Leading Source of Polar Melting: Walrus Farts

Written by Mister Lagunas

Saturday, 4 August 2007

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I don't smell anything...

According to a new National Geographic study released Wednesday, Walrus farts are now the leading contributer to polar ice melting. However, despite their danger, walrus flatulence has, until recently, passed under the radar. Apparently North American scientists repeatedly mistook the terrible smell drifting in from the north as the natural stench of Canada.

"In retrospect, it seems obvious. What 2 ton beast could eat raw fish all day and not secrete noxious, ice-melting gas?" pondered Lee Harsbrook, the study's main author.

When asked why Walrus farts had suddenly burst onto the scene as a major greenhouse gas, Dr. Harsbrook suggested the reason could be tied to shifts in the diet of the Walrus' chief predator, the Great White Shark. He said that as global migratory patterns have changed over the past decade, Great Whites have been consuming less Walrus in favor of fattier meats, namely Australians. This subtle change in preference has led to an explosion not only in the Walrus population, but in the Walrus anus as well.

The study has already sent shockwaves throughout the environmental community. Although he could not be reached for comment, Al Gore is said to be addressing the grave danger posed by Walrus farts in a new documentary, "An Incontinent Truth".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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