Scientists discover what dinosaurs tasted like

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

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Ankylosaurus steak anyone?

Palaeontologists from Manchester University of Science and Technology have finally reconstructed what dinosaurs tasted like.

Using quantum tunnelling microscopes on the patterns that their flesh left imprinted in the rocks, they have compared the map against that of living animals.

Diplodocus, one of the largest land animals to have ever lived, has a flesh consistency remarkably like that of modern day cows, leading researchers to conclude that the long necked beast tasted like beef.

"It would have been a remarkably large rump steak," said Terry O'Dactil, head researcher on the project that has taken fifteen years to complete. "I'd imagine it would have been too much to eat in one sitting."

Other dinosaurs that the team have analysed include the triceratops, that would have tasted like the tenderest lamb, whilst Tyrannosaurus Rex would have tasted exactly like snake, specifically, the king cobra. Ankylosaurus appears to have been the tastiest of the dinosaurs, and would have tasted like bacon.

"What is surprising," said O'Dactil, "is how few would have tasted almost but not exactly like chicken. As far as we can tell, only velociraptor had the same meat structure as chicken."

Elasmasaurus, the dinosaur that the Loch Ness monster was considered to be until people realised the Loch Ness monster was just a story to get people to an inhospitable part of Scotland, would have tasted like tuna, whilst brontosaurus surprisingly would have tasted of salmon.

"Perhaps at some point mankind invents time travel and eats all the dinosaurs into extinction," joked O'Dactil. "No, seriously, perhaps that's how they died out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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