Written by SamIAm

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

image for Science Discovers Another Particle We Don't Care About
All galaxies contain millions of particles that scientist are calling "The Particle."

SAN DIEGO - Scientist here made a stupid discovery of another dumb particle that we don't care about.

The particle, now being called "The Particle" was discovered by some dude who calls himself a doctor.

"This is a groundbreaking discovery for our field," said the doctor dude, a scientist who studies little things you can't see that have no effect on most dudes' daily lives. "The discovery of this particle will change the science world for at least three weeks."

The Particle, which was discovered on a molecular level within the quantum field of the fluctuating third dimensional black hole spectrum, is said to not mean much, really.

"We don't know what purpose this particle serves," said the doctor dude. "But that doesn't mean it's not important and that the government shouldn't give me money for more studies of things that don't matter."

When asked what The Particle has to do with a dude's daily life, the doctor dude said, "Like every other discovery, we can use it to kill you."

More studies by a group of doctor dudes is being conducted in order to do just that.

"When we discover any new particle," said a totally different doctor dude, "the first thing we scientist ask ourselves is, can we split it? What if we smash the particle into another particle at a million meters per second? It may be an energy source that can save millions of lives, but what can we do to kill people with it? There are just so many questions."

One dude, puffing on a joint, said, "Dude, particle is such a weird word, man. Just say it, like, thirty times and it just gets weirder, man. Particle, particle, particle, particle. That is, like, so weird."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Scientists

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