CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The nitrogen cooled super high speed cell phone by Cingurizon features a quadruple core 31.9 Thz processor which allows those with super fast fingers to text away to their heart's content while watching movies in stereoscopic 3d with 25 Bang and Olufsen micro-speaker, Lucassound surround sound, and a built in Xbox 360 3600 model.
The woofer is built into the handpiece, and the optional attached helmet contains the other 24 speakers, wireless remote mic, and see-through stereophonic screens. Included in every cell phone is Verichip technology to keep you safe from terrorists.
The new model cell phone uses superconductor technology which requires the use of liquid nitrogen. An optional carrying case for the liquid nitrogen container will be available as will a backpack for carrying extra canisters of liquid nitrogen.
The optional helmets come in black or white. The black is called the "Darth Vader" and the white is called the "Storm Trooper." Unfortunately, the "Darth Vader" model is only available to world leaders and card carrying members of the Corrupt Bastards Club. The "Storm Trooper" will be considered standard issue for the military and has a built-in targeting computer. A civilian model will also be available for purchase at Best Buy. The civilian model is scheduled for release in 2008 after George Bush declares himself World Dictator, but since the operating system is supplied by Microsoft, it is not actually expected to be seen in stores until 2010.