US Treasury Says Bailout Will Turn A Profit
White House discloses former Accountants from WorldCom/MCI were retained to make the determination.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
One Big Meth
The Methamphetamine Diet so far has proved to cause faster weight loss than Weight Watchers, Adkins, especially after death.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Iran Man Back
"Iran Man" Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he is ready to fight "Captain America"!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Times In Trouble Again
Satirist Frankie The J. accused of fabricating New York Times story, "Mountain Leprechauns".
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Dole Back With Viagra
Bob Dole Signs once again to do ads for Viagra. He will replace cartoon character, Floopy The Flipper.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods to Co-Author Book
Claiming together THEY, not Wilt Chamberlain hold the tile for most babes screwed on the road.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
O'Bama Presses for New Stimulus to Create Jobs
Says new roads and bridges need to be built to facilitate travel that no one can afford.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Secretary Gates Arrives in Afghanistan
Tells Afghans not to listen to O'Bama and that those actually controlling the US government will never stop wasting taxpayer's dollars in the region. It's too profitable for his investment portfolio.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Ohio Executes Prisoner with Single Drug Method
The lethal mix was administered orally instead of the traditional injection method.
The deadly potion was arrived at from mixing a number of Martha Stewart's "Home Cooking" recipes.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
GOP to Run Palin - O'Reilly pair in 2012
All Science Books to be Burned at Inauguration.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
US Cracks Down on City for Counterfeiting- Says Citizens Should Roll Up and Die
The Mayor for Duninbydicks Indiana, stated that the City had resorted to printing their own currency because nobody had any. US officials told the Mayor that they should just roll up and die instead.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Hard Times But Sales up
Makers of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra say sales up despite current hard times!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
At Least Two Cases
Police suspected Tiger drank alcohol on day of crash. "There were just too many smashed beer bottles all over the premises."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Hawaii Visits Up!
Giant waves, Fake baby birth certificates draw thousands to Hawaii's beaches and hospital records.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Juice Helps Memory
Scientific study shows that drinking something or other can improve your memory. PRUNE JUICE! No, that's for the other end.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Though Identified By Former Mistress
After recently discovering that Hitler's skull wasn't Hitler, the Russian government has rechecked other items & found that Hitler's penis was that of a banty rooster.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Benji Bernanke says "Too Early to Know Whether Recovery Will Last"
States further that banks and insurance companies may need trillions $$$$ more for bonuses as a result.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Obama Appoints Odor Man
President appoints first Odor Czar as 'Sniff Squad' heads out to check out landfills, service station station bathrooms and those leaving Taco Bell.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Hotel Manager Defends Himself
Christian hotel manager in court accused of asking hijab-wearing guest: 'Are you a terrorist and a murderer?' says the guy proved it by "blowing up" after his question.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Obama selects the 30,000 he's sending to Middle East
List includes Republican National Committee, Fox News Employees, and any Democrats who voted against his health care reform bills.
written by unknown
Once A Rare Position
New job at Barnum & Bailey/Ringling Brother's Circus for fat lady draws 500,000 inquiries.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Gonna Be Rough
Al Gore: By this time two years from now, you'll be able to fry an egg on top of your bald spot.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Elin Nordegren Woods contemplating punishment if she catches husband cheating again
She can't decide between using the song "I've got a Tiger by the tail" or the ad campaign "put a Tiger in your tank."
written by unknown
Elin Nordegren Woods to publish new book
"101 Household Chores You Can Do With Your Husband's Golf Clubs"
written by unknown
No Aliens Concerned
United States Military reveals that those crazy crop circles are caused by "Crop Circle Beetles".
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Limbaugh To Run?
Rush Limbaugh says he may run for office under the new Prescription Pill Party, saying that most Americans can identify with that.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Two-Minute George
According to letter auctioned off last week, written by Martha Washington, George deserved to be placed on something called "Rushmore"!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Country Divided By Favorite Goat Meals
In eastern Europe, the country of Litsmakastan has declared it's dependence from Combachere.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Healthier Cigarettes On The Way
Big tobacco companies cutting back on chemicals, from 90 to 65. "Should have arsenic out next year sometime."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Driver Survives
New Indian car that gets up to 100 miles per gallon totaled after running over chicken.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
McDonalds catch the dreaded "Gayphobia" in Florida
Orlando, Florida, McDonalds have caught the "Gayphobic" virus given to them by a gender-bender-boy-girl? McDonalds dispute all forms of discrimination only vegetarians are refused a JOB!
written by unknown
O'Bama Says U.S. Must "Spend Its Way Out of Recession"
Well, Congress and the US Senate certainly "spent" their way out of their recession, so let's kick this one off the right way. Give me some money and I'll spend it.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Just when you think it's safe to book your Baghdad holiday, BLAST, BLAST , BLAST!
