Discovery: Neanderthals "invented" BJ's

Funny story written by winston_smith

Monday, 6 October 2008


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Discovery: Neanderthals "invented" BJ's
Cave in to BJ? Woman's DNA might suck

Professor Wendell Waddrippins, in a second historical archeological discovery in as many weeks, announced yesterday that pictorgraphical evidence points to Neanderthal man inventing oral sex.

Editor's note:pictorgraphical meaning the image painted traditionally displayed the meaning of the word.

"Initially, when the team discovered, what we thought were, crude drawings on the cave walls, we discounted them as a primitive artist's attempt at documentation of an event or achievement of the tribe. Again, like the 5000 year old vagina, we went back to the cave and found what I think is the Rosetta Stone of the Neanderthal language. There were too many cross references and depictions to ignore." Waddrippins excitedly said. "For instance, while we were thinking the interpretation was "Nulna eats nuts and root" the actual linguistic interpretation was "Nulna sucks nuts and man root".

Waddrippins team removed layers of soot from a small room. There it is discernable to see a figure apparently on her knees in front of what till now was thought to be trees or bushes.
"We overlooked it as thinking it was someone picking up nuts and berries."

Waddrippins explained," This is where the "eureka" moment occurred, when the graphic "tree" was explained as "man branch or root". The subsequent re-examination and reinterpretation of many of the cave drawings suggest Nulna loved to suck c*ck."

Couldn't the cave drawing, pictographically just present a particular event that happened in that particular area 130,000 years ago?

"Oh sure, maybe…" said the Professor, " but this is the first visible depiction of
a Neanderthal woman, her soft, charcoal drawn breasts, heaving, her insatiable hunger for man root depicted by the line of man branches waiting, " he wistfully retorted., " Although we have no evidence, I'd venture to guess she swallowed the berry juice as many drawings show the standing character clearly holding the back of her head."

Professor Waddrippins said, " We are going deeper into the cave, metaphorically the human cave, and who knows what other discoveries may be found. I find this incredibly significant discovery, with the link of modern humans and Neanderthals, based on mitochondrial DNA, established through a matrilineal succession, the implications are enormous. Simply put, all woman may have it in their DNA to just want to get down on the "man root."

When pointed out by this reporter that his statement sounded very chauvinistic, inflammatory, and had no scientific basis.

Professor Waddrippins appeared to offer a carnal act with a hand motion and an open mouth. This was later denied as a misinterpretation by the Professor, "I was starting to yawn and covered my mouth with my fist a couple of times."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more