Written by Liam_1959

Tuesday, 17 August 2004

A worm hole was discovered today in Baghdad, Iraq and with it, the theory of parallel universes was proven. The worm hole has been believed to link one universe with another and to allow time travel to past and future worlds. Although common sense will tell you otherwise, all of this is true.

This news has scientists ecstatic over the possibilities now available for their research and study. Many believe that our own parallel universe can be viewed at the site. A recent photograph seems to bear this out.

In fact, there are an infinite number of parallel universes, and we happen to inhabit one of them. These other universes contain space, time and strange forms of exotic matter like Graham Norton. Some of them may even contain you, in a slightly different form, in a relationship with Graham Norton.

Astonishingly, scientists believe that these parallel universes exist less than one millimeter away from us. Gravity is a weak signal leaking out of our universe into another. So we appear the same but different when viewed.

As the head scientist, now on location in Baghdad, Sir Melvin Squat-Toast has his work cut out for him.

"Have you ever stopped and wondered where you went wrong and why life has just not turned out like you thought", inquired Melvin Squat-Toast? "Well, it was because of the decision you made and then acted upon, that delivered you to this present point in time".

"I know it may sound a bit unreal, but imagine a carnival House of Mirrors". "As you make a decision and act accordingly, you would pass through one mirror and along to the next point in your life".

"If you had decided differently, you would have moved in a different direction, passing through a different mirror, over to a different world". "So imagine all of the possible choices you could have made in life, and you'll begin to comprehend the complexity and number of parallel universes that exist".

For years parallel universes were a staple of grade B-movies, shown late at night on BBC 2. The only coverage in print came from science fiction writers who loved to speculate on the fact that Cliff Richard was a failure in another universe. Now, that will all change.

Professor Stephen Hawking spoke at Cambridge's Great Hall recently and briefly touched on the subject. "For years, the math of Quantum Mechanics has shown that we are just one mirage, in a multitude of mirages". "Why, in another world, I'm standing on the banks of Stratford-On-Avon, with my fly rod in hand".

"Parallel universes really do exist but they are much stranger than we could possibly imagine". "The physical constraints we place own ourselves come from the five different senses we possess, thus our perception is coloured by ourselves". "But if we remove those limitations, the possibilities are endless".

"So, while we perceive the world in 3-D, there are actually 11 dimensions, according to QM". "Now we have 11 dimensions, times the number of possible of choices a person could make in a lifetime, which equals a number to large to even write".

Naturally, this has the religious community up in arms. Vicar Reverent Smokes complained, "We are God fearing for a reason". "That reason being we do not wish to be cast into the Lake of Fire". "This is purely the work of the Lucifer, proposed by Beelzebub himself, and written down by Satan". "But I digress, how do you account for all the different bodies when only one has a soul"?

Apparently, only God knows that answer and He's keeping mum for the time being!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iraq, Baghdad

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