Apple Sues to Stop Leaks -- Bill Says "Whaaat?!!"

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Sunday, 3 April 2005

image for Apple Sues to Stop Leaks -- Bill Says "Whaaat?!!"
"WHAAT?!! What are you talking about?!!"

LOS ANGELES, CA - Apple Computer, Inc. (AAPL) has recently demanded that three websites reveal to the company the source of their information. The sites in question -,, and - cater to people who use or like to know more about the latest developments surrounding the world of Apple; this includes the Macintosh software and accompanying hardware platform, as well as other Apple-related products that are soon to be unveiled to the public.

It's this latter portion that has the Apple founder, someone named Bill Gates, all up in arms as this has the effect of "stealing his thunder" when it does come time for him to make the official announcement to the world at large.

Claiming that providing insider information to the public is tantamount to stealing trade secrets, Apple was able to persuade the court to subpoena the aforementioned sites in order to force them to disclose the identity of their sources.

The websites argued that the information was obtained legally, and that the anonymity of their sources is protected under the First Amendment rights because the information is considered newsworthy and is being presented as such. In response, Apple stuck out its tongue and went "Bleyeah!!!"

Asked to provide a statement for this article, the operators of AppleInsider have no comment.

PowerPage declined to issue a statement, as well.

ThinkSecret did not respond to email requests.

My dog had no comment either, but did wag his tail and ask for a treat.

Apple is working hard to prevent information from leaking out about upcoming products like "iWorks", rumored to be their new "Office-like" software that is based on a new doc-program called "Pages", which can be tied in to "Keynote", Apple's existing presentation program.

Asked to comment on the latest development, Bill Gates responded, "WHAAAT?! What are you talking about??!! I don't….uh, yeeeah. Thaat's right. Yeah, I remember now! Yeah, I did authorize the lawsuit, yeah. I'm a control-freak, and insecure, to boot. It bugs me that leaks like these happen. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. My products might look crude and inferior if people find out about them from unofficial sources. In fact, my products ARE inferior. Don't buy my products! Don't buy my products! Buy Linux, instead. Heee-hee-hee-heeeee!" he said, with uncharacteristic glee.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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