Couch Potato Exercise
NFL football fan says he's getting plenty of exercise. "I get pretty excited and you don't want to be sitting near me as I'm all over the place."
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Didn't Sign Score Card
Tiger Woods found out today that his playing the wrong hole may cost him a penalty of 300 Million Dollars!
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Lack Of Support
Former wife goes to court over lack of support by chef ex-husband, who has his wages garnished.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
I Was Laughing At Laughter
Amateur comedian kicked out of contest after crew find caged hyenas in the back.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
SPAM Now a Salt Substitute
Provided you like the taste of Pork, thinly shaven SPAM shards add as much salt flavor to a dish as real salt, at a fraction the cost of actual salt!
written by P.M. Wortham, 21 December 2009
Inflation Up!
Inflation during the Holidays taking its toll as the average American lets belt out two more notches.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Office Destops Now Made from Recycled Paper
"Great for the environment", says office furniture salesman Deszi Zellmore, "But I wouldn't spill a drop of coffee on it".
written by P.M. Wortham, 21 December 2009
Teen's Private Santa Note Answered by MOM!
Privately asking for condoms, Santa responding in suspicious handwriting looking like own mother's, asked if he preferred ribbed or lubed.
written by P.M. Wortham, 21 December 2009
Just Look At Madoff
Finding: Man's earliest ancestor may have lived at time of dinosaurs. A lizard that walked on hind legs named Irving.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
For Drilling Alaskan
Backers of Alaskan drilling make their case. "Just look at her", states Sarah Palin's husband. "I can't wait to get home."
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Big Last Minute Deals Made
Republicans believe that last minute deals promised Democrats hundreds of millions to support health bill. Also looking into possibility that bears shit in the woods.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Why Us Says Karzai?
Afghanistan facing their worst plague of locusts in six months!
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Obama Gets An 'A'
President Barack Obama gets an 'A' from Schwarzenegger, which he pronounces as an 'E'.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Hide The Puppies
Man's best friend could be one of environment's worst enemies, as a new study says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling SUV. Water dog missing from White House..
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Hubble: Bin Laden Still Here
Hubble Telescope says that Bin Laden still on the surface of the earth somewhere & hasn't escaped as it has watched those leaving closely.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
"Beak It!"
Pope Benedict XVI tells Cardinals to leave pecker behind when working with youth.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
The Eagle Has Landed
US Currency once again devalued as Eagle emblem replaced by that of a turkey buzzard.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Obama On Boxing
Prsident Obama appears on This Week's Top Boxing Match. Tells how new health care plan will include broken teeth, noses and cauliflower ears.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Book Finally Returned
A Book 99 Years Overdue Returned to Massachusetts Library! Name of the book? "How To Survive The 1920 Global Warming!"
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Still On The Loose
A dummy drone has been hacked and going around all day buzzing the President and House Speaker Pelosi, often goosing them in the ass.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Hoard of Roman Coins Found near Reykjavik
Which just goes to show that money went a lot further in those days!
written by IN SEINE, 21 December 2009
Fortune Tellers Get Prediction Right!
The fortune tellers at Glastonbury have correctly predicted that Pete Doherty will not go to prison this year. "There are only two weeks to go and he still hasn't gone!" Said one happy medium.
written by IN SEINE, 21 December 2009
Plymouth Police Hunt Mystery Shopper
Plymouth police want to find a man caught on CCTV sniffing a shopkeeper's arse. He can easily be identified by his brown nose. Police say; "we hope to get to the bottom of this!"
written by IN SEINE, 21 December 2009
Outa Be A Law
Coming across Pamela Anderson's topless pic on website blinds tenth teenage boy.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Teacher Chewed Out!
Study shows less teens are smoking but have gone to smokeless tobacco. Teachers say classrooms are a mess.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Get Ready To Pack
Al Gore submits plans to the UN on how we are going to move all major cities on the coasts to nation's midlands. Still working on Islanders.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
South African Runner All Over Again
DNA evidence inconclusive that Mr. Universe is a male or a short-haired female.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Tigger Woods Speaks Out
Tiger Woods cousin, Tigger Woods tells the press that he could have told them all along that Cousin Tiger wasn't the person they thought he was.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Scotland Confused
Clones causing problems in Scotland. "Why it's yourself's yourself Hamish."
