Scientists Debunk "Loaves and Fishes" Story

Funny story written by Festus

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

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The world's best selling book, but full of plot holes.

Leonard Nimrod, working under grants from the University of California - Davis, released findings of what is presumed to be a 1,183 lbs. fish in the Red Sea, the site of the famous "Loaves and Fishes" story canonized in the Bible.

"A fish that big would surely explain how thousands of people could 'think' they had eaten and were full," said Nimrod. While some critics have cited a lack of "evidence" since the report bases its conclusion on one small bone fragment that may or may not be even related to aquatic life, Nimrod insists his theory is solid.

Nimrod isn't the only scientist working to prove thousands of eye witnesses wrong. Stew Pedman, PhD.(UCLA), a expert commonly tapped by The National Geographic Channel for his famous discovery of Nostradamus' prediction that Bush would lose the popular vote, believes the Bible shouldn't be taken literally. "When [the authors] said five fish, they didn't mean five literal fish. They probably meant five million fish," according to Pedman. "That is the most likely explanation because others agree with me."

While believers in the myth trust eye witnesses, other more scientific approaches rely on testable hypotheses. One theory is that the thousands of witnesses, proposed by Dr. Wei Rwong, PhD. (Stanford), were simultaneously hallucinating, "like some toxic gas was emitted in that area." Although Rwong has no "evidence" at this time, the Houghton Mifflin textbook company plans to publish the theory as fact in their nationwide resources. Rwong personally purports sulfur-dioxide as the mysterious toxin: "I believe strongly that sulfur-dioxide is the culprit because that's what my government grant paid me to find and I think [the government] would know what I am supposed to find."

Having satisfied the world with thorough research and solid conclusions, scientists have affected the world view of students and the general public for ever.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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