Prince William kicked out of Clarence House
Prince William was thrown out of Clarence House last night by his father Prince Charles and had to spend the night roughing it on the streets. "You wait until I'm King!" He allegedly said.
written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2009
Beautiful Women in Reply to Adrian Chiles
Beautiful women from all around the world ALL say: "Adrian Chiles is too simple for us!" Says it all really!
written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2009
The Great Shanghai Sausage Bomber
Shanghai,China: Police had a 1-hour stand-off with a suspected suicide bomber. They found that he was armed with 2 pounds of highly explosive sausages. Now we know why they are called bangers.
written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2009
A Great Shame Woolworths Closed down
100 customers and staff had to sleep overnight in a John Lewis store because of bad weather. One customer said; "I wish I could have stayed in 'Woollies' overnight!"
written by IN SEINE, 22 December 2009
Adjustable Would Last 25-30 Years
President Obama proposed a $100M bill today for having all high school pupils seats widened as thousands trapped in seats every year.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Starr Is Back
Republicans ask Kenneth Starr to investigate Barack Obama's birth certificate authenticity, receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Clockwork Orange, Red
Firemen say that fire was started by second hand smoke, then the minute hand blazing up.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
There's Another one!
Yet another white dwarf discovered in space by the Hubble Telescope. Scientists theorize that clown car once launched into space by mistake.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
False Ads?
Borders Milk Company under investigation after cow there appeared not to be contented, though advertised as so.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
"Don't Say Where You Heard IT, But"
New cosmetologist in town gives discounts on your hairstyling according to the juiciest town gossip you can pass along.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Better Listen To Us
An anonymous source has sent a note to President Obama saying that the writer and his group of voters are being ignored.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Also, Don't Drop It!
The NRA sends best wishes for the Holidays and that, remember, keep that loaded, cocked pistol out of reach of the kiddies.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
They're Worth It!
Wally World agrees to pay outsourced workers in Calcutta yet another raise, to 8 cents per day.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Somthing About Beaver Lips?
Researcher dreams of the perfect cure for the common cold but caught recall a thing after awakening.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Iran accuse the US of lying and wants to prove them right!!
Sick of being accused of nuclear war-mongering by the US Iran is now determined to prove the "lying infidels" right.
It was launched on Tuesday 22.00 GMT, DUCK MOTHER FUCKERS!!!
written by unknown
Changed Their Mind?
In the new book by George W. Bush, "Nucklar Nations", he says that one of the things that hurt him while in the White House was that he never did receive that Kyoto Accord that he was supposed to get.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Ralph Nader Book
Ralph Nader will be releasing a new book in the fall of 2010 after his 1,000 page giant released last month. The new one will be titled, "Why I Have Never Voted For Myself".
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Pentagon On Top Of Things
A spokesman for the Pentagon stated this morning that they have concluded that the video of Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler they received just this past Friday could very well be a fake.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
14 year old Dutch girl sailor is found high as a kyte floating near the Bermuda Triangle, swallow!
A lost Dutch 14 year old sailor has been foud safely and slightly high after having an affair with infamous Jamaican drugs-runner, Sir Bob "Ma" Leigh, Sir Bob hasn't been seen since MAAAN!
written by unknown
New Book Furnished
To encourage kids to read, every child in America will get a copy of the new free book, "Here Comes Obama Claus".
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
A Lot Simpler
Polls: Majority of Americans oppose heath care bill. Prefer cure-all pill research.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Early Celebration
Christmas celebrated early by real estate agents as November home sales wear a-leaping.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Mumbai Attack
India has admitted some security problems in Mumbai attacks, such as using rubber bullets and tasers against terrorists with nuclear weapons from Iran.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Lama Warns Public
The Dalai Lama warns that nuclear war might force everyone to be reincarnated as cockroaches. "Although Chinese leaders are already there."
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Golf Conference
President Obama has asked Tiger Woods to go out, shoot a few holes, then rephrases it.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
A Quick Buck Buck
National study of prostitutes reports that they are only out there for the money. Asks for funds for further studies.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Sure Sign Economy Recovering
Many state officials that they are now rehiring those in office who worked with people that are laid off.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
10-Year Study Finished
Scientists say they ave had a breakthrough yesterday after discovering that venturing nothing can actually gain in some cases.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Nader In White House
Ralph Nader says he was once in the White House and wasn't impressed, after spending night in the Lincoln Bedroom as guest of the Clintons.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Chinese Uphold Traditions
Chinese remain inscrutable over whether they will support the global warming efforts.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
The Movies
Hollywood announces new category of "Worst Movie Genre Ever". First in this class is a new film about the Obama Administration, starring Martin Lawrence, Will Ferrell, Pauly Shore, Adam Sandler .