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
We Wanted Change
Report: Movement in congress to change nation's name to "The Union of Socialist American States" as Obama continues change.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Audience At Beach Participates
First Informercial to hit the #1 TV slot as "Which Bikini Wax Is The Best" breaks all 30-minute slots.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
KFC Hacked
Chinese hackers hit KFC restaurant headquarters, download ten secret ingredients & spices. Now looking for #11.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Arabs sack Mark Hughes and issue Fatwahs on Chelsea, Man Utd and Arsenal!
Man City's Arab owners have sacked Mark Hughes and issued Fatwah's on the top three in the premiership because only one can be Nr1, and Man city must be Nr1, no-one else, the others must DIE!
written by unknown
Harrods shares hit all time high as Fulham stuff Man United!
Harrods & Fulham owner + Royal Family hater, M.Al. Fayed is about to have a fantastic Christmas, after Fulham stuffed Man Utd his Harrods shares hit the roof, Chelsea players bought them all!
written by unknown
Can't Shake A Leg
By the year 2050, whites will be in the minority. Economists do not recommend going into teaching dance as a profession.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Bush E-Mails Discovered
Over 20 million missing Bush White House E-Mails recovered! 90% express concern about about possible nucklar attack.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Really High Tech
New type border guard drone knocks prescription medicine from Mexico out of senior's hand.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Climate Conference Breakthrough
Big breakthrough at climate conference as all nations say they will at least try to lower thermostats this winter.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Could Get Hepatitis
An American police detective pulls out a handgun after he's hit with snowballs. "They were yellow snowballs", says officer.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Really Cold Out There
British workers face second year of pay, ass freezes, CBI warns.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Huge Taxes Added
Parents faced with paying double for Lego kits as new housing laws put into place.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Body Under Ice
Two boys discover body of man frozen under ice of city centre fountain. And, no, it isn't a David Blaine stunt.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Having A Good Week
Caught by CCTV: Benefits scrounger who said she couldn't dress herself claimed £30,000 while working 48-hour week. "It comes and goes."
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Meant As A Comparison?
Priest outrages police by telling his congregation: 'My advice to poor is to go out and shoplift' as seventeen nuns, others are already in jail.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Gas The Answer
Natural Gas could be the calvary in global warming fight as Taco Bell set to lead the way!
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Roberts Presence Still There
Even after death, Roberts' hand to be felt at ORU! More than a little bit creepy, say students.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
No Burqa
2 Taliban die in clash with Wonder Woman in Afghan city. "Try to whip my behind, will they?"
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Atomic Arms Ban
Iran nuclear negotiator calls for atomic arms ban. At least until we have our weapons complete.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Swift Entertainer Of The Year
Taylor Swift voted AP entertainer of the year as Michael Jackson finishes a dead second.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
That's Ours Too
North Korea declares disputed waters 'firing zone' between their country and South Korea. Also, Pacific Ocean.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Smoke Some Tea
Feeling blue? Green tea may help, study shows....especially that of marijuana.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Here They Come
Senate Democrats clear hurdle on health care bill, now must run the gauntlet of the thrown shoes!
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Kere What?
Chavez wants Angel Falls to go back to native name of Kerepakupai meru, which should bring in more tourists.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Sidewalks, Streets Slippery
Storm-walloped East Coast returns to work slowly, with over 1,000 busted asses reported.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Iran Protsesters
Protests mark funeral of dissident Iranian cleric, protesters of the protesters.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
About time
No longer can a woman insist on being treated as an equal, only to cheese out of hazardous duty in the military by getting pregnant. Instead, her fetus will be armed, too, and both will fight.
written by unknown
Schwartznigger Gives O'Bama an "A" for Effort?
Isn't this like giving Madoff an "A" for "trying"?
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 December 2009
GOP to Fight Health Bill Passage
Right After they Secure Funding for Their Own Insurance at 10X the price of the Average Taxpayer.
written by Richard DagNabbit, 21 December 2009
There's These Thiefs, See
Parents of Balloon Boy say that they may have an offer for a new movie called, "Balloon Alone!"
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
Chimps 1, Humans 0
Study: Chimpanzees can identify themselves in the mirror, something many humans refuse to do.
written by Bureau, 21 December 2009