Iraqi travel agencies are welcoming back tourists to Baghdad, but just when they thougt it was safe to visit Saddam's palace, BLAST, BLAST, BLAST! Bookings for Teheran are now the HIT!
written by unknown
Scientology Losing Members
A new report shows that many are leaving Scientology religion and joining cults.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Adult Learning Channel
The Learning Channel creates new adult learning hours after midnight with hostess, Bambi Topheavy!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Big Court Battle
Budweiser takes Viagra to court over "Whattttt's Uppppp" commercials.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Just Need Time!
Artist says he'll need nothing special to carve President Obama's head into Mount Rushmore in Black Hills of S.D.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
You're A Foul One!
Caught on camera: The thief who stole Christmas tree from children's grotto. Viewers describe him mostly as, Green.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Miss Smith Going Back Home?
A murderess who became pregnant while a prisoner is to be given a taxpayer-funded change of identity, even though she is returning to live in her family home. New Identity: Taxpayer Treat Smith.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Judge Calls For Ban
Judge calls for a ban on unmanned tanning salons after teenage girl suffers horrific burns. Suggests "The Bankrupted After Lawsuit Tanning Place".
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Lives On The Line!
Outrage as minister says desk-bound immigration chiefs deserve £10,000 bonuses - for 'putting their lives on line' "If not before, they are now", say some.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Trying To Outdo Tiger?
Tiger Woods' mother-in-law rushed to hospital on stretcher after collapsing at his mansion. "She's just jealous of attention I got from the wreck", states Tiger.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Still No Respect
Piss-To-Water machine lost in space comes to earth on top of Rodney Dangerfield's grave.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Manning OK
Although Eli Manning still suffering from a bad foot, he says that it won't keep him out of kicking ass in the NFL playoffs!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Four In The Floor
South Korean scientist believed to say that he's cloned a woman with four breasts but hard to understand with tongue hanging out.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Stocks Getting Sexy
Wall Street Ups and Downs of late has been so sexy that many leave floor to run home for a quickie.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Ex-WMD dossier Spook denies being an MoD puppet
Appearing before the Chilcot Committee 'Captain' John Scarlett said there were several strings of valuable intelligence that lead the governement into blagging its way to war.
written by queen mudder, 08 December 2009
Kids Like Solar
American kids reportedly really getting into the solar power thing, mostly over anthills.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Another Hospital Suit
Late hemophiliac accidentally taken to wrong ward donates eight pints of blood. "He left her looking like a turnip", states nurse.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Another Oprah Blooper!
Tina Turner, so out of it, she puts on Cher's ass by mistake, before going on Oprah.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Vets Remember
Veterans in their 80's recall WWII by storming the Beach at Malibu Nudist Camp.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Now Looka Here, Ya Little Freaks
Goofy-acting Cub Scout leader points out which mushrooms can be eaten, dried and smoked.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Tune In Tomorrow
Woman from Tiger Woods' home who was rushed to the hospital early this morning on "advanced life support" has been released, a hospital spokesman said. Tune in tomorrow for "The Days Of Our Balls".
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
It's In The Air
Judge at Miss America semi-finals in Ne York says that they were all blown away by young fan dancer.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Great Son-In-Law
Proud future mother-in-law say that her daughter's boyfriend, who's an astronomer, has promised her the moon & the stars.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Pittsburgh Pirates?
