Never Be Seen Again
President Obama officially has White House crashers over for a beer conference. While shaking hands, guy gives him his billfold and watch back.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Change Currency At The Door.
The US dollar sinks even further as most gambling casinos in the country pay off in Euros.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
We Got Your Back!
Military says that although a lot of veterans information was stolen a few years ago, they immediately changed all vets names to numbers and social security numbers to names.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
I'm Still In Office
Osama Bin Laden on latest video sends message to former president, George Bush, that he is continuing his "working vacation"!
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Obama Spoofed Again
Barack Obama falls for the same party crashers at the White House as they have him pose for a shot for Mount Rushmore.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Limited Market for No-Brainer Idea by Law Firm
A law firm has decided to issue a divorce certificate as a Christmas present. This has a limited application because many people are not married and - they are living together!
written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2009
Hypnosis Course Policeman Charged
A policeman who attended a police course on the hypnosis of criminals, was caught on the motorway and charged with 'driving under the influence'.
written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2009
Police suspicious of missing woman's husband
While it's true that the police love to close cases by blaming the husband, they're now acting surprised that he has an attorney. He should just answer the trick questions so they can declare a win.
written by unknown
Rio Ferdinand & Owen Hargreaves claim their OAP benefits!
Rio and Owen have had enough, no more Footy injury misery, they're claiming their OAP benefits, Sir Alex has reacted angrily and put in a bid for the geriatric Sol Cambell, too late he's joining Rio!
written by unknown
It's official after 2009 years, Virgin Mary is not a Virgin and God doesn't care!
Virgin Mary is Jesus's mum and Joseph is his Dad, not God! An Anglican Deacon in New Zealand was told the news by the great one himself. It's taken 2009 years but the TRUTH is OUT, thank God! (WHO?)
written by unknown
Slave to the unknown
A patriot who voted for his favorite candidate was imprisoned under that candidate's new social policy.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
Dumber than dumb
A scientific researcher that discovered the cure for twenty-five female diseases was falsely accused by a woman and sentenced to life in prison where he was humped by 350 homosexual prison wolves.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
A capitalistic system
In a capitalist system 100% of the population are lawyers, to protect their money from their divorced spouses and tort lawsuits.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
A scientific system
In a scientific social system 100% of the population are scientist and there is a direct correlation between evolution and humanity.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
An army of lawyers emerges
Eighty percent of the human population around the world has become lawyers to protect their wealth from the needy.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
Money is the root of all evil
Nobel Prize winner Peter Grunberg said, money is the cause of crime in society because people are desperate to pay their medical bills.
written by howy, 17 December 2009
Non-demoniational Festive Songs
So as not to offend non-Christians, the festive song, We Wish You a Merry Christmas will now be We Wish You a Festive Holiday Period.
written by IainB, 17 December 2009
Gore, Arnold Deliver One, Two Punch!
Rioters and crowds settle down after Al Gore, Arnold Schwarzenegger speeches. In fact, most were asleep until 15 minutes after.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
The Mad Fatter
Christmas decorations pulling all that electricity driving Al Gore even madder.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Dispute Among Democrats
This week one Democrat leader stated that the recession is officially over while two others denied the fact. However, those two turned out to be party crashers.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Plus Several Cases Of Frostbite
British Pub in the north completely surrounded by eight inches of yellow snow.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
BA Stewards Unpopular
BA cabin crew warned not to wear uniform in public after female steward was spat at, a second steward toilet-papered.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Elin Woods says dicks were tailing her around Thanksgiving
Tiger hired private eyes to spy on his beleaguered spouse to catch her out in any snooping on his extramarital transgressions.
written by queen mudder, 17 December 2009
Good News/Bad News?
Tiger Woods voted AP's top athlete of the decade in two completely different "sports".
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
In Baseball News
Phillies get Halladay, Mariners acquire Lee and Yankees purchase Cubs as farm team.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Thrifty Boosts Mileage
Dollar Thrifty boosts mileage of rental car fleet by demanding that drivers allow cars to coast down hills.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Others Seeking Cover
Aussie scientists who found coconut-carrying octopus follow it to undersea fallout shelter, a bad sign.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Mullen Visits Front Lines
Mullen visits front line of Afghanistan war as he lands in the center of Kabul.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
No New Ground Broken
Analysis: Obama won't break new ground at summit, claiming his sciatica is acting up.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
One Immediate Solution
Dead rodents, skinny snakes found in Texas raid. Recently dead rodents quickly fed to skinny snakes.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Right Through The House!
