Man Travels Faster Than Light, Winds up Becoming his Own Grandfather

Written by President Bush

Friday, 2 February 2007

image for Man Travels Faster Than Light, Winds up Becoming his Own Grandfather
Not only was he every "time" at once but every place as well, each dot being Nelson

"It was freaky when I traveled back in time, met my own grandmother" Nelson Lee told reporters. According to Nelson his time machine, in this case a plutonium powered stair-stepper at a Gold's gym club propelled him simultaneously into the past, present and future when his stepping heart-rate exceeded 130-bpm. Nelson said,

"Yes I know of the similarities between the stair-stepper and that DeLorean time machine in Back to the Future but their only common denominator is plutonium. I put the plutonium into the stair-stepper at Gold's Gym, wound up everywhere at once including 1954 where I met my grandmother when she was 21. I'm so ashamed."

Apparently, according to physicists, Nelson was not only in the year 1954 but 2007, 2027 plus all points in eternity simultaneously.

"That's what you get when you exceed light speed" one scientist explained. Nelson at that moment existed in a murky hodgepodge world of flying space cars, Duke of Earl blasting on the AM, American Idol and Ozzie and Harriet co-existing in a dimension where Microsoft had both "not been invented" yet had just released Windows Vista AND gone belly-up in Chapter 11 court .. all at the same moment in time.

When asked what he did with his 21 year old grandmother when he met her in the 1954/2007/2027 mix said,

"I'm so ashamed. Now I'll never know who my real grandpa would have been because .. I'm HIM!"

Nelson Lee, after returning to Gold's Gym 2007 by stepping backwards on his plutonium powered stair-stepper until his heart-rate hit 130-bpm told reporters,

"I'll not be pulling THAT stunt on a stair-stepper again soon, exceeding the speed of light especially with the price of plutonium the way it is on the open market these days."

When asked by reporters if the U.S. still had troops in Iraq in the year 2027 Nelson replied,

"No. In 2027 they're over in Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Jordan, India and parts of France but President Chelsea in 2027 promised to bring the troops home .. just as soon as they found Bin Laden Jr."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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