moore Found God By Debunking Global Warming theory
And ditched the religion of Global Warming (GW). Said Moore: how can there be GW if there's a God? "Unless GW is a lie," replied God.
written by Tcoah, 25 November 2009
New Hollywood Poll
In a new poll of Hollywood singers and actresses, Jennifer Lopez finishes top of the bottom!
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Britain Ranked Near Bottom
Britain ranked near bottom of global survey on quality of life for expatriate workers. Hope to stay that way.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Fence Isn't Tank-Proof
Tanks for dropping in: Couple's shock as eight-ton combat vehicle (with L-plates on) crashes through garden fence. "You're a day early for Tanksgiving!"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Stop Eating Meat!
'Stop eating meat to save the planet from global warming', Health Secretary tells bear who attacked guy at zoo.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
This Is True. Ahem!
Tony Blair 'was told 10 days before Iraq invasion that Saddam had dismantled WMD', which he never had.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
"Six Bicycles A Peddling"
Tesco mistakenly paid £1million for six bikes that should have cost £1,000... now supermarket giant wants its money back. CEO and other managers seen riding them to work until money recaptured.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Global Warming Hoax Cover-Up
Scientist in climate change 'cover-up' storm told to quit by other global climate liars as he's giving them a bad name. (We already have a bad name for them).
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
"Don't Eat Chicken Little"
Stop eating meat to save the planet from global warming', Health Secretary tells Britons. Beefeaters at Tower heard to snicker.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Wiki In Trouble
Fears over future of Wikipedia as 49,000 volunteers leave site, 980,000 more threaten to leave.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Rat Escapes (Not Madoff)
Kentucky Fried Rat: The rodent in KFC that left families terrified as staff chased it with a broom. The rat claimed it was fleeing from the fryer.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
President's Thanksgiving Proclamation!
A Thanksgiving proclamation from President Obama: "Ya'll get your shit together during the coming year, you hear?"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Chairs Walk Out!
APNewsBreak: Chairs of NFL concussion panel resign. Walk out, causing several to bust their ass on the floor!
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Not Running Unattached
Docs say formerly conjoined twins recovering well but somehow managed to reattach themselves during the night.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Google Apologizes
Google apologizes for offensive close-up of prank with first lady's image on bottle labels of maple syrup: "I's Back In Town, Honey".
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Really Mutating!
China reports 8 cases of swine flu mutation as many begin to prepare for Swine Tusks!
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Sex Main Cause
UNAIDS: Sex main cause for HIV spreading in China, not black cats!
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Icebergs Headed For New Zealand
Icebergs head from Antarctica for New Zealand as millions of lettuce heads interfering with fishing.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
John Deere Losing Sales?
Deere reports 4Q loss on charges, lower sales. Will now paint tractors in color of wife's birthstone.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
First State Dinner
Evening gowns, saris, enlarged framed photographs of Nobel Peace Prize everywhere at Obama's first state dinner.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
New Homes Up 2%
Sales of new homes forecast to rise two percent. As a precaution, most builders only building basements at the start.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Amusement Park OK'd
Franklin, Kentucky officials OK amusement park tax ordinance. Franklin residence "not amused".
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Maybe We'll Finally Find Out!
Shuttle Atlantis leaves space station, headed home. Being tracked from most countries as many want to know location of Atlantis.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
"Beaten, Naked, "Fed" Sign On Chest All Signs Of Suicide!
Authorities: Hanged Kentucky census worker killed self. "We always thought we could count on him", says supervisor.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
May Last Until 2012
Wary consumers, rising unemployment, people jumping off buildings, digging fallout shelters snag US recovery.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Israel Ready!
Israel readying new arms to meet Iran challenge. Will start with a plague of the shits.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Stifled Anger Dangerous
Stifled Anger at work doubles men's risk for heart attack Most authorities say to "let it go" and get rid of anger. "Go buy a gun or something!"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Cheaper Holiday Trips
Americans searching for cheaper Thanksgiving trips, have been loading up and heading for the Salvation Army kitchens.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
3.8 Has Pedals Recalled
Toyota to replace 3.8M gas pedals. While taking auto in for replacements, authorities recommend coasting as much as possible!
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Could Be Rough
President Barack Obama expects Americans to support sending tens of thousands more U.S. troops to Afghanistan once they understand the perils of losing our country to the Taliban.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
FOX News finally admits.........
"OK, We hate Obama because he is black"
written by Trip Nasti, 25 November 2009
"I've Had Enough!"
Rosie O'Donnell, mad at everybody and everything after losing show, wife, today was decked by the Dalai Lama.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Librarians Going Topless
More women needing cash go from jobless to topless as jobs offered at topless bars. However, so far many drunks still haven't noticed the former librarians, "Hey Mac, how about another mug here?"
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Too Many Distractions
It's a fifty year high in the United States birth rate, says NBC Evening News. We here credited largely to the fact that 50 years ago, we all used to do it a lot more.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Goddess Now Four
Nepal's four-year-old complete first year as a new living goddess. Orders airplane to US to get her a McDonald's cheeseburger with fries.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Byrd On King
Senator Byrd from S. Carolina will be a guest on Larry King next week when King & the oldest Senator will discuss their young barefoot times during the Teddy Roosevelt days & how 'Bully' things were.
written by Bureau, 25 November 2009
Gordon Brown's Gaff
Gordon Brown fails to kiss baby at election rally. Voters outraged, mothers groups up-in-arms, fellow party members considering leadership challenge, baby expresses relief.
written by George Fripley, 25 November 2009
A Tax and No Spending
Over 300 million Americans assessed themselves a $100 tax to be paid to the 535 members of Congress. Congress must agree not to return from their Thanksgiving break until December 2010.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 November 2009
Radio Talk Show Conversation
HOST: Small business owners say that additional taxes will prevent them from creating new jobs. CALLER: The government should raise taxes & give the money to small business owners to hire people.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 November 2009
Radio Talk Show Conversation II
CALLER: The 2000 page health care reform bill should be sent to every home in the USA to be read. HOST: You mean the Pelosi bill? CALLER: Who's Pelosi?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 November 2009
Health Care Garners Republican Support
Senate Republicans will support the health care bill. This revelation followed a statement by the Majority Leader that a bill amendment mandates that only far left liberal Democrats will be taxed.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 November 2009
Health Care Tax Idea
The boobs in Washington DC are thinking about a penis tax to pay for health care. Don't laugh ladies, as you don't know what could be next!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 25 November 2009
