Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

image for James Cameron claims discovery of biblical 'golden calf' smelter
The original Old Testament Golden Calf looked a bit like a camel

Upper Nubia - (Ass Mess): TV documentary maker James Cameron whose recent 'Tomb of Jesus' and 'Bones of Herod' monographs were widely panned as risible acts of megalomaniacal folly has claimed the discovery of a gold smelting plant in the Sudanese Upper Nubia district that actually manufactured the Old Testament's Golden Calf.

Cameron, who has become something of a by-word for archaeological hoaxes, remains resolutely undeterred in his serial posturings.

Today's announcement that an ancient gold processing centre and a graveyard along the River Nile in northern Sudan produced the actual biblical golden calf has hysterians pleading for the public to take him with a pinch of salt.

Cameron's team has been busy ravaging the Hosh el-Geruf area some 225 miles from Khartoum with UN Food Programme-appropriated excavation industrial equipment originally destined for vital irrigation projects along the Merowe dam floodplains.

Now essential work to create a supply lake 100 miles long and two miles wide will be put on ice as the Cameron team dig deep to authenticate their Old Testament theories.

These include that evidence of ancient carvings of the fabled golden calf actually exist preserved somewhere on the local rock surfaces.

"Upper Nubia was renowned for its gold deposits," Cameron told the press today.

"I think I may have discovered an actual gold mine right here in the Kush where my next epic documentary, the Golden Calf of Nubia' is to be filmed for the National Hystery Channel," the film maker added.

Approximately 500,000 poverty and drought stricken Sudanese will now be evicetd to make way fopr Cameron's monumental ego, excavation team and film equipment.

Reports that local Janjaweed mercenaries will also be on his payroll to guard the equipment have dismayed the UN but are unlikely to move anybody else in the area.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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