Written by Gail Farrelly

Friday, 12 February 2010

image for Kindles Hold Meeting in NYC, Discuss Plans to Get Gifts from Owners
No cakes or candles needed for special occasions. Just gifts.

Madison Square Garden was Kindle-ized yesterday, as the electronic readers from Amazon had the first of a series of one-day solidarity meetings to discuss common concerns. This time the concern was how to get gifts from their owners.

"Just because we're machines it doesn't mean we don't need a little love," one of the Kindles told a reporter. "But sometimes our owners need a push in the right direction to recognize our services with a little gift on special days."

The gift reminder technique they developed, the Kindle explained, is really quite simple. First, the Kindle misbehaves just a little -- blurred copy, involuntary shut-offs, a garbled text-to-speech feature. The brazen little Kindle added: "Just enough disruption to let our owners know we mean business. What will happen permanently if they don't take the hint and give us the appreciation we deserve."

The Kindle said the next step involves letting the owner know exactly what is wanted. That could range from wardrobe additions (new covers, decorative sleeves or skins, etc.) to new reading material. The Kindle interviewed admitted to wanting a new book, an old classic by Dale Carnegie: "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." A bit of a worrywart, the Kindle said that this book would calm her. "We have to be ready for battles with iPads and Nooks," she said, "no time at all to waste on worry."

"Once I determined what I wanted, the rest was easy," the Kindle explained. "Every time my owner went to read, I just blinked a few times, then flashed on the screen the Amazon details about the book I wanted. My owner needed a few hints, but finally he got the message and ordered the book."

"Happy Whatever Day to me," said the happy little Kindle with a wink. "And many more."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: iPad , Kindles, Nooks

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