Psychologists have discovered that women who have voluntary breast implant surgery are three times more likely than others to commit suicide. In women who have the augmentation after the age of 45, the risk jumps to seven times higher than normal.
Doctor Kelly Flatson of the American Cancer Society issued the following statement: "We have learned that these numbers are only for women who have the surgery voluntarily to enhance their looks. Women who do this procedure due to having a breast removed for cancer or other reasons are at no more risk than normal for suicide."
Researcher Kathy Dugs of the American Medical Association answered questions for this publication.
Is there any reason why women who have breast augmentation surgery are more likely to commit suicide?
"Well, lets face it. Women who are happy with thier lives and with their breasts and are attractive get all the sex they want. It's really the bowsers out there who blame their boring existence on their lack of D-cups. Once they learn that you can't put a corvette hood emblem on a gremlim body, they just decide to end it all."
Is there a reason why older women are more likely to kill themselves?
"Sure. They've suddenly realized at their age and after thier surgery that they will now have the increased back pain and the tits hanging down to their knees. They now also know that they spent a ton of money to soup up an older model, when all the men want to drive the latest editions."
Is there anything women can do to keep them safe from suicide?
"Be satisfied with what God gave you. Some men like 'em big, some like 'em small, and others really don't care about what's up top. If you've got a great personality and and are fun to be with, you've got no worries."
