MRSA down by 10% - Government celebrates with street parties

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Thursday, 1 November 2007


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image for MRSA down by 10% - Government celebrates with street parties
No-one in this operating theatre because they've all died from MRSA

News that 10% fewer people are dying of MRSA and other hospital superbugs has been received with great cheering by MPs in Westminster and now the Government has announced that it will organise street parties to celebrate.

For several years now, patients admitted to hospital for minor injuries were at risk of contracting and dying from a superbug as a result of doctors not washing their hands after coming in from the golf course, or nurses bringing in diseases from their various sexual shenanigans. The small downturn in the trend means that patients are 10% less likely to die from a doctor- or nurse- carried superbug.

Of course, it's not only patients who are at risk of MRSA. One widow told us how her electrician husband went into a hospital to change a light bulb and came out with MRSA, which he then gave to his children. A headmaster told us how one of his teachers took a class of primary school pupils into a hospital as part of a science project and half the class contracted MRSA.

The street parties, which will be similar to the Millennium street parties that were held on British streets up and down the country, will be paid for by the Lottery Fund, a spokesman for whom said:

"MRSA is itself a lottery since no-one can predict who will catch it. It is therefore a bit ironic that the Lottery Fund will be sponsoring the MRSA Celebrations."

One patient, who is dying from MRSA, said:

"I'm really chuffed to hear that MRSA is down by 10%. It's made my day to know this. I would be joining the street festivities, except that I'm scheduled to die tomorrow."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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