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Santa
Shopping Mall Santas outlawed by OSHA. Said to be going blind from the flash of hundreds of cameras. Insiders say problem hidden by having young girls lead the sightless Santas around.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
AMA
In an effort to participate in the green economy the American Medical Assoc.has announced that surgeons will utilize their own sterile urine and have started pissing on their hands prior to surgery.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
VP Contributes
Joe Biden to be contestant on Jeopardy to earn money for national treasury.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
African Friends
Obama Administration hails help from Africa. White House announces they will be receiving funds of huge account from the Nigerian Defense Ministry. Key to Fort Knox sent as collateral.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Shocking Discovery
Police raid largest heroin dealer on east coast and discover he is flushing evidence away using a HIGH CAPACITY TOILET OF 3.5 GALLONS.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Wizard Inside
White House drive ways being repaved with yellow bricks.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Justice Department Investigation
Justice Department investigating the unauthorized visits to Gitmo by Jehovah's Witnesses. Copies of Watchtower said to have been flushed down toilets.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Car Bomb
Car bomb kills pigeons at 67th holiest shrine in Iraq. Said to be retaliation for the killing of Al Queda's 34th number 2 leader
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Gitmo
Former Gitmo prisoners to be counted in 2010 census for Illinois and will vote there in state elections.
written by Nailer, 22 December 2009
Scots Shoppers Bail Out Xmas Shock
Premier Gordon Brown has promised to bail out over spending debt ridden Scot shoppers through the new English Aristocracy and Middle England Tax. His goodwill gesture does not include rest of the UK.
written by iscrivener, 22 December 2009
Bombers Exchanging Gifts
Suicide bombers exchange suitcases for Holidays. "I know you'll get a bang out of this" their favorite joke.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Bear Story True
Former president George W. Bush mad an unexpected visit to the woods while cutting brush on Crawford ranch....attacked by bear!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
IRS After Woods?
The IRS is looking into rumor that Tiger Woods sponsors flew in hookers for him. "If true", states on official, "we'll have a Tiger in our Tank!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Tiger Drops
A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent, and that's among members of the "Tiger Woods Fan Club".
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Taxes Now Due January 1st.
President Obama has signed a new $1.1 trillion spending bill. This will help give the economy, IRS a boost.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Stonehenge Eve?
Hundreds of pagans turn up at Stonehenge for the winter solstice, on the WRONG DAY! Predict a bummer of a year in 2010.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Really Warm Here
Escaped prisoner who taunted police on Facebook, boasting his home is 'warmer than the Caribbean', apparently been dead for two months.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Reindeer Banned
Now health and safety killjoys ban reindeer from Christmas display, because it might snow. "Then they'd begin those silly Reindeer Games!"
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Lesser Evil?
Thou SHALT shoplift: Priest tells congregation it's better than robbery or prostitution, but you'll pay a heavier fine if caught.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
White Collar Recession.
Benefits up as white collar workers lose jobs. Some priests head up their own soup lines.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Brit Economy Stuck
Britain remains stuck in recession as economy stinks further! I'm sorry, that should be 'shrinks' further.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Top Destination
Top destination lists for travel at this year's end? The state poorhouse!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Ten More Bridges To Nowhere Promised
GOP senator: Democratic health care deals 'sleazy'. "One guy got three young aides and $100 Million to change vote", states McConnell.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Three-Hour Limit
Government imposes 3-hour limit on tarmac strandings, and a complete fumigation.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Bailouts Political
Banks with political ties got bailouts, study shows. Those who didn't vote for Obama, it'll be a hard candy Christmas.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
New Cyber Partner
White House picks new cyber coordinator, R2D2, as machines being more & more depended upon.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Holidays Shoppers Out
Santa's sleigh could be as heavy as last year as "Everything For A Dollar" stores especially busy this season.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Emergency Calls
Boston mom calls 911 over son's video game habit, husband's football addiction, neighbors always borrowing some thing and never bringing it back.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Expanding Too Fast?
Eurostar resumes service between Paris and London, Hong Kong and Taiwan!
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Another Vote
Senate gears up for their seventeenth critical health care vote. "This on is important, which one is it?", asks Reid.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Let it Snow?
Superb French engineering strikes again! Apparently, chunnel trains were designed for use in Florida and adapted for European use. Designers said "oops, we forgot it snows in France."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 December 2009
Junk Cell Phone Labels
Maine legislator wants warning labels on cell phones, regardless of no scientific correlation with brain cancer. His bill also wants labels on electric shavers, walking across a street & prostitutes.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 December 2009
Tiger's Reading List
Tiger Woods has read the book called "The Rules of Bedroom Golf!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 December 2009
Presidential Dreamland
Iran promises to give up supporting terrorism around the world and terminate its nuclear bomb making program, if the Palestinians go back to the peace table with Israel. Then President Obama woke up!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 December 2009
Air Transport Association Propaganda
ATA spokesman has been invited to be locked in a jet aircraft for nine hours, next to a stinking lavatory with no food or water! Then he can blame the FAA in a speech, after his wonderful experience.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 22 December 2009
It'll Be Hot Too
The price of gas is predicted to rise in the summer of 2010 according to the Dork Institute.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Guv A Little Slow Himself
California Governor Schwarzenegger has asked everyone to drive at 40 MPH during the winter months so that fuel can be saved. "Carpool & one sleep at a time during four hours to work & back."
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
Pope Having Fun
Pope Benedict XVI, the old cut-up, told the audience Sunday "You're all going to hell in a hand basket. Just kidding. It'll be in a big WalMart box.
written by Bureau, 22 December 2009
