There has been a lot of hoohah about Genetically Modified Food, and the dangers of tampering with a plant's gene code, but Monsanto have just announced the imminent release of a project they have been working on for several years.
Gene Rottenberry, Science Director of Monsanto, told reporters at a press conference outside Monsanto HQ today that "The Vegimal will solve the world's food shortage problem, the global warming, the economic crisis, crossword puzzles and lots of other things. We've ****ed about with the genomes so much, it's not just a new species - it's a whole new ****ing Kingdom!"
Previously there were only three Kingdoms - Mineral, Animal and Vegetable. The Vegimal is both an animal and a vegetable. And available enriched with minerals, it could even be classed as all three.
The Vegimal contains all the nutrients, vitamins, fibre, proteins and fats from a variety of over 25 various fruits and vegetables, combined with the intelligence of a chimpanzee. It has four legs, a tail, a cute little green snout, and it tastes delicious! They bark, can read a map to deliver themselves to your front door, and are naturally repellent to insects.
The only glitch seems to be that the Vegimal particularly likes the taste of bees. But Monsanto say that's ok as there aren't really all that many bees left anyway, and we won't NEED bees once we're all eating the Vegimal.