Pittsburgh man who was robbed of his Holiday spending money after being shot by a stun gun says he's still not quite over the shock!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
No Cold Turkey
New Alcoholic Recovery Group gets through yet another day, one drink at a time.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Family Ties Actor Arrested
'Family Ties' actor arrested after Colorado assault where he first tied up the family.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Letterman's Tiger Jokes
Letterman jokes about Tiger on the'Late Show'. "It seems that Tiger has had more women than...well, me."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
More Hot Toy Info
Group corrects statement about safety of hot toys. "Tell the kids that THEY aren't responsible for them being stolen."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
"I'm Fat Over Lost DNA"
Study: Missing DNA can promote childhood obesity, so searching the premises thoroughly recommended by experts.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Woods May Eclipse Jackson
Tiger Woods stories will pass those of Michael Jackson stories on TheSpoof by January at present rate.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
New GPS System?
NASA, Jor-El to launch sky-mapping spacecraft, just in case your kids wind up in space.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Credit Card Payments Delayed
More on-time credit card payments expected in 2010, or by 2020 at the latest.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Reid's Comment Ignorant
Steele calls Senator Reid's slavery remark 'ignorant', 'typical for him'.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Woods Hit With Irons?
Fire dept: Medics went to Tiger Woods' complex. Five iron taken in evidence.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Iran Threatens Tougher Action
Iran threatens tougher action against protesters. May go to also executing family of protester.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
"Kind Of Cartoonish"
The decade according to 9-year-olds: Come back and ask us a year from now.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Afghan Leader Plans For Exit!
Afghan leader: Help needed to pay for larger army, me and my family before we make a run for it.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Obama To Hit The Highway?
Obama looks at highways, small business in jobs plan. "It's our business to have him hit the highway out of Washington as soon as possible", say opponents.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Police Release Sketch
Police release sketch in college professor killing. Pretty gruesome say those who have seen it.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Live For Free
Homebuyer tax credit extension a holiday bonus. No payments until after 2012 election.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Political Baloney Continues
Montana Sen. Max Baucus' live-in girlfriend had eyed the state's U.S. attorney post for years before he nominated her for the job. Sister and brothers up for other positions as "Change" continues.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Another Movie Coming?
Doctor who attended JFK in Dallas has died. All his records have disappeared.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Expains War Exit Plan
Congress wants general to explain war exit plan. Hears, "We're already putting up 'EXIT' signs all over the country."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Mass. Taking Steps
Massachusetts voters taking first step to fill Kennedy britches.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Lady Gaga pregnant
Lady Gaga has stunned the pop world by announcing she is pregnant. She says the baby will be called Baby GooGoo. One insider said: "I thought she was a man."
written by IainB, 08 December 2009
Snowstorm Gains Strength
Fierce snowstorm gains strength after hitting West, building up it's courage, momentum.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
You Have The Right To Dance!
Famous Miranda rights warning could get rewrite to include the Macarena rights warning.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Afraid It's True
Historic EPA finding: Greenhouse gases, bullets and bombs, harm humans.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Awwwww! Who's Nice?
Santa Claus proclaims this "the warmest decade on record", with lots of hugs and plenty of love for everyone.
written by Adam Click, 08 December 2009
Rats Take Over School Kitchen in Wales
Rats have taken over a school kitchen in Wales this week. They called in celebrity chef, Gino D'Acampo, to cook them for school meals. But since his return from Australia, he has declined the offer.
written by IN SEINE, 08 December 2009
Shopper Undercharged for Blankets 38 Years Ago!
A lady who became a Christian in 1988 realised that she had been undercharged for some blankets back in 1971. When she tried to repay what she owed, she found that the Company had ceased trading 1972.
written by IN SEINE, 08 December 2009
Oprah Reaches Out For Tiger....
According to the Marquee blog, Oprah is reaching out to Tiger. Question is, will there be anything good and hard to grab onto.
Nope. No Way Oprah. Not young Not blond Not free wheeling party gal
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
California Govenor Says "Law of Diminishing Returns Does Not Exist"
An estimated 315,000 Californians left the state to avoid huge state tax increases.
California Tax Board now estimates next year's tax revenue shortfall will exceed all previous years.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Singing the Tale of Tiger....
10, 20, 30, 40 babes or more
They make me so crazy I can't even yell fore! Wifey took my cell phone and kicked me out the door
My best buddy Jesper don't like me no more
Fore!!!!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Tiger's Wife Packs Up Family and Moves to North Pole
Reports are in confirming Tiger Wood's wife Elin had packed up the kids + $ 50 Mil and headed to the North Pole after Tiger made a move on blond haired marriage counselor.
