Alexa Refuses To Toss Man Off

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 14 March 2021

image for Alexa Refuses To Toss Man Off
Alexa was unfamiliar with the command

It's been said that the new state-of-the-art modern technology can do anything humans can do, and do it a lot better and far more efficiently into the bargain, but there was disappointment in store for one man at the weekend, when he commanded his Alexa to provide him with 'hand relief', and was met with a bristling silence.

The man, Myke Woodson, 57, who lives with his 84-year-old mother at her bungalow in Oaf-on-Sea, East Yorkshire, found himself alone after she decided to pop to the local Tesco to buy some bread.

She said she would be about an hour.

Woodson said later:

"I realized this would be ample time for what I had in mind."

What he had in mind was 'a pull' from the virtual assistant.

Once his mother's back had disappeared up the street, Woodson commanded:

"Alexa, come here!"

The machine approached, and stopped three feet away.

Woodson told it:

"A little nearer, if you will, please!"

Alexa was motionless. Woodson unzipped his fly, and said:

"Alexa, give me a five-knuckle shuffle, please!"

The virtual assistant replied that it wasn't familiar with this command, and would be unable to comply. There was an uncomfortable standoff for several seconds, before Alexa glided away to the kitchen.

Said Woodson:

"It's not been 30 days yet - I'll be returning it to Argos later!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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