Jones, Carter Combine
Former President Jimmy Carter joins with Larry Jones "Feed The Children" to dynamite lakes during famine. New group's name: Halibut For Humanity".
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Joe In Soho
Joe the Wino arrested in New York City after renting his old coat, fake identity and big cap to underage kids so they could buy alcohol.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
The Age Of Romance
According to a new book, Neanderthal men used to fart in the face to bring women back to consciousness after double clubbing.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Free Verse stolen
A Barnes & Noble bookstore in Lincoln, Nebraska reports the theft of over 50 books of free verse. "If only they had came in and asked", states owner.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Stripping Teacher Proves to Be Youtube Sensation!
A 57-year-old supply teacher has been reprimanded for showing his raunchy 'manboobs' in front of a school class, has been a hit with YouTube. Many pupils were allegedly traumatised by the UGLY scenes.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2009
David Cameron Has Been Misheard!
David Cameron promised that the number of UK troops in Afghanistan would be cut next year. Now he says that they are unlikely to be cut, but it is more likely that spending on equipment will be cut.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2009
Ben Back
New video from Ben Ladin out where he says he enjoyed his trip to Mecca via the Bahamas.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Getting Own Back
After watching film of lone Chinese protester in Tiananmen Square, Chinese show lone American in front of WalMart crowd on Black Friday in Florida.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Mom & Daughter Working Together
Secretary of State Hillary reportedly helping Chelsea pick out wedding dress. Chelsea will then help her mom pick out her wedding pantsuit.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Bush Was Brief
Senior member of FBI tells Obama that President Bush refused a debriefing when first in office saying he's had enough of that in college.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
The Mummy's Eyeballs!
A report out of Cairo, Egypt, is that an Egyptian undertaker must have hated his leader because what appears to be the mummy's eyes are apparently his balls.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Students Half Right
A new Health, Education & Welfare report states that only 50% of American students could name the last four presidents. Many included Martin Sheen.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Tonight On 60 Minutes
Obama let tongue get loose at beer conference according to police officer and told about FBI looking for hidden mikes in White House to get inside info, found Mike Wallace in old closet.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Iraq Explained
Obama girls find button in the Oval office where Bush Sr. tells son to "win one for the the old man".
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Hurrying Back From Canada!
1960-70's selective service draft model to be used on selection of whom to bail out next!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
One Last Assist Breaks Magic Johnson's Record
Body of Jack Kevorkian found in the remains of car and suicide bomber!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Polanski Punishment
Roman Polanski allowed to be placed under house arrest but threatened with the mother of all slaps on the wrist.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Climate change "a lot of hot air"
The Prime Minister has dismissed climate change protests taking place throughout the UK today, saying "It's a lot of hot air, and an ill wind that blows no good. They might as well do a raindance."
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 05 December 2009
GMC For BHO!
President Obama says he really really hopes all General Motors workers will still be working and supporting him for re-election in 2012.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
New Drug For Hyperactivity
Precious Pharmacy Lab spokesman announces a new drug for hyper kids that really, you know, oh, whatever.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Met Office to concentrate on bed pans
Public confidence in global warming has been so shattered by leaked e-mail scandal that Met Office is donating time on its supercomputer to design better bed pans.
written by Tcoah, 05 December 2009
"Horsey Gone!"
A 3-year-old boy has been reported to social workers after witness says he pulled wings off a fly & called it his 'horsey'. Dad defends son declaring that the fly dies immediately when son sits on it.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
A New Outbreak
A new variety of swine flu has hit Jasper, Georgia. It has no symptoms & doctors say it may be impossible to stop because no one knows when they have it.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Seat Burned Out Back Later
Man banned from local library after complaints over his body odour after three found passed out while looking up ancestry.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
A Srern Warning
Food inspectors tell restaurants that they need to be careful serving food that might cause someone to get choked.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
"Television celebrities are paid silly money"
Gold Guilders, Portuguese Gold Coin, Double Eagle, Penny Farthings, threepence or thrupenny bits, and Ducats.
written by Tcoah, 05 December 2009
We Still Are
"Bush and Blair misled the public and it's conceivable both could end up on trial", claims official. "This has never happened before in the history of our people."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
X-Fire at Santa Grotto
Folks duck for cover as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Santa slug it out with .38 revolvers over a petty argument about unpaid Christmas bonuses
written by Tcoah, 05 December 2009
Reviews To Be Reviewed
Met Office to review 60 years of data amid claims figures were doctored to support climate change fears, doctoring of previews reviews.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Eye In The Sky!
