Didn't Know He Had One
Nancy Pelosi explains remark about Dick Cheney acting like Hitler. "I meant his brother, Madoff Hitler.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
At Recession Prices
Some good bargains reported at Wyoming nuclear and biological self defense indoor flea market.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Want Ad
Archaeologist looking for that special someone for a little carbon dating.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Obama Upset
President Barack Obama upset after someone misplaces Congress and Senate's rubber stamps.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Botox Improves Vision?
Report: Botox may help migraine sufferers as they could be able to see whole angels and not just halos.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Since None Left
Report: The U.S. may have no uncontaminated rivers, streams, creeks left. "Then we can save money by quit checking", say Congressional Committee.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Logs Being Kept
White House plans to make visitor logs public. "After the big fat guy yesterday", says attendant, "we've contacted the Guinness Book Of Records over that 24-inch turd."
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
The Lollipop Guild
There is a deepening row in France over the lengths gone to by President Nicolas Sarkozy's aides in order to conceal his short stature. Says he's getting weary of hearing about The Yellow Brick Road!
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Council Changes
Council turns 'offensive' Spotted Dick into Spotted Richard to spare blushes of diners. Also, Pussy Willow outside the window now called Cracked Willow.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Misinformed
Rumor of a 400-pound bum in the neighborhood has small town in Tennessee behind locked doors and in "Bum Shelters".
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Let's Be Fair
President Barack Obama says that if he does decide to eliminate Iran's nuclear facilities, he will first consult with experts, send former President Bush picture book.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
It's official, indian men have small DICKS!
Condom producer, Durex, have confirmed the fact that Indian Men are small and their Dicks too. Indian women have been recently reported to be buying masses of giant Bananas!
written by unknown
FOX Reality Show
FOX Network announces that they have a contract with the Vatican and sometimes in the future, will air new reality show, "Who Wants To Be Pope?"
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Why We Stink
Judging from the looks of the earth's condition in general, scientist now says the Big Bang might have been a stink bomb!
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Hole In Pocket
Joe Biden accidentally gives Iran's Ahmadinejad bombing plans for nuclear strike on plants.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Getting Desparate
A saddened Ralph Nader informed that there is no use hanging around the international date line as that is for keeping time, not where women of the world show up to look you over.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Terrorist Warning Down
Latest terrorist alert back down to "Shoe" after spending three days as "Underwear".
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Leans Head Forward While Talking
Nancy Pelosi temporarily asks leave of the House until botched facelift can get her eyes off her forehead.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Crop Circles Natural
FBI, CIA agree that crop circles are natural occurrences, probably done by ringworm.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Accused Money Launderer OK
Formerly accused money launderer given a clean bill of health after cleaning up his act.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Pirates Seize Tanker
Somali pirates attack British tanker, sharks attack Somali pirates.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Where? How?
In the latest video, Osama Bin Laden claims he's on the space station, floats around with a goat.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Breakthrough?
Palestinians and Israelis agree on limited salaries for CEO's.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Has To Turn Back & Change When Showing Disapproval
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has announced that she has been a lot happier after arranging her face to smile.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
King Opens Twitter Account
Larry King has opened a Twitter account. So far it's been, "Good sale on suspenders at Macys", "I've lost my pants" and "I've misplaced my teeth".
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Easy Choice
BT customer told keeping her phone number would cost her £22,000, but rival firm does the job for just £99. "Must have had a 'special' on says BT.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Criminal Taunts Police
Escaped criminal taunts police on Facebook as he enjoys Christmas on the run. "You'll never she the last, of Ernest T. Bass!"
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Cameras Axed
Number of motorists caught speeding in town halved, after speed cameras were AXED in two.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Paint Games
Banksy in graffiti war with fellow street artist after painting over 24-year-old mural. Other artist sprays over Banksy art work, Banksy.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Too Many Speeches, Awards?
Obama tired after first year, has to have a drawing of Detroit terrorist attack on Flight 253.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Boyle In Japan
Susan Boyle brings her act to Japan. Rolls on the floor laughing after seeing her first sumo wrestler.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
China Goes Ahead WiIth Execution
China confirms mental patient Briton's execution, despite UK plea. UK calls Chinese leaders a group of mental cases.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Not A Good Time To Fly
Confusion fills skies after attempted bombing as planes landing in the wrong state, country, accuse baby pacifiers as bombs.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
OK, You CAN Act Worth Crap
Charlie Sheen's wife told police the actor pinned her on a bed, put a knife to her throat & threatened to kill her in a Christmas fight in Aspen that began by her saying he couldn't act worth crap.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Broadcaster Woes
Broadcasters' woes could spell trouble for free TV. You'll either have to pay for watching any TV or endure 15 minute commercials.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Just A Joke
Couple stranded 3 days after GPS leads them astray into sewage treatment plant. Manufacturer blames programmer who was fired.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Bacteria Adapt
Disinfectants Cause Some Bacteria to Adapt, Thrive, Star in TV commercials!
