LONDON (Defecated News) - The country's leading oncologists and pharmaceutical companies have completed research which appears to indicate that cancer is bad for you.
For years many of us have enjoyed the pleasures of cancer through smoking, drugs, alcohol, Big Macs and unprotected sex. Bit it would appear that these pleasures could end up causing us pain.
Prof. Barry Evans, head of Useful Clever Research at the University of Flange explained the conclusions of their two week research, "Cancer is bad for you", he told us.
He was unable to explain what may happen, but seemed quite serious about it and didn't like me making jokes about it, so it must be sort of bad, I guess.
The unit has just started the second leg of it's 'Research Into Useful Health Matters' project. This study is entitled 'Don't eat fatty things, or you may get fat'. Results for this second study are expected next Tuesday evening after Eastenders finishes.