Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 6 December 2018

image for O2 Network Collapse Causes Chaos
Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible

Millions of customers were unable to access their mobile data today when the O2 network suddenly stopped working due to "technical problems".

The company did not specify what the problems were, but suffice to say that they were technically technical technicalities of a technicalistic nature.

Customers went berserk.

Robert Incel, 19, who has more than 500,000 Facebook friends, said:

"You just don't realise how dependent on technology we are. I can't get in touch with any of my 'friends-who-aren't-really-friends'. It's so depressing!"

Stacey Bike, who uses all social media sites she knows about, said:

"I just don't get it. Why do disasters like this happen in the world? It's just so unfair! How can there be a God?

Timmy Tompkins, 11, of Spoiltbrat Grammar School in Berkshire, moaned:

"It's so inconvenient! I usually download completed online homework assignments to my smartphone, so that I don't have to bother 'doing the grind' myself, but my teacher is going to have to wait until the network is back up and running."

A spokesman for O2 apologised for the disturbance to customers, and said:

"We've sent a bloke to fix it, but he may be a while."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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