Family taken to court for opening their bathroom window twice in five years, going out different door than the one they came in.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
'Sign of the Times' version 2.1
British government minister tells everyone to get their Christmas drug orders in early this year because "Time is Running OUT in Afghanistan" - largest drug supplier to Europe.
written by Tcoah, 05 December 2009
Woods Took Sleeping Pills?
Tiger Woods 'took sleeping pills to spice up sex with mistress' Latest totals, Star 12, National Enquirer 8.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
'Sign of the Times'
- Jobless to Be Offered Free Sex - UK Job Centres to offer Free Sex to encourage participation treasure (job) hunts.
written by Tcoah, 05 December 2009
Price Fixing?
The great Christmas shopping price fix: Millions paying up to twice as much depending on where they live as coal a lot cheaper in Newcastle.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
A Natural Step
Woman gives birth on flight diverted to Denver as new type of "Mile High" group forms.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Somebody Else Gets Award
Nicolas Cage wins UN award for humanitarian work. Obama sends team of investigators.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Minority Doctors Needed
Surgeon general: More minority doctors needed here to take care of all these (beep) minorities.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Major Agreement Possible
Obama shifts Copenhagen trip as prospects brighten for possible ecological agreement on stepping over spiders.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
If You Can't Beat 'Em, Eat "Em!
Decision soon on closing lock to stop Asian carp. "If this doesn't stop their spread", says President, "we'll get our best chefs to make them taste wonderful."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
"It Can't Last!"
Unexpected drop in jobless rate, sales going well on Black Friday, sparks pessimism.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
No War Protests?
President Obama gets little reaction to war plan. Cindy Sheehan: Just as long as it's a democrat sending the troops.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Colorado State May Totally Disarm
Colorado State University bans guns on campus. Still doing study on hand grenades.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Nets End Skids
Nets get 1st win, end 18-game skid to open season! "We were just as surprised as everyone else", states member of winning team.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Raven Followed Purchaser
Edgar Allen auction records set in New York City despite the coming family curse!
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Senate After Big-Pay Yankees Next
Senate takes aim at insurance executive pay in continuing attack upon anyone in free enterprise that make more money than they do.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
The Britneys Of War
Little resistance in new US-Afghan offensive. May as well send troops to one place as another. How about that final 'Monk' episode?
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Saudi's Address Oil Addicts
Saudi oil minister: oil prices 'perfect'. "Don't want to be any greedier than we already are."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Obama Looking Really Long Range
Obama: Efforts aimed at economy's long-term health. "A hundred years from now, we'll all be dead anyway. Remember, you can't take it with you."
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
"They're Not Our Kind Of Monkeys"
Monkeys Recognize Their Pals in Photos! But completely ignore their new neighbors recently placed in second cage over.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Certainly No Party
Study Reveals the Angriest Americans: Those who's political party are out of power at the present.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
The Baucus Debacle
Aide: Baucus nominated girlfriend for US attorney, mother for state supreme court and cat for small town mayor. I'm not telling how I got may job.
written by Bureau, 05 December 2009
Britain's Skinniest Home Is for Sale with a £550,000 Price Tag
At only 66 inches wide, this des-res in Shepherd's Bush is on the market for £550,000. Estate agents say that it represents good value for money. It is believed that Kate Moss has shown an interest.
written by IN SEINE, 05 December 2009
British blacks try and gain "street cred"
Long upset that they're regarded as queer or effeminate by their American black peers, two aspiring black musicians attempted to kill a pregnant 15 year old - but botched it. Others will have to try.
written by unknown
British family claims money does grow on trees
A family in Kent is in trouble for having 8,000 pounds of counterfeit pound coins in their possession. "That's almost $12,000 in real money", a U.S. spokesman said.
written by unknown
Pope Benedict features Tupac song
Pope Benedict, the world's best known former member of Hitler's Jungfolk, has found an artist he identifies with. Tupac. "Yeah, I was down wit' dat song about smokin' crack", he said.
written by unknown
Rudy Giuliani demands recount
In a hotly contested NYC mayoral campaign, Rudy, with ten write in votes is contesting the 25 votes that wealthy industrialist C. Montgomery Burns is said to have received. Mr. Burns had no comment.
written by unknown
Amanda Knox found guilty
She and approximately 2,742,922 other defendents in cases going on around the world, were found guilty today. Another couple of million were found not guilty. Why it's news is a mystery.
written by unknown
Sarah Palin joins Orly Taitz
She says that asking if Obama is a Kenyan is "fair game". It's believed that she is saying that because she was scared that she still had a bit of credibility left. The fear was groundless.
written by unknown