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Big Find
China finds likely tomb of 3rd century well-preserved, well-endowed general from the Hung Dynasty.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Protesters Paid By West!
Iran accuses West of fomenting violent protests. "The opposition is not from Iran, just appear to be Iranians", say leaders.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Who's In Charge?
Key security agencies lack permanent leaders as Obama too bogged down in health care issue.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
A Little Late
Obama orders review of airline safety procedures as "barn door closed after the horse escapes."
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Security for Pope to be Tightened
Pope will now descend from clouds only on Christmas and Easter Sundays.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
American Airlines Announces New Security Measures
Results for passengers:
(1)Three hours or more just for boarding.
(3) Security Personnel eat some of your McDonald's hamburger before you board.
I'm outta here - the other side has won!
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
China Confirms Briton's Execution Despite UK Pleas
Suspect was caught smuggling drugs by the tub load. In country where the death penalty is applicable to less than a couple of ounces, he indeed must have been completely and totally insane.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Fortune Teller Predicts a Hung Parliament in UK for 2010
A fortune teller from Worcester as predicted a 'well hung' parliament in 2010. This comes as a result of using asparagus!
written by IN SEINE, 29 December 2009
Bra Boutiqe Owners Share Success Secrets
They always use nubile young girls with perky tits in their advertisements.
Wannabe success follows immediately.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Charlie Sheen's Wife says Actor Husband Threatend Her at Knifepoint
Looks like Charlie has been doing a little too much Charlie again.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Drummer 4 Avenged Sevenfold found dead at California Home
Paramedics stated that the band member had no drumbeat and pronounced him dead at the scene.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Best & Worst Careers for 2009 In Review
Worst: any that are not a part of a government payroll
Best: Spoofwriter
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Why Lie Detectors Fail on Kids
Today's kids only know how to lie
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Terrorist Fails in Attempt to Blow Up Airliner
This brilliant dude sewed the explosives into his underwear. As the igniter failed to operate properly only his family jewels lit up. Perfect for New year celebration, not so hot for jail activities.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
The World Suffers Back Problems
More than ever before, people around the world are suffering from back problems;
back taxes, back rent, back car payments.
written by IN SEINE, 29 December 2009
Ridge: No "US" Style Rights for Attempted Plane Bombing Suspect
Harry Callahan brought in to determine what "style" of rights suspect is to have in the US.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 29 December 2009
Strong women
Females incarcerated without men, who are forced into an agonizing and humiliating lesbian lifestyle, apparently are still alive but not quite sane and demonstrate the strong will all women posses.
written by howy, 29 December 2009
Religion equated to insanity
Religions around the world, with their chanting and dancing, have not yet solved the problems with poverty, hunger, diseases and crime.
written by howy, 29 December 2009
On Decenber 24th, 2009:
Senator Max Baucus(Drunk-Montana),voted "Whoopie!" on the Fruit Cake Reform Bill. After he sobered up he was informed that he had actually voted "Yes" for Health Care Reform.
written by Adam Click, 29 December 2009
Down To Five Times A Night
A very worn out Lois Lane admits that she has always washed Superman's shorts with Kryptonite powder.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
First Time Together
Pope Benedict XVI says that the reason he was photographed with former Miss World, Miss USA and Miss Universe was that all four of them were coming out in wishing peace on the earth.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Cameras On?
Although most Americans say they do not "want the government in their bedroom", a few say they have a few tricks they would like to show off.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Wanted Virgins Bad
Three men in Yemen get so upset with airplane being late they blow themselves up at Sanaa airport.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Better To Be An Idiot?
Idiots look down on Idiot Savants. "At least we can make up our feet about what we want without counting peckers."
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Wearing Wedding Banned
Millions of couples around the world also want opposite sex marriages banned.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Still Recycling 2000 Yr Old Piss
Martians report that if there's any water exists there, they sure haven't been able to find it.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Public Service Announcement
The US Post Office reminds everyone that if they are sending anthrax through the mail to use gloves and their special plastic-lined envelopes.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
I Knew You'd Write That!
Time Traveler reports that he is constantly suffering from deja vous.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
Comes & Gos
Melting, refreezing melting Arctic ice blamed on Bipolar disorder of Mother Nature.
written by Bureau, 29 December 2009
