Los Angeles - (Ass Mess): A new Vanessa Hudgens Christmas cracker iPod has been launched that promises to do away with the need for Viagra by downloading pheromone-imitating subliminals in the form of alpha waves that directly stimulate the vagus nerve.
The MP3 player features the nude, Brazilianed and spatchcocked High School Musical starlet on its cover much the same as down-market imitators branded as the Barbie iPod.
But its hologram-festooned fascia changes with contact into a variety of yoga-defying tantric poses that range from the the sublime to the fearlessly athletic.
The iPod then releases any of dozens of downloaded personalised, custom-encoded pheromone-imitating subliminal signals which automatically trigger an alpha-wave response in the brain's occipital lobe.
These range from 8 to 12 Hz and arise from synchronous and coherent electrical activity of the brain's thalamic pacemaker cells.
A chain reaction then triggers an acute response in the vagus nerve root located in the brainstem within the medulla oblongata.
The signal kicks in via the jugular foramen, down below the head, through to the neck, chest and abdomen before bullseyeing on the genital area.
The resultant engorging lasts as long as any Viagra-induced stimulus.
As an additional bonus music can also be played on the cunning little device, retailing now in the run up to the festive season at $100.
Could be a winner.