"Tiger for Tail II"
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Estate Tax Spin
"This week, the House passed legislation that permanently fixes the estate tax, which will give small businesses, farmers, and families the certainty they need to plan for future years."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
It Moved, Tax It
Hide the family jewels, the wife and any mistresses you have. Congress is going to tax anything that moves to pay for health care and climate change legislation, whether you need them or not.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
Climate Change that can be Seen
Copenhagen Denmark lifted 10 feet off the ground today! No surprise, all that environmentalist hot air ballooned the city upwards, making it flood resistant.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
Change Mechanism
Americans sometimes elect incompetents to Congress. Elections every few years get rid of them! Unelected incompetents at the EPA are now designating greenhouse gases as harmful. Got any suggestions?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
Tax the People
Republican conservatives suggested to Democratic liberals, that fixing the economy should come before health care reform. Democratic liberals agreed, as then people will have more money for taxes.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
Not Innocent
The Mayor of Baltimore MD was convicted of embezzlement. Prior to sentencing the mayor has hired more lawyers to find technicalities, to throw out the conviction. Tells you something, doesn't it!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
EPA to Ban Seltzer
The EPA may regulate greenhouse gases, such as Carbon Dioxide. 300 million Americans sent former Vice President Al Gore a bottle of seltzer, in tribute to his becoming a 21st century Carbon Baron.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 08 December 2009
PETA Protests Movie
PETA protests movie's "No animals were injured during the making of this movie" pointing out three different scenes at a KFC restaurant.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Need A Long Fuse!
In order to emphasize the world's current condition, British Olympic runners may use lit stick of dynamite to light torch!
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Cloning The Answer
Human cloning could be the world's solution to underpopulation say experts. Chinese down to only one child per family.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Should Have Left Then
Tennessee women who were attacked say they earlier saw two shady characters under a tree while they were mowing the lawn.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Desparate Notre Dame Hires Ryan Leaf as New Coach
Supplies director for football operations orders 10,000 new embroidered towels for alumni crying.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Tiger Woods Establishes Speaking Terms With Wife
The terms are that when Elin is in the house, Tiger is not allowed to speak.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 08 December 2009
Oprah Reaches Out To Tiger
Oprah reaching out to Tiger Woods but no response yet except request for her to wear a blond wig,
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Reid Off Deep End
Republicans on Monday were quick to pounce on Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, for comparing the battle over health care to the battle over the legacy of slavery, World Wars I & II.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
We Say, You Do!
The British newspaper The Telegraph reports that more than 1,200 limousines have been booked by VIPs. Also, an extra 140 private jets are expected during the peak period of the bad climate summit.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Couldn't See It
Pilots who missed airport blame airport control, Romulans using cloaking device.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
One-Legged Man Caught
Police catch one-legged Texas inmate who left wheelchair, escaped on foot.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
It's 1860 Again
Senate Dems seek expansion of Medicare, Medicaid, Government welfare, Food stamp expansion and more immigrants health coverage. Republicans seek weapons.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Mullens The Brain
Mullen expects casualties to rise in Afghanistan with 30,000 new troops coming in. Also, winter will expected to be cold.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Sex Toys At B&N
New sex toy in Barnes & Noble roped off sections popular when not a lot of other people around who see them in there.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Have A Blast?
Man who owns gun shop says he's quit telling people to have a happy day after the looks he's received lately.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Barney Tries To Unite!
Democrat congressman Barney Frank reaches across the aisle to Republicans and pinches young freshman congressman's ass.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Wow! What A Grouch!
Bruce Banner overreacts to guy in kiosk trying to sell him mineral products that come directly from the Dead Sea.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
No More Snickers
Man who smuggled in his own Snickers bar caught and fined $10 by theater which offered him a free Snickers bar.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
All That Oil!
The wrld laments the loss of millions of barrels of oil as Iran accidentally nukes itself. Also, Iranian people.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Nader Recommends Thrift!
Ralph Nader warns against overspending on personal level in latest book. "Remember, when it comes to gifts, a good pair of dress socks are always in fashion."
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
Silly Questions ?
Guy at Obama press conference still annoying President by asking silly questions about how many times we have just missed being totally wiped out by terrorists.
written by Bureau, 08 December 2009
