Written by IN SEINE

Sunday, 5 August 2007

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Tesco now boasts some of the largest supermarkets in the United Kingdom and it has been known for some people to become lost in the aisles.

In their efforts to remedy the problem, their boffins have come up with S.I.N.S. (Supermarket In-Store Navigation Systems)

"With this new g...g...gadget, one can be directed to the selected article in a m...m...matter of m...m...minutes." said one Northern store manager known only as 'Arkwright'. He went on to say that: "our s...s...stores are now becoming so vast that it was becoming embarrassing when p...p….people were buying food with a BBE date expiring before they got to the checkout! Bacon would turn green, bread would become so hard that it could easily break someone's foot and even clothes were becoming unfashionable. S...s...s...some people were buying them f…from us and taking them straight t…to the Antiques R…roadshow."

However, in a more sinister turn, Tesco are selling navigation systems that direct you to the nearest Tesco store to you, or your destination. Many motorists are finding themselves in Tesco's car parks even though they key in a rural postcode.

"Women don't seem to mind, but their husbands get quite angry about it." A Tesco spokesperson said.

A Quality Control Inspector from the British Association of Satellite Technical and Retail Development (B.A.S.T.A.R.D.) told us that: "this was becoming a real problem as Tesco's were trying to buy up every postcode in the UK."

Tesco's Chief Advertising Officer, Ronnie Corbett Said:

"EVERY LITTLE HELPS!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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