Area 51, Groom Lake, Nevada - (X-Files Mess): US military psychic surgeons are adamant: the Pentagon's rock-solid guarantee that Michael Jackson's physical transformation from African American to de-Negroised white-skinned father of three Causasian blonde-haired children will always remain an official US state secret.
The singer's 1993 overnight metamorphosis was spun as a natural process of gradual evolution, technically similar to the rather more rapid engorgement of Dolly Parton's breasts from an eye-catching 32DD to a stonking 32GG.
"Yeah, but no-one managed to suck out Parton's Caucasian DNA and replace it with er, Oprah-style African genomes!" LA FagHagSlagMag editor Dave Skank commented this morning.
NATO intelligence sources have always maintained the real Jackon died on a plastic surgeon's operating table and was immediately replaced with a dark-haired Arian-DNA clone.
Lisa Marie Presley is one massive liar.