Cities may put brakes on speed bump installation after several served as launching pads for speeding drivers.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
May Hold Big Sale
AP IMPACT: US drug war crackdown misses the money but gets a load of free drugs.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Doughnut Hole Still There
Democrats vow to close Medicare 'doughnut hole', pie-in-the sky promises, predictions.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Wage Theft Rises
As wage theft rises, states and cities crack down. WalMart loses all employee records in big fire as computers also crash.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Cartel Kingpin Gone
Mexican navy kills top cartel kingpin in bowlout. Sorry, that should be "shootout".
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Citi Suspends Foreclosures
Citi to suspend foreclosures for 30 days as Grinch's heart doubles in size.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
US Ready To Join
Clinton: US ready to join $100B climate aid fund, if China will just float us a loan.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
A Few Setbacks
Budget deficits are in the stratosphere. Unemployment has hit 10 percent. The health care overhaul is incomplete. Dems say that Obama my be the greatest President ever.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Smith and Jones Convention Oversubscribed
A convention was held at Wembley Stadium today for anyone called Smith or Jones. In usual Christmas tradition, "there was no room at the inn!"
written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2009
Smith and Jones are Most Popular Names in UK
Smith and Jones are the most popular name in the UK. However, if your name is Jones, then you're more likely to be competitive. Hence the saying; "keeping up with the Joneses."
written by IN SEINE, 17 December 2009
Obama has not yet integrated gays in the military
He's been too busy increasing the number of troops in Afghanistan, not pulling out of Iraq and not closing Gitmo or ending torture to have had time to.
written by unknown
Afghanistan War Hopeless
Many advisers now telling the President that situation in Afghanistan is hopeless, but better than six months ago.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Smokeless Tobacco Can Be Harmful
Tennessee man sick as his smokeless tobacco had an invisible tobacco worm in it.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Gesundheit Doesn't Work
In ten year study, a US health agency says the use of the word, "Gesundheit!" does not help the common cold, in a test against "Blow it out your ass!" placebo.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Mary Kay Laying Off
Mary Kay Inc. lays off hundreds. Many expecting to get their lacy pink slips Monday.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
New Reality Version?
New Baywatch three hour movie special breaks new ground as it leaves out any story plot and there's only bikini dressed stars walking around the beach, playing volley ball.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Lost Ring 25-Years Ago
Trenton, New Jersey man who thought he'd never see his wedding ring that he lost 25 years ago, appears to be right.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
One Last Chance
Koko the signing gorilla offers to mediate between Democrats & Republicans over health care bill.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
They Say They Never Gave Up
Civil War reenactors pinned down by real gunfire from several cabins in Eastern, Kentucky mountains.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Yello! Condi? Cheney?
George W. Bush may be hitting the bottle again as he walks back into White House announcing that he's back from vacation.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Bumping Car Ahead Dangerous
Palm Springs, California opens the country's first drive-by archery range!
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
US Leads In One Category
School kids in twenty four other countries ahead of US kids at school. However, our kids are much better armed.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Shoveling The Dirt
Hole dug as ground breaking begins on George W. Bush Library. First to go in are his old military records where they are buried for good.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
"Osama On A Segway!" "Watch Your Mouth!"
Osama Bin Laden in his latest video says that riding the Segway in the deserted cave area the only way to go.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Police Seeking Person
Person of interest sought in slaying but only if they are proven interesting.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Seychelles Sea Shells
Melting glaciers, ice caps may be sinking the Seychelles by the seashore.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
What Goes Around...
NATO chief asks for Russian help in Afghanistan twenty years from when the UN condemned the USSR for being in Afghanistan!
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Attendant Catches Pilots Unaware
Flight attendant caught wayward pilots unaware. "I know it's a cockpit but that could have been dangerous."
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Yellowstone National Park Wolves Starving
Wolves in YNP are eating each other, as the Elk have figured out how to fend off the critters. Environmentalist groups are asking their members to voluntarily sacrifice themselves as food sources.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 December 2009
New Study On Whites
Study: White Americans' majority to end by mid-century unless they get down and get it on!
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Dead In The Senate
Single-payer health care plan, single taxpayer left with any money, die in the Senate.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Larry King Admits It!
With so many actors and actresses coming out of the closet of late, Larry King has decided to come out of the coffin, tonight after sunset.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Big Gang Fight
Police in New York City say no one was seriously injured last night during a gang territorial dispute between the Airhead Gumbies and the Violent Village Idiots except the twenty ran over by cabs.
written by Bureau, 17 December 2009
Tiger voted Athlete of the Decade
"He is a very practiced athlete", said the AP. "And we gather he is good at golf, too."
written by unknown
